Indifference

I was reading a magazine and I read an article on indifference. I think a friend commented about this very topic to me before. This particular article was about relationships in general. It talked about relationships when they go bad, or how you know that a relationship is bad from the start. It talked about how you can know if someone loves you, or when you know that they just do not.

Basically, the article was talking about love. It said that most people mistakenly believe that the opposite of love is hate. I am one of those people, who before reading the article, thought that as well. But it's not true. The opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference.

This was a major "aha" for me. I think for all those years, I waited for signs of hate from my ex. I waited for the wrong thing. I mean aside from the fact that a blow to the face should have been enough to make me walk in the first place, I think the absence of real hate was what kept me there. Allow me to explain.

I always saw my ex's temper as just that- his temper. I saw it as a key issue for him, but always saw it as something he was battling, but not as something that was specific towards me alone. He never hit or threw things because he hated me, he did it because he's a temperamental man with really unacceptable and uncontrollable behavior. He never hated me, in fact, in many ways he did care about me, and in other ways, he just did not. The fact that I didn't see any signs of "hate" made me think that perhaps there was a way that he could change, get better, and get over his issues. I clearly thought wrong. But here's another thing.

There was the indifference. I never noticed it before, but I always knew it was there. He didn't care what I did unless it directly affected him. He didn't care to respond to my feelings unless I specifically asked him to. He just didn't care. Indifference. The opposite of love is indifference. If you don't love someone, you don't care about them- what they do doesn't affect you either way. It just doesn't matter to you. You can live without them, you can do without them, you can pass the time without them. It just doesn't matter.

Here's another kicker. You can't make someone love you. You can't really change indifference. I have a friend who has been acting somewhat indifferent lately, and it was really bothering me. Now I get it. I need to walk away from these friendships and relationships. I need to protect myself from the indifference if it comes in close relationships- close friends, relationships, family. If a person is indifferent towards you, it 's the opposite of love, so get over it and move on. I think that's what I'm seeing with this particular friend. Indifference. WOW - it's so lethal, yet we are so slow to see it. Not this time through. No thanks.

Indifference on its own is not a bad thing. We are often indifferent with colleagues, or acquaintances, and rightly so. But it should NEVER be that way with friends, partners or family. NEVER. And if it is, we need to re-evaluate things. I'm going to do just that, and moving forward, I'm going to be walking with my eyes open on this front. Wide open. No more indifference from close relationships. Acquaintances yes, co-workers yes. Family, friends, significant others, NEVER again. Here's to learning from our mistakes.