I went to bed really late last night. I had some friends pop by at midnight and they hung out till 3:30 am. We had a lot of fun. The not so fun part was that I went to bed at 4 and the children woke me up at 8am. Oh my head. Then I had some old friends from when we lived in Markham come by for a visit. They just left. The children had a fantastic time. There was 7 children in the house in total, and they behaved pretty well. I think my friends and I have established that I am the queen of rules when it comes to the children, but I think it's a good thing, because it gives them predictable behaviors and outcomes, which means life is easier overall. For both them, and myself. It's all good.
So now, its homework with the children and winding down for Monday. I love Sunday evenings at home.
My son and I had a really nice chat last night. He told me that I was the most loving mother in the world, and that "although you always look really pretty, you've been looking really really pretty these days". I have no clue what he meant, but it was very cute to hear. I told him that it was very touching for me to hear it from him, because he is the only prince in my life, and for me to hear that from him is the most special thing of all. His love is so important to me.
My daughter and I spent some time together yesterday as well. I asked her what makes her happy and what makes her sad. She listed off several things, all of which were pretty normal. Then I asked her what one thing makes her the happiest of all, and she said "being best friends with you mommy". My heart melted. I love these children. I changed my life for these children. They are so important to me. I love my weekends with the children. Thank God for their Golden light. It guides me in ways that I can't even begin to describe.
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Ahhh the Silence
I just came back from 4hrs at the Fantasy Fair with the children. They were both invited to attend a birthday party. Those of you with children can relate to the fact that a Saturday afternoon at the Fantasy Fair with two kids was just insane. Don't get me wrong, they had an absolute blast, and I'm glad we went, and I'm glad I took them, but man, the sound of hundreds of children screaming on rides is still ringing in my ears. I'm here at home (finally) and am trying to convince myself to get my butt to the gym, but I really just want a nap. The kids wanted a snack so I busted out some pineapples and mangos, and they are sitting here at the table gobbling away as I type. Silence can sometimes be just so golden. God bless this moment. Thank God for mangos. Thank God for the silence. Thank God for Advil...I think I'm going to need 3...
So anyways, I have to get these monkeys changed so we can go over to Mich's place for a playdate/BBQ. We were supposed to go there yesterday, but they ended up coming here, so it's all good. The kids will run buck wild in her backyard and Mich and I will get quiet time. Everyone wins. :-)
It's funny- from a parenting perspective, I have moments where I can hold my own, and moments where I feel like I could do better. When we got to the fair, I sat the kids down (my 2 kids and my friends' 2 kids- 4 in total- yes I'm certifiably insane), and gave them the "rules" - no hitting, yelling, screaming, no letting go of my hand, no complaining and no whining. When they agreed to the rules, I said "ok, let's have fun". Another parent commented "oh come on- what rules, kids don't get that"...And I said- "watch and see".
Four hours later, while other parents were yelling at their kids and their kids were throwing tantrums, I looked at the 4 that were with me, still smiling, still holding hands, no fighting. I felt like, 'yeah, I can do this- please- make fun of my rules again'. Children just need structure and boundaries, and then they are ok. I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent, in fact, I'm probably far from it, but some days, I just feel like I got it right. This was one of those days.
And now for the Advil....ahhhh....Advil :-)
So anyways, I have to get these monkeys changed so we can go over to Mich's place for a playdate/BBQ. We were supposed to go there yesterday, but they ended up coming here, so it's all good. The kids will run buck wild in her backyard and Mich and I will get quiet time. Everyone wins. :-)
It's funny- from a parenting perspective, I have moments where I can hold my own, and moments where I feel like I could do better. When we got to the fair, I sat the kids down (my 2 kids and my friends' 2 kids- 4 in total- yes I'm certifiably insane), and gave them the "rules" - no hitting, yelling, screaming, no letting go of my hand, no complaining and no whining. When they agreed to the rules, I said "ok, let's have fun". Another parent commented "oh come on- what rules, kids don't get that"...And I said- "watch and see".
Four hours later, while other parents were yelling at their kids and their kids were throwing tantrums, I looked at the 4 that were with me, still smiling, still holding hands, no fighting. I felt like, 'yeah, I can do this- please- make fun of my rules again'. Children just need structure and boundaries, and then they are ok. I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent, in fact, I'm probably far from it, but some days, I just feel like I got it right. This was one of those days.
And now for the Advil....ahhhh....Advil :-)
Friday, April 28, 2006
Special Day
"Mommy- can we have a special day today?"
"What do you mean honey?"
"Can we spend girl time together today, just you and me?"
"Mommy has to work baby"
"But you're not wearing work clothes, that means you're home today"
"But what fun will it be for you at home if mommy has to work all day?"
"It will be fun because we will be home together. I can colour and do puzzles while you work on your computer. I won't bother you. I promise. I just want to be with you..."
Well, how can anyone say no to that? My daughter has never asked this before, and I think this is the first time that she figured out that I was working from home. But how could I say no to her request? She's been an absolute angel. We had breakfast together and then she watched TV while I went on some conference calls. When I was on the computer, she sat here playing with her dollhouse. We just had lunch together, and now I'm back to work, and she's doing puzzles. We do have little conversations in between, but for the most part, it's worked out well. And she seems amazingly happy. It's astounding how little effort it takes to make a child feel so loved. I'm glad she's happy. I'm glad we did this.
Lots of cute girly questions from my daughter today:
"Mommy- why is pink such a beautiful colour? Why do girls love it so much?" "Why are the tulips in our garden finally open? Did God tell them to open and smile at us?"
"Why does the sun shine only on some days? Does that mean God is happy today?"
"Why do girls look better in dresses than in pants?"
Honestly, kids have a million questions. I don't have answers for all of them, but I do try my best. My daughter asks all kinds of questions...At least she keeps me on my toes.
I have the children with me this weekend. Our schedule includes a play date with Mich and her son tonight, a birthday party tomorrow, and a play date with some friends from Markham on Sunday. Pretty busy, but all fun. I'll have to find time to tidy up, do laundry, cook and go to the gym in between all that. Jack of all trades. Mommy, income earner, friend, daughter, cook, cleaner. Sigh. Now I'm tired just thinking of all the things I am :-)
"What do you mean honey?"
"Can we spend girl time together today, just you and me?"
"Mommy has to work baby"
"But you're not wearing work clothes, that means you're home today"
"But what fun will it be for you at home if mommy has to work all day?"
"It will be fun because we will be home together. I can colour and do puzzles while you work on your computer. I won't bother you. I promise. I just want to be with you..."
Well, how can anyone say no to that? My daughter has never asked this before, and I think this is the first time that she figured out that I was working from home. But how could I say no to her request? She's been an absolute angel. We had breakfast together and then she watched TV while I went on some conference calls. When I was on the computer, she sat here playing with her dollhouse. We just had lunch together, and now I'm back to work, and she's doing puzzles. We do have little conversations in between, but for the most part, it's worked out well. And she seems amazingly happy. It's astounding how little effort it takes to make a child feel so loved. I'm glad she's happy. I'm glad we did this.
Lots of cute girly questions from my daughter today:
"Mommy- why is pink such a beautiful colour? Why do girls love it so much?" "Why are the tulips in our garden finally open? Did God tell them to open and smile at us?"
"Why does the sun shine only on some days? Does that mean God is happy today?"
"Why do girls look better in dresses than in pants?"
Honestly, kids have a million questions. I don't have answers for all of them, but I do try my best. My daughter asks all kinds of questions...At least she keeps me on my toes.
I have the children with me this weekend. Our schedule includes a play date with Mich and her son tonight, a birthday party tomorrow, and a play date with some friends from Markham on Sunday. Pretty busy, but all fun. I'll have to find time to tidy up, do laundry, cook and go to the gym in between all that. Jack of all trades. Mommy, income earner, friend, daughter, cook, cleaner. Sigh. Now I'm tired just thinking of all the things I am :-)
Thursday, April 27, 2006
A Sounding Board
I work out of several different offices. 5 in fact. Most of time I work out of my main office downtown. Some days I feel as if I've spent more time on the subway running between offices than I have in the office itself.
Today I am working out of an office uptown. It's a nice office, and I really love the people here. I've gotten to know them really well over the past 8 years that I've been working in this group, and I guess they've come to trust me, which is actually very flattering. These guys are technical people, and generally speaking, getting technical people to open up to anyone can be...Well....Pretty difficult. Techies tend to be individual workers, and often tend to keep to themselves. I guess over time, many of them have gotten to know me pretty well and have been able to open up to me. It's kind of nice.
So today, I had one of my "presence days". Every now and then, I come here just to be here, to be available and to attend one or two meetings, but for the most part, I'm just here in case they want to chat about our projects and initiatives. Today was a day when everyone seems to have needed to chat. It's one of those days where you can see that everyone needs to let an emotional load off, some of it office related, project related, and some people just had personal matters that have been affecting them in one way or another.
Either way, I'm glad I came here. I'm glad I was here to support all my friends and colleagues, and I'm glad that they trust me enough to open up. It's nice to know that they find support from me (although I'm not sure why they aren't able to support eachother). The information is useful, because I get a better understanding of the issues that impact our initiatives and I can steer around them, and make things better for my colleagues at the same time. It's a win-win situation.
It's really interesting how morale can be so different from one office to the next, given we all work for the same company. I mean, it's actually different from one building to the next. Some of our offices are more laid back, some are more formal, some have serious morale issues, and others are doing pretty well. Thankfully, having seen the world around me within the company, I'm glad to say that I work for one of the better areas of the organization, and for a super fantastic group. That being said, it does sadden me to see my colleagues in other offices going through such a tough time morale wise. It affects productivity, project success, and employee loyalty towards the organization. I wish all people managers would just "get it" and do something about it.
Anyhow, today ended up being a bit draining. As much as I love to be here for everyone else, it is draining mentally and emotionally, especially when you're trying to put out fires in the office in between conversations. Sometimes I wonder how much value I really add by coming up here, and other days I think I should be here more often. I do learn a great deal about internal politics and issues just by listening to others, and Lord knows, I owe major time back to others for all the support I have received from people over the years. I guess it's kind of my payback to my colleagues for the support they gave me in my time of need. It's weird. Some days you want to change the world, and other days, you just wish you could have stayed in bed. Today was a bit of both.
Today I am working out of an office uptown. It's a nice office, and I really love the people here. I've gotten to know them really well over the past 8 years that I've been working in this group, and I guess they've come to trust me, which is actually very flattering. These guys are technical people, and generally speaking, getting technical people to open up to anyone can be...Well....Pretty difficult. Techies tend to be individual workers, and often tend to keep to themselves. I guess over time, many of them have gotten to know me pretty well and have been able to open up to me. It's kind of nice.
So today, I had one of my "presence days". Every now and then, I come here just to be here, to be available and to attend one or two meetings, but for the most part, I'm just here in case they want to chat about our projects and initiatives. Today was a day when everyone seems to have needed to chat. It's one of those days where you can see that everyone needs to let an emotional load off, some of it office related, project related, and some people just had personal matters that have been affecting them in one way or another.
Either way, I'm glad I came here. I'm glad I was here to support all my friends and colleagues, and I'm glad that they trust me enough to open up. It's nice to know that they find support from me (although I'm not sure why they aren't able to support eachother). The information is useful, because I get a better understanding of the issues that impact our initiatives and I can steer around them, and make things better for my colleagues at the same time. It's a win-win situation.
It's really interesting how morale can be so different from one office to the next, given we all work for the same company. I mean, it's actually different from one building to the next. Some of our offices are more laid back, some are more formal, some have serious morale issues, and others are doing pretty well. Thankfully, having seen the world around me within the company, I'm glad to say that I work for one of the better areas of the organization, and for a super fantastic group. That being said, it does sadden me to see my colleagues in other offices going through such a tough time morale wise. It affects productivity, project success, and employee loyalty towards the organization. I wish all people managers would just "get it" and do something about it.
Anyhow, today ended up being a bit draining. As much as I love to be here for everyone else, it is draining mentally and emotionally, especially when you're trying to put out fires in the office in between conversations. Sometimes I wonder how much value I really add by coming up here, and other days I think I should be here more often. I do learn a great deal about internal politics and issues just by listening to others, and Lord knows, I owe major time back to others for all the support I have received from people over the years. I guess it's kind of my payback to my colleagues for the support they gave me in my time of need. It's weird. Some days you want to change the world, and other days, you just wish you could have stayed in bed. Today was a bit of both.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Bye Rich...
I guess I'm having a bit of a sad day. My dear friend Rich is moving to New York. He has been like a real older brother to me. All my life I wished for an older brother to watch out for me, and well, I guess I had one for about a year, and now he's moving. To New York. That's far. Way too far. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm definitely going to visit him, (what, like I would pass up an opportunity to shop in New York?), but really, it's just not going to be the same. I didn't expect to feel this sad...But it has put quite the damper on my day. I'm happy for him because it's a great opportunity and yet...Still kind of down.
I went to visit him this morning. Dropped off a small parting gift, and said goodbye. Promised myself I wouldn't cry. I am like the Niagara Falls when it comes to tears, so I'm proud of myself for staying composed. Rich is the closest thing I've ever had to a real big brother, (right down to the psycho protective nature), so what a loss.
Funny- I have so many great people around me, but I always seem to have to say goodbye at some point or another. Kind of sad. Thank God his wife is still in town for a few more months....She is like a second sister. Thank God for silver lining, and for awesome friends. :-)
I went to visit him this morning. Dropped off a small parting gift, and said goodbye. Promised myself I wouldn't cry. I am like the Niagara Falls when it comes to tears, so I'm proud of myself for staying composed. Rich is the closest thing I've ever had to a real big brother, (right down to the psycho protective nature), so what a loss.
Funny- I have so many great people around me, but I always seem to have to say goodbye at some point or another. Kind of sad. Thank God his wife is still in town for a few more months....She is like a second sister. Thank God for silver lining, and for awesome friends. :-)
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Passing Ships
I've been trying to keep busy lately. I guess I've had a lot on my mind. It's weird, I'm going to the gym, going shopping (aka going broke), and passing time with friends. I have some stuff on my plate that I've been avoiding. Well, I guess I just don't want to think about it too much. I'll need to pass a couple off weeks, and then I'll be fine.
It's kind of weird. I haven't felt this way since I was waiting for the GMAT score. That was agonizingly painful. I mean, imagine sitting around for 2 weeks waiting to find out if your test results were good enough to get you into business school. Yes, those were the days of pen and paper exams. Yes I am that old. Man that was brutal. And painful.
So here I am, waiting to pass time. This time, it's a bit different. Have you ever been in a situation where you feel like you've been watching the horizon, waiting for a ship, and this time, you can see a ship on the horizon, and it's coming closer? That's where I am with this particular decision....But somehow, I have the feeling this ship is going to just keep on sailing...Like it's going to pass me by.
Normally it would be ok...I mean, I'm a strong individual, and I've dealt with enough in my day. But this time, I have the weird feeling that if I look back on this a few years from now, I might feel like I missed a boat (no pun intended). I mean....I don't know...It's all very weird.
So anyhow...I wait. You know, life is funny sometimes. Just when you think you are about to breathe, you get dealt a whole new deck of cards. How unfair. And to my Muslim friends, yes the ones who refuse to post comments on this blog, but oh-so-gleefully email me or call me with their comments afterwards....What the heck? What about the statement that "after hardship always comes ease?" Am I the anomaly or something? After an 11 year crappy marriage and a 2 year crappy separation...Where is the ease? I'm not getting that verse. Please explain. Sometimes, I think that life just hands you a gyp of a deck of cards. And the deal just doesn't ever get any better.
It's kind of weird. I haven't felt this way since I was waiting for the GMAT score. That was agonizingly painful. I mean, imagine sitting around for 2 weeks waiting to find out if your test results were good enough to get you into business school. Yes, those were the days of pen and paper exams. Yes I am that old. Man that was brutal. And painful.
So here I am, waiting to pass time. This time, it's a bit different. Have you ever been in a situation where you feel like you've been watching the horizon, waiting for a ship, and this time, you can see a ship on the horizon, and it's coming closer? That's where I am with this particular decision....But somehow, I have the feeling this ship is going to just keep on sailing...Like it's going to pass me by.
Normally it would be ok...I mean, I'm a strong individual, and I've dealt with enough in my day. But this time, I have the weird feeling that if I look back on this a few years from now, I might feel like I missed a boat (no pun intended). I mean....I don't know...It's all very weird.
So anyhow...I wait. You know, life is funny sometimes. Just when you think you are about to breathe, you get dealt a whole new deck of cards. How unfair. And to my Muslim friends, yes the ones who refuse to post comments on this blog, but oh-so-gleefully email me or call me with their comments afterwards....What the heck? What about the statement that "after hardship always comes ease?" Am I the anomaly or something? After an 11 year crappy marriage and a 2 year crappy separation...Where is the ease? I'm not getting that verse. Please explain. Sometimes, I think that life just hands you a gyp of a deck of cards. And the deal just doesn't ever get any better.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Spring
Whenever the spring comes, I get the urge to do the detailed house cleaning. I looked around the place last night and realized it's time. I have the urge to dump everything out of all the cupboards, drawers, closets and throw half of it out. Then it will be all re-organized and neat, and all the unnecessary stuff will be gone. I know....These are the thoughts of a crazy woman. The things that go through my head...
I had my friends over for dinner last night. They came with their son, and the children had a fantastic time playing. It's really funny, because this friend is a die hard fan of chicken jalfreezi. Those of you who know Indian food know what it is. Those of you who don't- well - its a yummy Indian chicken dish with green peppers and onions etc. Anyhow...He wanted to try my mom's and mine side by side and see whose was better. My mom thought it was funny so she made hers, I made mine, and we ate both. (My mom and I make the dish differently- go figure). Anyhow, mine won :-) Well, that's what my friend said, but personally I liked my mom's better. I think they were being nice so they wouldn't hurt my feelings, but that's good too. I've been a bit unsure of myself these days so every little bit helps I guess.
Ahh the diary of a crazy woman. Why do you people even bother reading my random thoughts?! Who's crazier, me or you? :-) Ponder that for awhile...
I had my friends over for dinner last night. They came with their son, and the children had a fantastic time playing. It's really funny, because this friend is a die hard fan of chicken jalfreezi. Those of you who know Indian food know what it is. Those of you who don't- well - its a yummy Indian chicken dish with green peppers and onions etc. Anyhow...He wanted to try my mom's and mine side by side and see whose was better. My mom thought it was funny so she made hers, I made mine, and we ate both. (My mom and I make the dish differently- go figure). Anyhow, mine won :-) Well, that's what my friend said, but personally I liked my mom's better. I think they were being nice so they wouldn't hurt my feelings, but that's good too. I've been a bit unsure of myself these days so every little bit helps I guess.
Ahh the diary of a crazy woman. Why do you people even bother reading my random thoughts?! Who's crazier, me or you? :-) Ponder that for awhile...
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Shoe Shopping
It's April!!! Do you KNOW what that means? I made it to my personal goal!!! Nevermind the fact that I am totally financially a mess these days. Any of you who read 65 Pairs of Shoes in October remember that I promised I would not buy new shoes until April. It's APRIL! Glorious April! And do you know what I did? I bought 3 pairs of shoes! I love meeting personal goals. Oh Happy Day!
So 3 pairs- Black high heeled sandal with a flower on the front, leopard printed sandal (who can resist the leopard?) and casual suede walking shoes, for my practical side. Hooray! Now I have 68 pairs of shoes! Wow....Between this and the pink entry from yesterday, I'm starting to feel a bit airheaded and blonde (no disrespect to my blonde friends). I guess that's the weird thing about me. I can be business minded, book smart and the like, but I can also be a TOTAL girl :-)
I guess that makes me a bit complicated. (Although....I would prefer to position it as interesting) :-) Yes, let's use interesting. It's much more positive than "complicated". Now for the next step- handbag shopping- no - I'm kidding. I'm officially broke. No frills till the ex gets a job and starts paying child support again. No child support means bills are harder to pay, so I do have to hold off. In my own defense, the shoes were on major sale. I won't tell how much but let's just say I did really well. :-)
And besides. I needed to get my mind off some things today which is why the shoe shopping was an absolute must. I did get my mind off those things while I was shopping but I must admit...It's on my mind again. Hmm- maybe shopping therapy doesn't quite last as long as dealing with what's on your mind. Oh well. I'll take shopping therapy any day :-)
So 3 pairs- Black high heeled sandal with a flower on the front, leopard printed sandal (who can resist the leopard?) and casual suede walking shoes, for my practical side. Hooray! Now I have 68 pairs of shoes! Wow....Between this and the pink entry from yesterday, I'm starting to feel a bit airheaded and blonde (no disrespect to my blonde friends). I guess that's the weird thing about me. I can be business minded, book smart and the like, but I can also be a TOTAL girl :-)
I guess that makes me a bit complicated. (Although....I would prefer to position it as interesting) :-) Yes, let's use interesting. It's much more positive than "complicated". Now for the next step- handbag shopping- no - I'm kidding. I'm officially broke. No frills till the ex gets a job and starts paying child support again. No child support means bills are harder to pay, so I do have to hold off. In my own defense, the shoes were on major sale. I won't tell how much but let's just say I did really well. :-)
And besides. I needed to get my mind off some things today which is why the shoe shopping was an absolute must. I did get my mind off those things while I was shopping but I must admit...It's on my mind again. Hmm- maybe shopping therapy doesn't quite last as long as dealing with what's on your mind. Oh well. I'll take shopping therapy any day :-)
Pink
I love pink. It's my absolute favourite colour in the world. I can't explain it, it's just been that way since I was about 12. My daughter is a mini replica of me on this front, because she adores pink too, and I find it so cute. So here we go- a pink blog. I LOVE it. There is something about colour. It can instantly lift your moods. There is something about pink. Whenever I see it, it makes me smile. Instant happiness.
I've been having a really blah morning. Not sure what's wrong with me today. I've had the blinds shut, sitting here just working on my laptop. I figured playing around with the blog colour might make me happy. It did.
Oh- and I'm also waiting for my *PINK* razorphone. Yes, I'm getting one. Hell yeah, it will be pink. I had a colleague at the office joke about how stupid I will look wearing a black business suit and pulling a pink phone out in front of some executive at the office. Quite frankly my dear, I just don't give a damn. It's the happy factor - pink phone it is. Pink phone, pink blog, pink everything. I LOVE it.
I've been having a really blah morning. Not sure what's wrong with me today. I've had the blinds shut, sitting here just working on my laptop. I figured playing around with the blog colour might make me happy. It did.
Oh- and I'm also waiting for my *PINK* razorphone. Yes, I'm getting one. Hell yeah, it will be pink. I had a colleague at the office joke about how stupid I will look wearing a black business suit and pulling a pink phone out in front of some executive at the office. Quite frankly my dear, I just don't give a damn. It's the happy factor - pink phone it is. Pink phone, pink blog, pink everything. I LOVE it.
Emotional Baggage
I've been thinking about this one quite a bit lately. Emotional baggage is a horrible thing, yet many of us can be haunted by it for such a long period of time. It's weird how for some people, their past can haunt them for life, and yet others are capable of moving on, despite many horrible experiences. I personally have been determined not to be one of the people who gets paralyzed from the things that have happened in my past. The way I see it, if I ever do decide to pursue another relationship, it is not that person's responsibility to deal with my issues. At the end of the day, while there are some people out there who are kind enough to do just that, it truly isn't fair for others to have to deal with my emotional baggage. That is mine, and mine alone to deal with.
I'm hoping that I'm dealing with it in a good way. I've done the therapy thing, I've given myself a two year separation to deal with my ex, and I've given myself the opportunity to like myself again. I even took Oprah's advice. I read an article in one of her magazines where it states that 50% of the power of an abusive relationship comes from the secrecy and the silence. The more you cover it up, the more it haunts you. I took that to heart. I started talking about it, admitting it, dealing with it. Just read this blog from September to now and you'll see the difference. I'm doing the very best I can to be responsible with my life, with my future, with my emotional self. And all issues aside (women can always see things wrong with themselves), I can honestly say that I do like myself now more than I ever have in my life. I mean, I'm not the slimmest I've ever been (after two kids, who is?), nor is my skin as radiant as it was in my 20's, but I can honestly say that I do feel more attractive, and more worthy of happiness than I ever have in my life. I think that's the key- we all need to feel like we are WORTHY of being happy- like we deserve it. This and only this will allow us to achieve true happiness. As long as we feel that we are not worthy of better, we will never be able to find it. I think I'm worthy, and now I'm demanding it.
The people around me have to respect me. They have to genuinely care about me. They have to want the best for me, and they have to be willing to return as much love to me as I give to them. It's not about reciprocation exactly, but it is about not allowing myself to be anyone's personal punching bag ever again. Whether that be physically or emotionally, it doesn't matter. If you can't give me something that contributes to a friendship or relationship, if you are here just to drain me and be a parasite, I will show you the door. That is my vow to myself.
I have family members who have felt the difference. I haven't had to say a word. There was no "you make me feel crap about myself" discussion. I just became busy. Too busy to call, too busy to be around, too busy to allow myself to get hurt. And it was the best thing I could have done for myself. I'm glad I did it. I'm glad I'm doing it. I'm glad I'm strong enough to walk away. I do, however have a small handful of friends to thank for my strength. You know who you are.
So- Here is to responsibility, to taking care of ourselves, to allowing ourselves to be happy- NO- To ensuring that we are happy. Anything shy of that would just be wrong.
I'm hoping that I'm dealing with it in a good way. I've done the therapy thing, I've given myself a two year separation to deal with my ex, and I've given myself the opportunity to like myself again. I even took Oprah's advice. I read an article in one of her magazines where it states that 50% of the power of an abusive relationship comes from the secrecy and the silence. The more you cover it up, the more it haunts you. I took that to heart. I started talking about it, admitting it, dealing with it. Just read this blog from September to now and you'll see the difference. I'm doing the very best I can to be responsible with my life, with my future, with my emotional self. And all issues aside (women can always see things wrong with themselves), I can honestly say that I do like myself now more than I ever have in my life. I mean, I'm not the slimmest I've ever been (after two kids, who is?), nor is my skin as radiant as it was in my 20's, but I can honestly say that I do feel more attractive, and more worthy of happiness than I ever have in my life. I think that's the key- we all need to feel like we are WORTHY of being happy- like we deserve it. This and only this will allow us to achieve true happiness. As long as we feel that we are not worthy of better, we will never be able to find it. I think I'm worthy, and now I'm demanding it.
The people around me have to respect me. They have to genuinely care about me. They have to want the best for me, and they have to be willing to return as much love to me as I give to them. It's not about reciprocation exactly, but it is about not allowing myself to be anyone's personal punching bag ever again. Whether that be physically or emotionally, it doesn't matter. If you can't give me something that contributes to a friendship or relationship, if you are here just to drain me and be a parasite, I will show you the door. That is my vow to myself.
I have family members who have felt the difference. I haven't had to say a word. There was no "you make me feel crap about myself" discussion. I just became busy. Too busy to call, too busy to be around, too busy to allow myself to get hurt. And it was the best thing I could have done for myself. I'm glad I did it. I'm glad I'm doing it. I'm glad I'm strong enough to walk away. I do, however have a small handful of friends to thank for my strength. You know who you are.
So- Here is to responsibility, to taking care of ourselves, to allowing ourselves to be happy- NO- To ensuring that we are happy. Anything shy of that would just be wrong.
Friday, April 21, 2006
First Phone Call
My son received his first telephone call from a friend. It's not that he hasn't spoken on the phone before, because he has, many times. But usually, the telephone conversations he has are with relatives, or my girlfriend's children during my call. I was really surprised when the phone rang and a little voice enquired if my son was home and available to talk.
I called him to the phone. His eyes were wide and he exclaimed, "It's for me? Really? Who is it?" I told him it was his friend from school, and he just beamed. I handed him the phone and listened to him talking. He told his friend he was really excited to hear from him. He said "isn't this exciting? We're talking on the phone and it's not school time, and we're school friends". It was really cute. My son told his friend that they were best friends, and that they would be for life. Very cute.
I have heard my son speak of this friend before. My son speaks of him fondly. But it was different to have the phone ring and to have a little voice ask for my son. I guess this is just the beginning. When he hits high school, I'm sure I'll be begging him to get off the phone, since I've been there, and my experience tells me that that's how it always goes with teenage kids. In the meantime, I'll sit back and enjoy the excitement with my son who is now proud that his friends are calling and visiting his home. This is after all, our home together.
Maybe I'll have to think of changing the names on my answering machine to reflect that this is not just my home, but the children's home as well. My little babies are growing up.
I called him to the phone. His eyes were wide and he exclaimed, "It's for me? Really? Who is it?" I told him it was his friend from school, and he just beamed. I handed him the phone and listened to him talking. He told his friend he was really excited to hear from him. He said "isn't this exciting? We're talking on the phone and it's not school time, and we're school friends". It was really cute. My son told his friend that they were best friends, and that they would be for life. Very cute.
I have heard my son speak of this friend before. My son speaks of him fondly. But it was different to have the phone ring and to have a little voice ask for my son. I guess this is just the beginning. When he hits high school, I'm sure I'll be begging him to get off the phone, since I've been there, and my experience tells me that that's how it always goes with teenage kids. In the meantime, I'll sit back and enjoy the excitement with my son who is now proud that his friends are calling and visiting his home. This is after all, our home together.
Maybe I'll have to think of changing the names on my answering machine to reflect that this is not just my home, but the children's home as well. My little babies are growing up.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Indifference
I was reading a magazine and I read an article on indifference. I think a friend commented about this very topic to me before. This particular article was about relationships in general. It talked about relationships when they go bad, or how you know that a relationship is bad from the start. It talked about how you can know if someone loves you, or when you know that they just do not.
Basically, the article was talking about love. It said that most people mistakenly believe that the opposite of love is hate. I am one of those people, who before reading the article, thought that as well. But it's not true. The opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference.
This was a major "aha" for me. I think for all those years, I waited for signs of hate from my ex. I waited for the wrong thing. I mean aside from the fact that a blow to the face should have been enough to make me walk in the first place, I think the absence of real hate was what kept me there. Allow me to explain.
I always saw my ex's temper as just that- his temper. I saw it as a key issue for him, but always saw it as something he was battling, but not as something that was specific towards me alone. He never hit or threw things because he hated me, he did it because he's a temperamental man with really unacceptable and uncontrollable behavior. He never hated me, in fact, in many ways he did care about me, and in other ways, he just did not. The fact that I didn't see any signs of "hate" made me think that perhaps there was a way that he could change, get better, and get over his issues. I clearly thought wrong. But here's another thing.
There was the indifference. I never noticed it before, but I always knew it was there. He didn't care what I did unless it directly affected him. He didn't care to respond to my feelings unless I specifically asked him to. He just didn't care. Indifference. The opposite of love is indifference. If you don't love someone, you don't care about them- what they do doesn't affect you either way. It just doesn't matter to you. You can live without them, you can do without them, you can pass the time without them. It just doesn't matter.
Here's another kicker. You can't make someone love you. You can't really change indifference. I have a friend who has been acting somewhat indifferent lately, and it was really bothering me. Now I get it. I need to walk away from these friendships and relationships. I need to protect myself from the indifference if it comes in close relationships- close friends, relationships, family. If a person is indifferent towards you, it 's the opposite of love, so get over it and move on. I think that's what I'm seeing with this particular friend. Indifference. WOW - it's so lethal, yet we are so slow to see it. Not this time through. No thanks.
Indifference on its own is not a bad thing. We are often indifferent with colleagues, or acquaintances, and rightly so. But it should NEVER be that way with friends, partners or family. NEVER. And if it is, we need to re-evaluate things. I'm going to do just that, and moving forward, I'm going to be walking with my eyes open on this front. Wide open. No more indifference from close relationships. Acquaintances yes, co-workers yes. Family, friends, significant others, NEVER again. Here's to learning from our mistakes.
Basically, the article was talking about love. It said that most people mistakenly believe that the opposite of love is hate. I am one of those people, who before reading the article, thought that as well. But it's not true. The opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference.
This was a major "aha" for me. I think for all those years, I waited for signs of hate from my ex. I waited for the wrong thing. I mean aside from the fact that a blow to the face should have been enough to make me walk in the first place, I think the absence of real hate was what kept me there. Allow me to explain.
I always saw my ex's temper as just that- his temper. I saw it as a key issue for him, but always saw it as something he was battling, but not as something that was specific towards me alone. He never hit or threw things because he hated me, he did it because he's a temperamental man with really unacceptable and uncontrollable behavior. He never hated me, in fact, in many ways he did care about me, and in other ways, he just did not. The fact that I didn't see any signs of "hate" made me think that perhaps there was a way that he could change, get better, and get over his issues. I clearly thought wrong. But here's another thing.
There was the indifference. I never noticed it before, but I always knew it was there. He didn't care what I did unless it directly affected him. He didn't care to respond to my feelings unless I specifically asked him to. He just didn't care. Indifference. The opposite of love is indifference. If you don't love someone, you don't care about them- what they do doesn't affect you either way. It just doesn't matter to you. You can live without them, you can do without them, you can pass the time without them. It just doesn't matter.
Here's another kicker. You can't make someone love you. You can't really change indifference. I have a friend who has been acting somewhat indifferent lately, and it was really bothering me. Now I get it. I need to walk away from these friendships and relationships. I need to protect myself from the indifference if it comes in close relationships- close friends, relationships, family. If a person is indifferent towards you, it 's the opposite of love, so get over it and move on. I think that's what I'm seeing with this particular friend. Indifference. WOW - it's so lethal, yet we are so slow to see it. Not this time through. No thanks.
Indifference on its own is not a bad thing. We are often indifferent with colleagues, or acquaintances, and rightly so. But it should NEVER be that way with friends, partners or family. NEVER. And if it is, we need to re-evaluate things. I'm going to do just that, and moving forward, I'm going to be walking with my eyes open on this front. Wide open. No more indifference from close relationships. Acquaintances yes, co-workers yes. Family, friends, significant others, NEVER again. Here's to learning from our mistakes.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Spring colds
It is almost amusing how I can last the whole winter and fall season without getting sick and then boom- spring comes and I catch a cold. What is up with that? Neither of us- myself or the children got sick this winter, so that's good news. Today, I feel under the weather, and I can see my son starting to catch something. Fortunately, I usually bounce back in 24-48 hours.
So today, I am at home. It's weird. This month, between vacation time, Easter days off and now this, I've spent a lot of time at home. I'm partially working today. I'll spot check email, but I intend to spend the bulk of the day in bed, sleeping this off.
It takes me back to high school. When I would get sick, my friends from school would come out of class and phone me all day long. I would get flowers and visits. The best part of the day was when my dad would come home, because he would run up the stairs to greet me first, kiss my forehead, ask how I was doing and then proceed to wash up before dinner. Dad would ask me if he could bring me my dinner to my room, and often he would sit and talk with me while I ate.
I miss those days. I mean the biggest responsibility was passing school tests, and really that was nothing at all. Funny- as you get older, you feel the effects of real responsibility. I mean, I'm sick and I'm home on my own. Nobody's going to make my chicken soup, nobody's going to bring me a lunch tray. And why should they? I'm a grown woman, and I can fend for myself. My ex didn't even do stuff like that, except perhaps occasionally, but not all that often. I've come not to expect it, and to understand that this is how life is as you get older.
I do fully intend to continue to dote on my children when they are sick, so that when they grow up and look back at their younger years, they will have the same fond memories that I have today.
So today, I am at home. It's weird. This month, between vacation time, Easter days off and now this, I've spent a lot of time at home. I'm partially working today. I'll spot check email, but I intend to spend the bulk of the day in bed, sleeping this off.
It takes me back to high school. When I would get sick, my friends from school would come out of class and phone me all day long. I would get flowers and visits. The best part of the day was when my dad would come home, because he would run up the stairs to greet me first, kiss my forehead, ask how I was doing and then proceed to wash up before dinner. Dad would ask me if he could bring me my dinner to my room, and often he would sit and talk with me while I ate.
I miss those days. I mean the biggest responsibility was passing school tests, and really that was nothing at all. Funny- as you get older, you feel the effects of real responsibility. I mean, I'm sick and I'm home on my own. Nobody's going to make my chicken soup, nobody's going to bring me a lunch tray. And why should they? I'm a grown woman, and I can fend for myself. My ex didn't even do stuff like that, except perhaps occasionally, but not all that often. I've come not to expect it, and to understand that this is how life is as you get older.
I do fully intend to continue to dote on my children when they are sick, so that when they grow up and look back at their younger years, they will have the same fond memories that I have today.
Monday, April 17, 2006
Children in the Home Office
I'm working from home today. I had a last minute child care glitch with my ex who was supposed to watch the children so I could go in to work. He says he has the flu, although I'm a bit skeptical (I know- that sounds so mean). I'm just not sure. Part of me is so tempted to call the insurance company and find out if any meds were filled under his name this weekend. The other part says don't bother wasting your time.
So, I've decided to switch my Friday and Monday around this week and work from home today. I'll go into the office on Friday. The only difference is that the children are home with me, which does make conference calls etc a bit more complicated, but I'm sure I'll manage. I always make do with whatever situation comes my way.
As for me, I had a nice weekend. As it turns out, since my ex was sick, I ended up having the children with me for pretty much the whole weekend. That was a bonus. I enjoyed the time with them, and they seem to have enjoyed the time with me. I love it when they reassure me about my parenting. Last night when I was putting them to bed, my daughter whispered in my ear "Mommy- why are you so nice to us, is it because you want us to love you?". My reply "No baby, I'm nice to you because you're my baby and because I will always love you no matter what. It's not to make you love me, it's because I love you". Her smile lit up the room and melted my heart.
If I accomplish nothing else in this world, at least I know that I will have been able to give security and happiness to my innocent 4 year old daughter, at a point in her life where things are changing so often, and personal security is of critical importance to her development. That is just golden.
So, I've decided to switch my Friday and Monday around this week and work from home today. I'll go into the office on Friday. The only difference is that the children are home with me, which does make conference calls etc a bit more complicated, but I'm sure I'll manage. I always make do with whatever situation comes my way.
As for me, I had a nice weekend. As it turns out, since my ex was sick, I ended up having the children with me for pretty much the whole weekend. That was a bonus. I enjoyed the time with them, and they seem to have enjoyed the time with me. I love it when they reassure me about my parenting. Last night when I was putting them to bed, my daughter whispered in my ear "Mommy- why are you so nice to us, is it because you want us to love you?". My reply "No baby, I'm nice to you because you're my baby and because I will always love you no matter what. It's not to make you love me, it's because I love you". Her smile lit up the room and melted my heart.
If I accomplish nothing else in this world, at least I know that I will have been able to give security and happiness to my innocent 4 year old daughter, at a point in her life where things are changing so often, and personal security is of critical importance to her development. That is just golden.
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Missing from the List?
I was with some friends yesterday and I had a bit of an "Aha" moment. I realized something. When I did my post a couple days ago about the 15 things that make me happy, there is one thing that isn't on there. My job. That might not be a surprise to anyone else, but it's an enormous surprise to me. Here's why.
I actually love my job. I love the company I work for, and the people I work with. I love what I do on a day to day basis. I enjoy it. But when I did the list, my job didn't come to mind. And now that I'm sitting here and re-evaluating, I still wouldn't add it to the list. The big deal here is that two years ago, my job would have been on top of the list. Two years ago, I was in a marriage so bad that my only retreat was work. I would go in at 6am and come home anywhere from 6-9pm. Anything to stay away from home. Life was miserable, and the office was my haven. In those days, I would have said that my job was the most important thing in my life, and one of the few things that brought me joy (that and of course my children).
Today, my job is still important to me, and I still enjoy it very much. I am NOT one of those people who gets up and says "oh God, now I have to go to the office". I don't mind it at all. The interesting thing is that I have found other sources of joy and happiness such that the office is now a means to an end, not the end in itself. And yes, while I do enjoy it, there are many other things that I enjoy a heck of a lot more. I wonder how this list will look in another two years? What a thought....
I always knew that leaving this marriage would be good for me. I always knew that I would be better off. And while I have the material things to show for it, the house, the car, the lifestyle, it doesn't hit you as hard as evaluating the softer elements....Like the fact that just two short years later, my perspective has changed so very much. Now THAT's progress.
I actually love my job. I love the company I work for, and the people I work with. I love what I do on a day to day basis. I enjoy it. But when I did the list, my job didn't come to mind. And now that I'm sitting here and re-evaluating, I still wouldn't add it to the list. The big deal here is that two years ago, my job would have been on top of the list. Two years ago, I was in a marriage so bad that my only retreat was work. I would go in at 6am and come home anywhere from 6-9pm. Anything to stay away from home. Life was miserable, and the office was my haven. In those days, I would have said that my job was the most important thing in my life, and one of the few things that brought me joy (that and of course my children).
Today, my job is still important to me, and I still enjoy it very much. I am NOT one of those people who gets up and says "oh God, now I have to go to the office". I don't mind it at all. The interesting thing is that I have found other sources of joy and happiness such that the office is now a means to an end, not the end in itself. And yes, while I do enjoy it, there are many other things that I enjoy a heck of a lot more. I wonder how this list will look in another two years? What a thought....
I always knew that leaving this marriage would be good for me. I always knew that I would be better off. And while I have the material things to show for it, the house, the car, the lifestyle, it doesn't hit you as hard as evaluating the softer elements....Like the fact that just two short years later, my perspective has changed so very much. Now THAT's progress.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
What Doesn't Scar You for Life Will Make You Stronger
I guess that pretty much sums it up. Today's personal thought- why do some experiences scar us for a long period of time (like years), and others somehow make us stronger? I have several friends who are separated or divorced and while some people had worse experiences than others, it's hard to tell which of us will heal, and which of us will have a harder time healing. I'm wondering what the magic formula actually is.
Why do some people manage to move on from traumatic experiences, while others are haunted by them? Is it luck of the draw? Is it denial that makes the problem prolonged for an extended period of time? What can we as people do to help things along, and how do we know if what we are doing will be enough, say, several years from now?
Healing is a funny process. We can't always know what will make us heal. We can't know what mistakes we are making until after we have made them. Life is so funny sometimes.
Either way, I'm hoping that I'm on a good track to permanent healing. I think I am. I mean, while I feel a bit sad in a nostalgic way that my 11 year marriage is coming to an end, I am, at the same time, very much relieved, and have no desire to go back. That has to be a good sign. I'm also very much ready to move on and enjoy life, whatever that may entail.
I just realized this- I am no longer having those nightmares about the abuse. Somehow during the 3 weeks that I took off work, the nightmares stopped. My sleeping patterns aren't perfect, but at least they are no longer traumatic. That has to be a good sign.
Yep, I think I'm on my way. Everything seems to be falling in place. Naturally, I can't know for sure until several years have passed, but I'm hoping that I'm doing all the right things. If nothing else, moving on in a healthy way has been a top priority for me. Thank God I managed to finally recognize the importance of self care.
Why do some people manage to move on from traumatic experiences, while others are haunted by them? Is it luck of the draw? Is it denial that makes the problem prolonged for an extended period of time? What can we as people do to help things along, and how do we know if what we are doing will be enough, say, several years from now?
Healing is a funny process. We can't always know what will make us heal. We can't know what mistakes we are making until after we have made them. Life is so funny sometimes.
Either way, I'm hoping that I'm on a good track to permanent healing. I think I am. I mean, while I feel a bit sad in a nostalgic way that my 11 year marriage is coming to an end, I am, at the same time, very much relieved, and have no desire to go back. That has to be a good sign. I'm also very much ready to move on and enjoy life, whatever that may entail.
I just realized this- I am no longer having those nightmares about the abuse. Somehow during the 3 weeks that I took off work, the nightmares stopped. My sleeping patterns aren't perfect, but at least they are no longer traumatic. That has to be a good sign.
Yep, I think I'm on my way. Everything seems to be falling in place. Naturally, I can't know for sure until several years have passed, but I'm hoping that I'm doing all the right things. If nothing else, moving on in a healthy way has been a top priority for me. Thank God I managed to finally recognize the importance of self care.
Friday, April 14, 2006
15 Things that Make me Happy
I thought I'd do this just for fun:
- My children's hugs and kisses
- A day spent in the company of a good friend
- Flowers
- Chocolate
- Shopping
- Finding money (like left in a purse in the closet)
- Travelling
- A good night's sleep
- Cuddling under a big blanket and watching a movie
- Receiving a sincere compliment
- Knowing I was able to help someone and they appreciated it
- Sunshine
- Looking in the Mirror and being ok with how I look
- Giving someone a present
- Receiving a present
I guess that actually tells a lot about me. That was fun. So, I'm going to buy myself flowers every week, and chocolate once a month. I'm going to make it a point to open the blinds in the morning, let the sunshine in, and bask in the glory of receiving hugs and kisses from my little ones while I let the sun shine through.
Aaaahhh. The little things in life. If I hadn't done this, I may not have realized how easy it is to add just a touch of happiness into each and every day. :-)
- My children's hugs and kisses
- A day spent in the company of a good friend
- Flowers
- Chocolate
- Shopping
- Finding money (like left in a purse in the closet)
- Travelling
- A good night's sleep
- Cuddling under a big blanket and watching a movie
- Receiving a sincere compliment
- Knowing I was able to help someone and they appreciated it
- Sunshine
- Looking in the Mirror and being ok with how I look
- Giving someone a present
- Receiving a present
I guess that actually tells a lot about me. That was fun. So, I'm going to buy myself flowers every week, and chocolate once a month. I'm going to make it a point to open the blinds in the morning, let the sunshine in, and bask in the glory of receiving hugs and kisses from my little ones while I let the sun shine through.
Aaaahhh. The little things in life. If I hadn't done this, I may not have realized how easy it is to add just a touch of happiness into each and every day. :-)
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Dis-Engage
I had a great chat with my good friend Graham. Graham and I were talking about my ex, his recent stunts, and my reaction to all of them. His basic answer- I need to learn to dis-engage.
My ex manages to loop me into these weird issues. My ex manages to get me all worked up and I end up wasting too much mental energy. Graham says that I need to think of it as a lab experiment. My ex just wants attention. If he gets attention, it will reinforce his behavior. If I ignore all his attempts for attention, it will stop his behavior. What I've been doing is intermittently giving in. Graham says this is the worst, because it not only reinforces the behavior but makes it happen more often as well. Graham believes that if I ignore my ex, he will find someone else to bother. Interesting theory. So, for the next few weeks, no matter how difficult he gets, I'm going to ignore it. Hopefully he will go away. So that means no replies to emails, phone calls, or conversations. Let's see how this goes. I suck at this game. I'm not a game player. I am always honest and straight with people. This just feels wrong.
Anyhow, enough about him. The world is a puzzling place sometimes. Just when I think that my ex was the only puzzling guy on the planet, I realize, they're all a bit puzzling in their own way. I have some friends etc that have taught me that. I guess the joke is on me. I always thought life would be easier once I left my ex. I thought the world would be easy to understand. I thought wrong. I just realized...I guess all humans are puzzling in different ways. There are very few people left that can be read like an open book. Well, except for me, that is. And now I'm starting to realize that it's not necessarily a good thing. There are some serious benefits in having a poker face. Being naive like myself is the same as being stupid, and being an open book makes me naive as well as vulnerable. What a bad combination.
So, here is my new goal- I'm going to try to be a little less open, honest, and trusting. I think I am setting myself up to be hurt way too often in life. I think I need to learn to be just a little bit more private about things (well, except maybe in this blog, this is my venting space)...
Let's see how long this will last. My guess is that I'll get tired and drained from acting all private, but either way, let's see. Maybe, if nothing else, it will protect me in the future. I did like the person that I am, but I'm also realizing that who I am is a good part of the reason why I get hurt so often in life. Dis-engaging from the world is not necessarily a bad idea. Thanks Graham.
My ex manages to loop me into these weird issues. My ex manages to get me all worked up and I end up wasting too much mental energy. Graham says that I need to think of it as a lab experiment. My ex just wants attention. If he gets attention, it will reinforce his behavior. If I ignore all his attempts for attention, it will stop his behavior. What I've been doing is intermittently giving in. Graham says this is the worst, because it not only reinforces the behavior but makes it happen more often as well. Graham believes that if I ignore my ex, he will find someone else to bother. Interesting theory. So, for the next few weeks, no matter how difficult he gets, I'm going to ignore it. Hopefully he will go away. So that means no replies to emails, phone calls, or conversations. Let's see how this goes. I suck at this game. I'm not a game player. I am always honest and straight with people. This just feels wrong.
Anyhow, enough about him. The world is a puzzling place sometimes. Just when I think that my ex was the only puzzling guy on the planet, I realize, they're all a bit puzzling in their own way. I have some friends etc that have taught me that. I guess the joke is on me. I always thought life would be easier once I left my ex. I thought the world would be easy to understand. I thought wrong. I just realized...I guess all humans are puzzling in different ways. There are very few people left that can be read like an open book. Well, except for me, that is. And now I'm starting to realize that it's not necessarily a good thing. There are some serious benefits in having a poker face. Being naive like myself is the same as being stupid, and being an open book makes me naive as well as vulnerable. What a bad combination.
So, here is my new goal- I'm going to try to be a little less open, honest, and trusting. I think I am setting myself up to be hurt way too often in life. I think I need to learn to be just a little bit more private about things (well, except maybe in this blog, this is my venting space)...
Let's see how long this will last. My guess is that I'll get tired and drained from acting all private, but either way, let's see. Maybe, if nothing else, it will protect me in the future. I did like the person that I am, but I'm also realizing that who I am is a good part of the reason why I get hurt so often in life. Dis-engaging from the world is not necessarily a bad idea. Thanks Graham.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Why are Relationships so Fickle?
I've been wondering about this one for awhile. And before anyone asks, it's not about being bitter. I actually don't think that I am bitter at all. I think the experiences that I've had have taught me a great deal about life, about the importance of valuing a good thing when you have it, and of walking away if you're in a really bad situation. All important lessons. It is unfortunate that I had to learn them the way that I did, but I'm a stronger and better person as a result.
Being another divorce statistic has, however, got me wondering why this is so common. I mean, I look around me and divorce is so common here in North America. I have friends who are married to amazing guys and want to leave because, well "He's a lot of fun, we get along great, but I just don't love him anymore." This is just so lame. I guess the fact that you have children is irrelevant. Couldn't you have figured out that you don't love him BEFORE you married him? What the heck?
And there are people like myself who pathetically hold on for 11 years, only to realize that while people are capable of change, you cannot force another person to change, nor can you put yourself in a bad situation while you wait or hope for them to realize that they need to change.
Let's open a whole other can of worms and bring up the amount of people that get divorced as a result of having an affair. These are the people who just should never have gotten married in the first place. Really, if you don't have the maturity to deal with relationship issues, and your solution is to have an affair, you shouldn't even be allowed to marry.
And then, there is the other category. The people who are afraid to marry. I'm not saying that I don't understand this sentiment, given how high divorce rates are these days. But I've met some genuinely nice people who would be awesome husbands or wives and just don't marry because they are afraid of making a mistake. It's all so very sad. I almost wish we could somehow pick out all the good people, set them up with eachother, find all the cheaters, set them up with eachother, and find all the rest and let them fend for themselves. But I guess the world just doesn't work that way.
People have very little integrity these days, especially where relationships are concerned. They are afraid of being honest. They are afraid of showing their true feelings. They are either too afraid of commitment, or don't take it seriously and end up messing things up. What a sad, sad state. It almost makes me want to stay single forever. I said ALMOST.
And that is the kicker. We as humans are almost programmed to keep looking for that match...To keep hoping that one day, we will find the perfect person, knowing full well that perfection doesn't even exist. And then when we marry or get into a relationship, we realize we haven't found perfection (well duh!) and we kill whatever we do have. It's actually quite sad.
No I'm not depressed, nor am I being pathetic. Just observing. I think this world needs a good dose of integrity. I think people need to learn what a commitment is, and they need to understand the importance of appreciating what you do have, and counting your blessings when you have it. (Rant Over) :-)
Being another divorce statistic has, however, got me wondering why this is so common. I mean, I look around me and divorce is so common here in North America. I have friends who are married to amazing guys and want to leave because, well "He's a lot of fun, we get along great, but I just don't love him anymore." This is just so lame. I guess the fact that you have children is irrelevant. Couldn't you have figured out that you don't love him BEFORE you married him? What the heck?
And there are people like myself who pathetically hold on for 11 years, only to realize that while people are capable of change, you cannot force another person to change, nor can you put yourself in a bad situation while you wait or hope for them to realize that they need to change.
Let's open a whole other can of worms and bring up the amount of people that get divorced as a result of having an affair. These are the people who just should never have gotten married in the first place. Really, if you don't have the maturity to deal with relationship issues, and your solution is to have an affair, you shouldn't even be allowed to marry.
And then, there is the other category. The people who are afraid to marry. I'm not saying that I don't understand this sentiment, given how high divorce rates are these days. But I've met some genuinely nice people who would be awesome husbands or wives and just don't marry because they are afraid of making a mistake. It's all so very sad. I almost wish we could somehow pick out all the good people, set them up with eachother, find all the cheaters, set them up with eachother, and find all the rest and let them fend for themselves. But I guess the world just doesn't work that way.
People have very little integrity these days, especially where relationships are concerned. They are afraid of being honest. They are afraid of showing their true feelings. They are either too afraid of commitment, or don't take it seriously and end up messing things up. What a sad, sad state. It almost makes me want to stay single forever. I said ALMOST.
And that is the kicker. We as humans are almost programmed to keep looking for that match...To keep hoping that one day, we will find the perfect person, knowing full well that perfection doesn't even exist. And then when we marry or get into a relationship, we realize we haven't found perfection (well duh!) and we kill whatever we do have. It's actually quite sad.
No I'm not depressed, nor am I being pathetic. Just observing. I think this world needs a good dose of integrity. I think people need to learn what a commitment is, and they need to understand the importance of appreciating what you do have, and counting your blessings when you have it. (Rant Over) :-)
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Back to the Ratrace
Well, I'm back to work. Since I haven't been able to blog, I guess everyone can guess how insanely busy it's been. Just trying to get through the pile of email hell.
For the first time in my life, I actually envy people who get to stay home. When I first took the time off, I wondered what I will do with myself, how will I pass through 3 weeks without a trip planned, or work to do, and without getting bored? To be honest, the time passed well, and I enjoyed myself. My journaling and blogging even helped me learn a thing or two about myself.
On another note, on Sunday, I learned some rather disappointing news from my ex. He took the liberty of telling the children that we filed for divorce, and that mommy and daddy will "no longer be married". I think this was rather unfair, as this type of information would have been easier for the children to hear if it had come from both of us. I always envisioned sitting down with them together to tell them the news. I just thought that would be the most humane way to handle things. The joke, as always, is on me. (When will I learn???)
So, not only did my charming ex take the liberty of breaking the news to the children without my presence, or without consulting me, but he also took the liberty of telling them that their mother and father will likely move on and re-marry and that would mean that the children would likely have a stepmom and stepdad one day. I'm sure I don't need to tell anyone what that did to the children.
WHY on earth would anyone tell the children so much at once? Why would you bring potential future partners into the picture when neither of us is even in that space at the moment? Why would you handle the situation in such an insensitive way? These are children...This is not a game.
I'm not surprised that this happened. Nothing surprises me anymore. I can, however, very honestly say that I am very disappointed. I actually had hoped that if nothing else, my ex's love for his children would at least keep him on track, now I'm starting to wonder if that's the case.
It's funny. My doctor once told me that something about danger to children always brings out the tigress in a woman. He said that even the most gentle of women can find strength in themselves to do things that they normally wouldn't where the children are concerned. I had hoped that this would apply to all parents across the board. I'm starting to wonder if it's true that women have a softer spot for their children than men do. I know that this is a very unfair generalization, and I'll probably get slammed by many of my male friends for saying it, but right now, that's what I'm wondering. I'm not saying that men don't care about their children, or that they are bad parents. I know some absolutely fantastic fathers. I'm saying that I think women are more sensitive around the emotional state of their children. Maybe that old stereotype about women being the carers/nurturers isn't so very far off the mark. Maybe I'm wrong...It's just a thought. Any takers on this one?
For the first time in my life, I actually envy people who get to stay home. When I first took the time off, I wondered what I will do with myself, how will I pass through 3 weeks without a trip planned, or work to do, and without getting bored? To be honest, the time passed well, and I enjoyed myself. My journaling and blogging even helped me learn a thing or two about myself.
On another note, on Sunday, I learned some rather disappointing news from my ex. He took the liberty of telling the children that we filed for divorce, and that mommy and daddy will "no longer be married". I think this was rather unfair, as this type of information would have been easier for the children to hear if it had come from both of us. I always envisioned sitting down with them together to tell them the news. I just thought that would be the most humane way to handle things. The joke, as always, is on me. (When will I learn???)
So, not only did my charming ex take the liberty of breaking the news to the children without my presence, or without consulting me, but he also took the liberty of telling them that their mother and father will likely move on and re-marry and that would mean that the children would likely have a stepmom and stepdad one day. I'm sure I don't need to tell anyone what that did to the children.
WHY on earth would anyone tell the children so much at once? Why would you bring potential future partners into the picture when neither of us is even in that space at the moment? Why would you handle the situation in such an insensitive way? These are children...This is not a game.
I'm not surprised that this happened. Nothing surprises me anymore. I can, however, very honestly say that I am very disappointed. I actually had hoped that if nothing else, my ex's love for his children would at least keep him on track, now I'm starting to wonder if that's the case.
It's funny. My doctor once told me that something about danger to children always brings out the tigress in a woman. He said that even the most gentle of women can find strength in themselves to do things that they normally wouldn't where the children are concerned. I had hoped that this would apply to all parents across the board. I'm starting to wonder if it's true that women have a softer spot for their children than men do. I know that this is a very unfair generalization, and I'll probably get slammed by many of my male friends for saying it, but right now, that's what I'm wondering. I'm not saying that men don't care about their children, or that they are bad parents. I know some absolutely fantastic fathers. I'm saying that I think women are more sensitive around the emotional state of their children. Maybe that old stereotype about women being the carers/nurturers isn't so very far off the mark. Maybe I'm wrong...It's just a thought. Any takers on this one?
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Mentally Preparing for Monday
Well, this is it. It's Sunday morning. I had a weird stomach bug this weekend, and my sleep patterns are messed up. I need to get my sleep on track before Monday. I'm trying to mentally prepare for the fact that in just over 24 hours, I will be going back into the office after 3 weeks off.
I'm glad I took the time off. I definitely needed it. I'm glad I went to the gym. I'm glad the divorce papers have finally been signed. I'm hoping that the 3 weeks off was enough for me to be able to focus on work yet again. Part of me has missed the office, and the other part has really needed the break so badly. I've never been able to turn the blackberry off and not even be tempted to turn it on again. This was a first for me. The last time I took a few days off (in January), I had to hide the blackberry in the bottom of one of my clothing drawers to keep it out of sight, out of mind. This time, the blackberry was in my night-table, and it wasn't out of sight, but was definitely out of mind. This may not sound like a big deal to most of you, but for me, this is a huge deal. To be able to mentally disconnect from the office like this, without looking back, well, that is a first. I'm hoping I'll be able to keep it up.
That being said, I do miss the routine. In just 3 short weeks, I've lost track of dates etc. Part of the problem is that the blackberry is also my calendar. Without the calendar, I'm a bit disorganized. Time seems to just fly by. It's funny- the last time I was like this was when I was on mat leave. Mat leave taught me that I'm a person that needs structure on a regular basis, or I have trouble keeping organized.
So, here's my plan for Sunday- gym, laundry, pack lunches, spend time with the kids, and prepare for Monday. Sounds like a good wind down day to me. Monday at the office will be nuts catching up on everything. I'm sure I'll be bombarded with emails, meetings etc.
On another note, my knee seems to have healed well, so I'll be able to start taking the train into work again. That means I can clear my email on the way in. Ahhh, I missed my efficient side :-)
I'm glad I took the time off. I definitely needed it. I'm glad I went to the gym. I'm glad the divorce papers have finally been signed. I'm hoping that the 3 weeks off was enough for me to be able to focus on work yet again. Part of me has missed the office, and the other part has really needed the break so badly. I've never been able to turn the blackberry off and not even be tempted to turn it on again. This was a first for me. The last time I took a few days off (in January), I had to hide the blackberry in the bottom of one of my clothing drawers to keep it out of sight, out of mind. This time, the blackberry was in my night-table, and it wasn't out of sight, but was definitely out of mind. This may not sound like a big deal to most of you, but for me, this is a huge deal. To be able to mentally disconnect from the office like this, without looking back, well, that is a first. I'm hoping I'll be able to keep it up.
That being said, I do miss the routine. In just 3 short weeks, I've lost track of dates etc. Part of the problem is that the blackberry is also my calendar. Without the calendar, I'm a bit disorganized. Time seems to just fly by. It's funny- the last time I was like this was when I was on mat leave. Mat leave taught me that I'm a person that needs structure on a regular basis, or I have trouble keeping organized.
So, here's my plan for Sunday- gym, laundry, pack lunches, spend time with the kids, and prepare for Monday. Sounds like a good wind down day to me. Monday at the office will be nuts catching up on everything. I'm sure I'll be bombarded with emails, meetings etc.
On another note, my knee seems to have healed well, so I'll be able to start taking the train into work again. That means I can clear my email on the way in. Ahhh, I missed my efficient side :-)
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Trust
I had a conversation about trust with a friend last night. It was actually an interesting conversation. I learned something about trust. For me, trust has always been around things like maintaining eachother's confidence, never lying to eachother, and on a personal note, knowing that the other person wouldn't hurt you physically.
My friend pointed out another kind of trust that I've taken for granted all these years. It's an emotional trust around how information is used. If I tell you something very personal about myself, I am trusting that you would never use that information against me when it becomes useful to you. For example, if I tell you that I am insecure about something, I am trusting that you wouldn't use that insecurity to your advantage say, in an argument or something. I've never thought of this one before, but it's true...And to be honest, I think people hurt eachother on this level more often than they should.
Try counting how many people around you have NOT done this to you at one point or another. So far, in my life, I can only think of three people. One is a dear friend from the office, and two are friends that I made more recently, within the past year, (so in honesty, this could change in time). It's funny because it happens so often we almost come to accept it as the norm, but it shouldn't be.
I'm actually not complaining, just reflecting. Given my experiences over the past 15 years or so, I'm trying to see what I need to look for in life to make sure that I'm as "safe" emotionally and physically as I need to be, and that I'm ensuring that those around me feel equally as "safe" with me as I do with them. Emotional "safety" is such a luxury these days, because it's so hard to find.
I'm going to add this form of trust to my list. I thank my friend for the valuable discussion. Hopefully, I'll live up to this standard for those around me. Only then will I be worthy of expecting it from others.
My friend pointed out another kind of trust that I've taken for granted all these years. It's an emotional trust around how information is used. If I tell you something very personal about myself, I am trusting that you would never use that information against me when it becomes useful to you. For example, if I tell you that I am insecure about something, I am trusting that you wouldn't use that insecurity to your advantage say, in an argument or something. I've never thought of this one before, but it's true...And to be honest, I think people hurt eachother on this level more often than they should.
Try counting how many people around you have NOT done this to you at one point or another. So far, in my life, I can only think of three people. One is a dear friend from the office, and two are friends that I made more recently, within the past year, (so in honesty, this could change in time). It's funny because it happens so often we almost come to accept it as the norm, but it shouldn't be.
I'm actually not complaining, just reflecting. Given my experiences over the past 15 years or so, I'm trying to see what I need to look for in life to make sure that I'm as "safe" emotionally and physically as I need to be, and that I'm ensuring that those around me feel equally as "safe" with me as I do with them. Emotional "safety" is such a luxury these days, because it's so hard to find.
I'm going to add this form of trust to my list. I thank my friend for the valuable discussion. Hopefully, I'll live up to this standard for those around me. Only then will I be worthy of expecting it from others.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
What Would you Say to Your 20 Year Old Self?
This is a really interesting question. I was reading the Oprah Magazine (yes, I am an Oprah Winfrey fan). In the last issue, she asked women to write down what advice they would give to themselves, if they could write a note to their 20 year old self. This got me thinking. What would I say? What advise would I give?
Admittedly, the past 14 years or so have been incredibly draining. If I would ask myself would I do it all again, the answer is no, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But then again, there are many things that happened along the way that I am incredibly grateful for, things that have made me who I am today. And for the record, I like the person that I am. I know that may seem arrogant, but I don't mean it in an arrogant way. I actually have a clear conscience and I know that I have always done my very best. There is some peace in that, and I like that I've stuck to my principles all along.
So, to my 20 year old self, I think I would say the following; some are obvious, and some may not be obvious. Some are things I've learned over time, and others I should have known all along:
-never ever let anyone hurt you physically. It is not acceptable, and if you tolerate it, you teach others that it's ok
-Staying in a bad marriage is not an honourable thing to do. There is no "marriage cookie" at the end of the game. It's not a sign of strength, it's a sign of someone who is not capable of taking care of herself
-Allow yourself to be human. We all make mistakes. Mistakes are not bad, as long as we learn from them. Don't beat yourself up over little things
-Admitting that you don't know something/don't understand something is not a sign of stupidity. It's a sign of confidence (it took me a really long time to learn this one)
-Our inner voices are very strong, and have a lot of control over how we think and feel. Never allow that voice to get too negative.
-Marrying someone for "love" alone is not enough. There are other factors- trust, compatibility, temperament, outlook on life. All of these matter equally as much as love. And for the record, just because you love someone, it doesn't mean that they love you back
-You will know someone really loves you when you know with confidence that they would do anything to protect you, and when you know you can trust them. Never settle for anything less than that
-Religion is not about rituals. If you are hung up on rituals, you don't get it.
Wow....Little learnings. They seem so obvious. I think my 20 year old self should have known these things, but she didn't. My 34 year old self knows them, but it took all of my experiences to teach me these things. I wonder who I would have been had I not taken the path I took? Would I have been better off, or am I better off today? Isn't that a funny question? I actually think the things I like about myself came to me as a result of some of the bad experiences I had in marriage etc. Life is funny. There is always silver lining.
Admittedly, the past 14 years or so have been incredibly draining. If I would ask myself would I do it all again, the answer is no, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But then again, there are many things that happened along the way that I am incredibly grateful for, things that have made me who I am today. And for the record, I like the person that I am. I know that may seem arrogant, but I don't mean it in an arrogant way. I actually have a clear conscience and I know that I have always done my very best. There is some peace in that, and I like that I've stuck to my principles all along.
So, to my 20 year old self, I think I would say the following; some are obvious, and some may not be obvious. Some are things I've learned over time, and others I should have known all along:
-never ever let anyone hurt you physically. It is not acceptable, and if you tolerate it, you teach others that it's ok
-Staying in a bad marriage is not an honourable thing to do. There is no "marriage cookie" at the end of the game. It's not a sign of strength, it's a sign of someone who is not capable of taking care of herself
-Allow yourself to be human. We all make mistakes. Mistakes are not bad, as long as we learn from them. Don't beat yourself up over little things
-Admitting that you don't know something/don't understand something is not a sign of stupidity. It's a sign of confidence (it took me a really long time to learn this one)
-Our inner voices are very strong, and have a lot of control over how we think and feel. Never allow that voice to get too negative.
-Marrying someone for "love" alone is not enough. There are other factors- trust, compatibility, temperament, outlook on life. All of these matter equally as much as love. And for the record, just because you love someone, it doesn't mean that they love you back
-You will know someone really loves you when you know with confidence that they would do anything to protect you, and when you know you can trust them. Never settle for anything less than that
-Religion is not about rituals. If you are hung up on rituals, you don't get it.
Wow....Little learnings. They seem so obvious. I think my 20 year old self should have known these things, but she didn't. My 34 year old self knows them, but it took all of my experiences to teach me these things. I wonder who I would have been had I not taken the path I took? Would I have been better off, or am I better off today? Isn't that a funny question? I actually think the things I like about myself came to me as a result of some of the bad experiences I had in marriage etc. Life is funny. There is always silver lining.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Baby Talk
Children can be so comical. I do have to say the entertainment factor is loads of fun. I picked up my son from the babysitter today and then we went together to get my daughter from the Montessori school. Those of you who know my daughter know full well that she is the typical girly-girl. Everything is pink, and everything has to be just like a princess. We arrived at the school apparently 5 minutes after she had finished combing her precious long brown hair. My son, who was excited to see her, ran to her and gave her a big hug. After the hug, she put her hand flat on his chest and said "I know you love me, but PLEASE DO NOT touch my hair. I just finished combing it and making it pretty. You need to keep your hands away from me. Just smile and say hello".
I was shocked. Firstly, this was a bit rude and hurtful to my son, and secondly, to see this from a four year old was kind of sick, and kind of funny too. (I know, I feel bad admitting that I was somewhat amused by it, but I guess you had to be there). My son looked at her and said- "you may look pretty, but you are so lucky others cannot smell you." Then she looked at me, waiting for a response. "Well honey, you did kind of hurt his feelings. I thinks hugs are way more important than hair don't you?". I watched her apologize, hug her brother and ask him to forgive her for "not having princess behaviour". I'm rolling my eyes as I'm typing this :-) The drama of a four year old girl. :-)
So, my big accomplishment for today was finishing my taxes and going to the gym. Hooray for accomplishments. I feel like I had a really productive day, so that's good. Chalk one up for the non-existent TO-DO list ;-)
I was shocked. Firstly, this was a bit rude and hurtful to my son, and secondly, to see this from a four year old was kind of sick, and kind of funny too. (I know, I feel bad admitting that I was somewhat amused by it, but I guess you had to be there). My son looked at her and said- "you may look pretty, but you are so lucky others cannot smell you." Then she looked at me, waiting for a response. "Well honey, you did kind of hurt his feelings. I thinks hugs are way more important than hair don't you?". I watched her apologize, hug her brother and ask him to forgive her for "not having princess behaviour". I'm rolling my eyes as I'm typing this :-) The drama of a four year old girl. :-)
So, my big accomplishment for today was finishing my taxes and going to the gym. Hooray for accomplishments. I feel like I had a really productive day, so that's good. Chalk one up for the non-existent TO-DO list ;-)
Monday, April 03, 2006
Back Online
Well, that wasn't so bad. I contacted our tech support department, and they were able to replace the motherboard for my laptop. Given, it took a drive downtown, and a few hours of my time, but as a side benefit, I did get to go shopping and have dinner with a friend this evening, so that made the drive out to Toronto worth it. :-)
It's funny- when I spoke to tech support, they told me that it would cost about $800 to fix the computer, and asked if I needed authorization first. I told them that unless they wanted me not to do any more work ever again, I was pretty sure it was ok to proceed. Just bill my cost centre. I mean honestly, what a stupid question. It's not like there is even the possibility that someone in the office would say "no, let's not fix the computer. As punishment, you don't get to do any more work", or better yet "since you're computer doesn't work anymore, we've decided to give you a pink slip". Honestly, sometimes I wonder what people are really thinking when they come up with those screening questions.
So here I am, Monday night. Four more days of vacation left. Back to work next Monday. This went by way too fast. In some ways, I feel like I did nothing at all, in other ways, a lot has happened since I was in the office. Either way, I am partly looking forward to going back, and partly wishing I had more time at home.
If I look at the key accomplishments (so far) for the time off, it would be:
1) Signing the divorce papers
2) Getting the gym routine re-started
3) Getting a good start at re-decorating my bedroom
4) Actually taking time off without making a to-do list. There are days where I read magazines and days where I stared at the ceiling. And, there have been times where I met with friends etc. I can honestly say that I did my very best not to be stressed.
If all goes according to plan, I'll file my taxes tomorrow. Ok - that is a "to do" item, but you can't blame me for having one :-)
It's funny- when I spoke to tech support, they told me that it would cost about $800 to fix the computer, and asked if I needed authorization first. I told them that unless they wanted me not to do any more work ever again, I was pretty sure it was ok to proceed. Just bill my cost centre. I mean honestly, what a stupid question. It's not like there is even the possibility that someone in the office would say "no, let's not fix the computer. As punishment, you don't get to do any more work", or better yet "since you're computer doesn't work anymore, we've decided to give you a pink slip". Honestly, sometimes I wonder what people are really thinking when they come up with those screening questions.
So here I am, Monday night. Four more days of vacation left. Back to work next Monday. This went by way too fast. In some ways, I feel like I did nothing at all, in other ways, a lot has happened since I was in the office. Either way, I am partly looking forward to going back, and partly wishing I had more time at home.
If I look at the key accomplishments (so far) for the time off, it would be:
1) Signing the divorce papers
2) Getting the gym routine re-started
3) Getting a good start at re-decorating my bedroom
4) Actually taking time off without making a to-do list. There are days where I read magazines and days where I stared at the ceiling. And, there have been times where I met with friends etc. I can honestly say that I did my very best not to be stressed.
If all goes according to plan, I'll file my taxes tomorrow. Ok - that is a "to do" item, but you can't blame me for having one :-)
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Never Cry Over Spilled Milk
Well, this is fun. I have to keep reminding myself that as wonderful as children can be and as responsible as we think they often are, children are, at the end of the day, still children. I am the mother who tries not to get angry over mistakes. My girlfriend from the office stayed at my place one night and seemed a bit surprised to see my reaction when my daughter toppled over her glass of milk and smiled. My daughter confidently informed her, "It's ok. Accidents happen. Mommy won't get mad. We just have to clean it up". I've tried to live my life avoiding an incident over the small things. After all, children will be children, and they model after our behaviour and responses to situations.
Yesterday afternoon, my children were having a snack and I was sitting at the table with them, typing away on my laptop. My company laptop. My son was telling a story and in an excited moment, with one hand gesture, he knocked over the glass of milk. Milk spilled under the laptop, and the part that went flying, spilled into the keyboard. I lifted up my laptop only to find it dripping milk. The laptop turned off (naturally), and will not turn on again. Great, I think it's toast.
My son froze and then spoke up "Mommy- are you going to get fired for this?" Honestly, sometimes the things children think about are just amazing. Why a little child should fear losing his home is beyond me.
"No baby, I won't get fired, but I may get into a bit of trouble for this, because the office will have to get this fixed. Please be more careful next time, OK honey?". "Mommy, it was an accident", "I know baby, but sometimes accidents cause big problems, so we need to always be careful".
Perhaps I shouldn't have told him this, but he's 6 years old, and yes, although it is an accident, it will have consequences. I think consequences are important for children to understand. We can have a long debate on this one, but that's where I stand. He apologized, and I told him not to worry, and that we will try to see if I can get this fixed.
This takes me back to my last laptop mishap, when my son was about 3. I went to answer the telephone and he gleefully plucked all the keys and pegs out of my laptop. When I got off the phone, I was mortified to see what he had done. I had to put all the keys in a ziploc and take them into the office. When the tech guy asked me what happened I asked him if he wanted the truth or the lie. When he asked for truth, I told him what had happened. He chuckled and said, "I can't put that on the report to replace a $500 keyboard. Give me the lie". "Um, I dropped it?", "Good enough".
I'm not sure what I'm going to say to them this time. I mean, what will my colleagues say if they find out what happened? It's honestly a bit embarrassing, not to mention that my laptop hasn't been backed up on the server for over 2 weeks, so I will end up losing a lot of data. Either way, I'll have to find a way to get it into the office this week so I can have it up and running by the time I get back in. It's a major inconvenience to be without a computer, I mean, I'll feel like I'm in the dark ages again. Then again, perhaps it will be a nice way to end my last week away from the office. Maybe I'll just consider it silver lining. :-)
Yesterday afternoon, my children were having a snack and I was sitting at the table with them, typing away on my laptop. My company laptop. My son was telling a story and in an excited moment, with one hand gesture, he knocked over the glass of milk. Milk spilled under the laptop, and the part that went flying, spilled into the keyboard. I lifted up my laptop only to find it dripping milk. The laptop turned off (naturally), and will not turn on again. Great, I think it's toast.
My son froze and then spoke up "Mommy- are you going to get fired for this?" Honestly, sometimes the things children think about are just amazing. Why a little child should fear losing his home is beyond me.
"No baby, I won't get fired, but I may get into a bit of trouble for this, because the office will have to get this fixed. Please be more careful next time, OK honey?". "Mommy, it was an accident", "I know baby, but sometimes accidents cause big problems, so we need to always be careful".
Perhaps I shouldn't have told him this, but he's 6 years old, and yes, although it is an accident, it will have consequences. I think consequences are important for children to understand. We can have a long debate on this one, but that's where I stand. He apologized, and I told him not to worry, and that we will try to see if I can get this fixed.
This takes me back to my last laptop mishap, when my son was about 3. I went to answer the telephone and he gleefully plucked all the keys and pegs out of my laptop. When I got off the phone, I was mortified to see what he had done. I had to put all the keys in a ziploc and take them into the office. When the tech guy asked me what happened I asked him if he wanted the truth or the lie. When he asked for truth, I told him what had happened. He chuckled and said, "I can't put that on the report to replace a $500 keyboard. Give me the lie". "Um, I dropped it?", "Good enough".
I'm not sure what I'm going to say to them this time. I mean, what will my colleagues say if they find out what happened? It's honestly a bit embarrassing, not to mention that my laptop hasn't been backed up on the server for over 2 weeks, so I will end up losing a lot of data. Either way, I'll have to find a way to get it into the office this week so I can have it up and running by the time I get back in. It's a major inconvenience to be without a computer, I mean, I'll feel like I'm in the dark ages again. Then again, perhaps it will be a nice way to end my last week away from the office. Maybe I'll just consider it silver lining. :-)
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