I had a bit of time to think. I went to Cuba for a week. There was nothing more serene than being able to spend mornings just thinking about life while you sit at the beach alone, watching the water before anyone else has a chance to join you. I thoroghly enjoyed it. It gave me time to think about the things that matter to me most, and how I need to get that work life balance that I've been looking for. I was also, for the first time in my life, able to give myself credit for my accomplishments, and to allow myself to make a few mistakes. It was a great feeling.
Unfortunately, coming back home, I found that left side eye twitch returned within a few days (it was gone in Cuba). So clearly, something is just too stressful and my body is giving me a sign. Now I have to figure out how to peel back the layers and determine which element of my life to change- is it the housework (do I need a nanny?) Is it the commute to Toronto daily which takes about 3 hrs a day that's killing me? Is it having a corporate career that perhaps is just too much for me? I need to do a bit more soul searching, but I think I'm on my way.
I also realized just how much I miss my girlfriends. I've removed myself from everyone, and I'm not sure why I did it, but I REALLY miss them. I miss the female bonding, I miss the reassurance, and I miss their encouragement. Most of these girlfriends live so far away (Ajax/Markham/Pickering/Whitby/Barrie)- I just want to have them all here.
And Ramadan is around the corner. I want this home to be full of love, full of guests this year. I want this to be the year I bring out the girl who would have dinner parties, without stress, because she would cook a basic meal, and enjoy the time with her friends.
One more thing I decided- in Feb, when I turn 40 this upcoming year, I am going to have a diva dinner with all my close friends. It's long overdue.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Friday, July 01, 2011
My Ex's Wife
I met my ex and his wife the other day to discuss matters. I have to say, I think his wife is a Godsend. She seems really genuine (yes I could be naive, it won't be the first time), but I think I can trust her. She seems to be pretty up front about what she is trying to do- she wants the fighting to end so she doesn't have to hear about it all the time, she finds the animosity too toxic and she cannot stand that her new husband is spending all his time, energy, and money fighting an ex-wife in court. Sounds pretty honest to me.
She said she wants a peaceful life, one where she can have a life with her husband, be civil with his ex wife, and have a happy time free of courts and conflict. I can't say that I blame her.
I noticed in our discussion a couple of days back that she is very able to influence my ex. He is calmer and less confrontational when she is around. When he starts to get angry and raise his voice, she gently puts her hand on his arm, smiles at him, and his tone changes. Perhaps this is short lived, but for now, I have to wonder if maybe their personalities just match really well. Or maybe she is just good at calming conflict.
Either way, I don't want to get my hopes up too soon, but perhaps this could be the beginning of the end of some of our court conflict? We still have our court date in Oct so we have a few months to see how far things go. Let's see.
In the meantime, all of this court conflict, these court documents that have sucked all the time and life out of me, and a really insanely busy schedule at work have me totally tired out. The left side of my face has started to twitch, and this is especially scary, because it's the same symptom I had at the start of my physical breakdown, just before my left side was partly paralyzed back in 2004. I ignored the initial symptoms for weeks in 2004, and as a result I had a whole physical breakdown, resulting in a 2 week hospitalization. I simply cannot let that happen again.
And so, I've decided to take a break. The kids are with their dad for the first week of summer vacation, and I am taking this opportunity to go out of town for a week and just chill. I'm hoping to come back re-charged and ready to face the world.
Be back in a week...
She said she wants a peaceful life, one where she can have a life with her husband, be civil with his ex wife, and have a happy time free of courts and conflict. I can't say that I blame her.
I noticed in our discussion a couple of days back that she is very able to influence my ex. He is calmer and less confrontational when she is around. When he starts to get angry and raise his voice, she gently puts her hand on his arm, smiles at him, and his tone changes. Perhaps this is short lived, but for now, I have to wonder if maybe their personalities just match really well. Or maybe she is just good at calming conflict.
Either way, I don't want to get my hopes up too soon, but perhaps this could be the beginning of the end of some of our court conflict? We still have our court date in Oct so we have a few months to see how far things go. Let's see.
In the meantime, all of this court conflict, these court documents that have sucked all the time and life out of me, and a really insanely busy schedule at work have me totally tired out. The left side of my face has started to twitch, and this is especially scary, because it's the same symptom I had at the start of my physical breakdown, just before my left side was partly paralyzed back in 2004. I ignored the initial symptoms for weeks in 2004, and as a result I had a whole physical breakdown, resulting in a 2 week hospitalization. I simply cannot let that happen again.
And so, I've decided to take a break. The kids are with their dad for the first week of summer vacation, and I am taking this opportunity to go out of town for a week and just chill. I'm hoping to come back re-charged and ready to face the world.
Be back in a week...
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