And again, I haven't blogged in awhile. What I know for sure is that whatever doesn't kill you, will make you stronger.
And I am still alive.
So- I've been focused on this court fiasco. I cannot believe that he has the audacity to ask for joint custody after this long drawn out battle that just ended two years ago.
And then again....why should I be surprised?
So far, I have drafted my own court documents. The way I see it, I'm smart enough, and I've spent enough money. And mostly, I believe there is a God. No matter what faults I have, no matter what mistakes I've made in life, he has been here, supporting me, and almost cheering me on. Or at least that's how it feels.
That God cannot let a good mother lose. I just feel like there is something bigger, something more important that is meant to come from all this, and so I will go through the motions and see where the road takes me.
At the end of the day, I seriously doubt that any court will give 50/50 access and joint custody to a man who has abused the children many times.
The only drawback- he has requested for a children's lawyer. While this can only work in my favour, I still feel that it is an unnecessary thing to subject the children to. But I don't think I will have a choice in the matter.
And he has been coaching the children. He told my daughter to ask for one week on, one week off - basically one week with me, one week with him. When she told him no, he told her that she will either do it, or he can make a new child with his new wife and replace her. Yes, you read correctly. My daughter came home crying and had nightmares for two weeks. What a total complete jerk.
I told my daughter that she cannot let him bully her. At the end of the day, once the children's lawyer finds out this happened (and I fully intend to tell them), this will only work against him.
I wonder what the purpose is of this round of court. Surely there is a purpose. I just don't know what it is. Time will tell.
I ran into a girlfriend the other day- she was shocked at my inability to focus, and the fact that I couldn't relax. Can you blame me?
But pre-occupied or not, I am doing my best to stay positive. And I just know that despite how stressful this is, and the fact that I feel so incredibly alone right now...I just know in my heart that in time, everything will be ok.
This too will pass.
