Alot has happened since my last post. My children very reluctantly agreed to see their father in a supervised setting. Knowing the history with my ex, I was nervous about the visit, but wanted to allow the children to make their own choices. I think that was a mistake. My issue was that I don't want to be that mother- the one who over protects her children, makes all the decisions for them, and then one day they grow up and hold you accountable for it. So I want the children to feel empowered and safe. I want them to know that no matter what life gives them, they will always have a safe and happy home. Always. And that will be the baseline of what to expect.
So - My ex was not prepared to meet at the CAS centre but was prepared to meet in a restaurant. I did not feel comfortable with this, but since the children and the CAS were both agreeable to this, I reluctantly agreed.
I warned the CAS that they would need to keep their guard up. I explained that while I understand that my ex has agreed to "terms" including not raising past issues with the children, that I didn't trust him. I told them where I would be (in a restaurant one block away, waiting), and that I would pick the children up right afterwards. I knew it wouldn't go well. I should have trusted my gut. The visit was supposed to last an hour and a half. I was to get a call when the visit was over so that I could go and pick up the children.
Thirty minutes later, as I sipped tea in the window seat at the nearby restaurant, I looked up and saw my two babies standing there, sobbing. It was only thirty minutes into the visit and I knew that it hadn't gone well.
So I went out, grabbed them both and gave them big hugs. "Don't worry. I'm here. It will all be OK". I asked the CAS worker what happened, and it pretty much went as expected. The first few minutes went fine. They looked through photo albums and caught up. And then my ex started pulling out court orders and telling them that their next visits would not be supervised. That they would have to come to his house, or that he will never see them again.
All this in front of the CAS! And they did nothing. I am in shock. They are the CAS. And they did nothing. And they continue to do nothing. It's truly a pathetic joke.
As for the children, they have come home regretting the visit. They are angry and say that they hate their father. My daughter and son have both had trouble sleeping for the past two weeks after the visit.
I spoke to my girlfriend who also happens to be a therapist. She says it's for the best. I let the children make their own choices, and they learned from it. They learned that even after a year, their father is incapable of compassion and love. And they learned not to trust him again.
I just hope it's a lesson they do not have to learn again. I am a mother who loves her children, but even a tough cookie like me can get tired as the years go on.
I think this is what got me to where I am today- exhausted, ragged, and home ill on the verge of bronchitis.
There has to be a better way.
