Divorced

Well, I'm here. I did it....And you know what? I'm feeling pretty OK. I only cried once, for less than a minute. That was when I went to see Dr. Clive and heard his words of wisdom around how proud he is of me for making it through. But those were tears of...Gratitude, emotional-ness, thankfulness, but not exactly sadness. I'm feeling really....Reflective, but not all that sad. I've surprised myself. I was expecting to be a mess. And I'm not. I'm just.....Tired. It's been a really, really, long road, and it's been emotionally and physically draining.

I am so grateful for the 6 people (including my father) who offered to spend the day with me today. I am so grateful to have friends like that, who are looking out for me emotionally. I'm grateful for the friend who called to check up on me during the day, for my sister who did the same (several times), and for the friend who text messaged me to make sure I was ok. I am so glad to have people like that around me. They make a big difference in my life.

For some reason, I just wanted to do this on my own today, so I decided not to take anyone with me. I wanted to have one day where I could stand on my own emotionally....And I'm so glad I did it this way. It was a perfect ending to a horrible 2 year separation and divorce. Perfect closure I would say. So here is how the day went:

• 8:30 am - Arrived at Courthouse
• 9:30am - Divorce Certificate in hand
• 10am -Had passport photos taken at mall
  
• 10:15am - Went to Driver's license office to change name on Driver's license
• 11:10am - Went to Doctor to have passport photos guarantor signatures done, and to have a little chit chat. Doctor Clive told me he was proud of me, and that no matter how difficult, this was the best move. He's dealt with bipolar patients many times, and he swears it would only have gotten harder living with my ex. His advice from the beginning was to leave, and he gave me his kind words of wisdom, and a big hug. Made me feel a lot better. See? Angels all around me...
• noon- passport office to apply for new passport
• 1pm- Insurance Office to change name on auto, home, life insurance
• 1:45pm- back to Driver's Licence office to change name on Car Ownership since I forgot to do that earlier (moron)
• 2:30pm- Health Card office- changed name on health cards
• 3:30pm- went to Bank #1 to change name on all banking accounts etc
• 4:30pm- went to Bank #2 to change name on all banking docs (be quiet, yes I bank at 2 banks, so kill me)...
• 5:oopm picked up kids from sitter
• 5:30pm- went to visit mom and dad

Is that an insane day or what? All that's left is changing my name on my household bills, and my name at the office, and I'll take care of those tomorrow. I am on FIRE.

When I went to the Driver's License Office this morning, the lady asked me for my signature. It threw me off. I haven't signed my maiden name in 13 years. I actually didn't put any thought around how to sign it. Sounds weird doesn't it? But after 13 years of signing my sloppy signature, it felt a bit odd to find a new signature. The little things we don't think of I suppose.

I felt a lot better after seeing Dr. Clive this morning. He has always been a consistent source of strength for me. He knew my marriage was bad for me. In fact, he knew for years, long before I left. His reassurance was very important to me....I think it was fitting that I went to see him today, and that he was a part of this closure process.

It's funny...At the Insurance office, I thanked the lady for helping me switch back to my maiden name, and she corrected me. "Your marriage is dissolved honey, so if you're not married, it's not your maiden name anymore....Its YOUR name". Wow....How weird. I never really thought of it that way. But she was right. How fitting that I changed it.

So, how do I feel? VERY tired, and not just from today's running around, but fatigue from the past two years of emotional garbage. I'm not sure if that makes sense to anyone else, but it does to me. I am so glad I took the day off work today to do all the name changing. It really gives more closure than doing it a little at a time. And, because I took the day off, I allowed myself the opportunity to feel whatever I needed to feel, without worrying about meetings or appearances. Given, it wasn't as emotional as I expected, but I suspect the calmness about me came from the fact that this was my day to myself, and I wasn't rushed at all. Anything was game.

Surprisingly, for whatever reason, today doesn't feel like an end at all. It feels like a new beginning, like a fresh start. I feel like it's the start of my second chance at life, and that is amazing, because it is not often we get blessed with one of those. I have so much to be thankful for: Friends, family, a home, beautiful children, and my health. It doesn't get better than that.

So- Here's to starting over....And to the ones who support us through our endeavors.