Numb

Ever have a REALLY crappy day, where you feel like you can't even think straight? I'm having a day where I wish it would just go away. I'm hoping I'll wake up and it will be gone, but I know that won't happen. I feel like someone died today.

Some stuff happened at the office. To sum it up, I was advised that my boss will no longer be with the company. That was a really hard hit for me. For those of you who know me well, you know that I've only had a few strong pillars around me in the past few years. I could count them on one hand. He was definitely one of them. I've worked with him for 8 years, and I can definitely say that I owe him a great deal, professionally and personally. This is a HUGE loss for me, and I feel a bit out of balance without him there. It would have been different if he had just moved groups within the company, but this just all feels like a bad dream.

I need a few days to get myself balanced again. I'm really worried about him. I mean, I know he will be fine. People like him always are...but still...it's all really hard to explain. He was my friend and my mentor, and that is rare to find in the corporate world.

On that note, the corporate world is a sick, sick, place. I cannot believe how people expect things to be "business as usual" after something like this. Guess what people? It ISN'T business as usual. And it won't be. Not for awhile. The amount of shallow, fickle, phone calls I got today made me want to throw up. Take a hike people. Find someone else to gossip about. And by the way, I don't like any of you anymore.

And then there is the good news. A loss and a gift all in one day (isn't my life always so...drama)? My brother and his wife had their baby boy. 9lbs 2 ounces. That is just HUGE. I'm an aunt for the first time. I went to the hospital to see them. The baby is beautiful. They are happy, he is cute, and it felt good to hold him in my arms. It's just too bad this happened on a day when I wasn't so with it. I wish I were more focused to enjoy the moment.

Oh yeah, and mid day today, I had to leave the office early. I got a phone call from my son's school. Apparently, he scrunched up a piece of tinfoil and shoved it into his ear. What the heck is that all about? We had to take him to the doctors, and lo and behold, the doctor pulled out the tinfoil. FROM HIS EAR! It was like watching a bunny-rabbit-in-a-hat trick or something. What possesses a child to shove something in his ear? It's just insane.

Needless to say, today was just crazy. I'm numb, sad, happy, and just tired all at once. I just want life to be normal again. I want to go back to my life the way it was. The office was my only sense of security and stability for the past 2.5 years. Now I feel like I've lost that too. I'm not worried about myself or my job or anything like that. It's just that, I think it felt a bit like home in an odd way. Like the key people around me were my family. Now it just feels.....broken.

Wow- a broken home- I can't believe I said that. It's kind of creepy...and appropriate.