Sometimes you Just Want to Give Up

I went to the children's school for an open house yesterday. My ex was there also. We tried to be cordial with each other, at least for the sake of the kids. I didn't even get a chance to talk to my son's teacher. I was so drawn into what my daughter's teacher was saying.

She said that in all her years of teaching, she has never seen a child with such advanced verbal skills. She went on to say that usually the kids with the strong verbal communication skills are the brightest kids in the class. In my daughter's case, her verbal skills are years ahead of everyone else, but her academics are very poor. She said that my daughter is having trouble focusing. She knew on day one that she came from a "broken home". She said that my daughter talks about it every day. It's all she talks about. I couldn't bear to hear it. Then she, the teacher started crying. She said she has never seen a child so sad. She says it consumes her. Then I started crying. Imagine a parent teacher interview where both the parent and the teacher are in tears. That was us yesterday. I told her I couldn't do more than what I was doing. She told me to make sure I give her all the attention in the world. My daughter needs it. She said that she would hate to be in my daughter's shoes, with all this sadness built up to the point of paralyzing her from being able to function in school. She said that if we don't help her soon, she will fall really behind in school.

I left in tears yesterday. Honestly, sometimes I wonder what is worse...staying with an abusive man, or letting your children pick up the pieces and feel the brunt of the divorce. I hate doing this to them, yet I'm not the one doing it. I'm doing the best I can with the limited resources I have. And that includes the resources I've had to borrow as well.

With God as my witness, my intentions are to help my children live mentally and physically safe lives. But in the process, their emotional well being is hurt.

I have no ill intentions towards my ex. I actually wish he would move on and find happiness. I was so happy when he got married. I thought it was good for me and the children, and for him. I didn't want him to abuse his second wife, and I didn't want his marriage to end.

I have NO IDEA what I can do to help my little girl. But today, I feel so lost, hurt and confused that it is unbearable.