Unbelievable

I am in shock. I mean, maybe I shouldn't be. I feel like a total idiot. I'm enraged. I cannot stand him, his family, his friends. Just when I think I've done enough, I realize I cannot imagine what to expect from people in this world.

My children went to the henna party. I sent them with a friend who was kind enough to take care of them. They were really happy to be going, and I dressed them up in their indian garb, all fancy shmancy and nice. They came back happy, and seemed to have had a good time. I had called my girlfriend twice to check on the children, and she said they were doing fine, that my ex wasn't getting much of a chance to interact with them, that they were more playing with their cousins than anything else.

Before I sent my children, I sat them down and had a chit chat. I told them that my friend would be taking them so that if they need anyone to talk to, they would have it. My son said that it's been awhile since he's seen his dad, and that he missed him, but that when he sees him, he's also bad, and that makes him sad. I told him that my girlfriend was there to take care of him. He asked what will happen if his dad gets mad if he told the truth (but then qualified his question with the fact that he still wanted to attend the wedding festivities). My reply was that he should say that he has always been taught that one must never lie to their mother, or keep things from their mother, because a mother's job in this world is to protect her children. He seemed ok with that. He asked if his dad would ever get another chance to be good. I told him that yes, he would, but that people who cannot control their temper have a serious problem and that they need help with this problem, and that we need to work together to take the time so that he can get help, and that his job in this was to tell me whenever his dad gets angry so we can help him not be an angry person anymore. He asked how angry people can get help. I told him there are doctors that can help them, but that it takes time. This seemed to make him comfortable.

So, and here is the kicker.....when they came back from the party, I asked them how it went. They said that they had a fun time playing with their cousins, that they got to see their dad, and that he "wasn't mean or angry tonight". I said I was glad. Then I asked my son if anything scary happened, and if everything else went well. He said that for the most part it did, but that at one point, he was sitting with his grandmother (my ex's mother), and she told him that in the future, he shouldn't tell people bad things about his dad because if he does, then he will never be allowed to see his father again. I was shocked. I had sent my friend to watch the children when they were near their father. I don't think either of us had prepared for this. Now what? I am infuriated. I should have thought about this, that the MOTHER would create this kind of a problem. I didn't prepare for this.

So I asked my son how he felt. He matter of factly told me that "I just told her that I couldn't keep things from my mom, because if I don't tell my mom when people do bad things to me, she won't be able to protect me". I asked what she said in response, and he said "Nothing. She didn't say anything to me about it again after that".

I didn't want to push the issue with him any further, as I know he's under enough pressure to manage both sides of the family and their expectations. But still, I was totally seething. My friend who witnessed the conversation was in shock.

So now my issue is what to do for the wedding for tonight. If I don't send them, they will be enraged and paint me as the jealous ex wife who was looking for a reason to ruin the wedding. If I send them, I'm potentially subjecting them to more emotional baggage to deal with.

My ex's family is so messed up. There is a reason why he turned out the way he did. His family is a bunch of crazies. Thank God my son was prepared with a defense.