New Year's Eve

I'm having a happy moment. The children are visiting their dad, and I'm here at home on my own. The thing that's making me happy is the incredible friends who care about me. I've received many calls this evening asking if I have plans, and what I'm up to. Last year, my ex was out of town in Dubai for several months, so I was with the children pretty much full time, and it was a lot of work, with little or no time to breathe.

This year, the children are with their dad, so I get some space to myself, which can also be nice. Tonight, I got a few calls asking why I was alone on New Year's Eve. Many people asked me to join them. I'm touched. Honestly. But here's the deal- I'm not really much of a party animal. Being a Muslim, I've never had alcohol, never tasted it, so spending the evening at a drink fest is not exactly my cup of tea. Anybody on the planet would be a better dancer than I am, so I'm not much of a dancer either. My idea of a good time is hanging out with some friends...Dinners, movies, etc.

So, to all of you who are incredibly freaked out that the super crazy extrovert is home alone on New Year's Eve, please don't worry about me. I'm not depressed, I don't need an intervention- but I do thank you all for caring.

This evening, I'm on my own by choice. I'm enjoying my solitude. And I'm not sitting in some dark dingy hole in the wall. My place is spotless, I've got the candles lit, a spinach and cheese pasta dinner on the stove, and the music going. I've got my laptop, my Oprah magazines, and I'm ready for a nice evening on my own. For me, this evening is more about reflection than anything else. Let me give you a high level recap.

2004 was a horrible year for me. It was the year my life as I knew it fell apart. My marriage, my home, my faith, my financial stability, my self confidence; everything.

2005 on the other hand was a difficult year, but a wonderful year for me. It was my year of rebuilding, of starting over. I stabilized financially, bought a new home, just bought a new car, spent a great deal of time on helping my children through this, and I spent a fair amount of time on myself. Hey, I even started this blog. That in itself is a huge leap for someone like me. I spent 11 years hiding my life. For me to open up and write about it is a very big deal.

So, this evening, I'm just soaking it in. I'm thanking God for everything, but most of all EVERYONE that I have in my life. I'm amazed at the home that I have, the beautiful children, and the new friends that popped out of the most incredible places. I'm amazed that despite the massive hit my faith has taken, that I was still somehow worthy of so much. I'm incredibly grateful for all of it.

So this is my time to thank everyone. My friends at the office who deal with me with such patience and kindness on a daily basis, my girlfriends who are always checking on me to make sure that I'm ok, my family who's undying and unconditional love for me amazes me now more than ever. And of course my children, who have taught me more about myself than I ever expected, and who have been the guiding light, and ultimately, the real thing that saved me from staying in a very bad marriage. Many people have described children as a noose around a woman's neck in a bad marriage, because even when they want to leave, they can't, because of the children. For me, it was ultimately my children and my love for them that saved me. They weren't a noose at all. In fact, ultimately, they were the beacon of light that showed me the way. I could never stay after they were at risk. And for that, I will be eternally grateful to them.

I don't believe in resolutions like losing 10 lbs, making a new exercise routine, but I am going to make one for myself. My resolution for next year is to continue without wavering on this path. To take myself to where I need to be, and to ensure that 2006 continues to rebuild on the work that I started in 2005. And I know that I will get there, especially with all the wonderful people who are here to support me.