I find it interesting that children can be so very smart. Sometimes, no matter how much you think they cannot see through things, you learn that they are a better judge of character than adults can ever be.
I was afraid that the children would now be fooled by their dad. I mean, it's been months since they have been alone with him. They only see him if they are supervised, and although I don't know what really goes on, I'm pretty confident that he is on his best behavior when he is forced to be a lab rat watched and scrutinized by the CAS.
My fear was that since he is supervised, he is on his best behavior, so the children may let down their guard and act differently around him. Now of course, it is a GOOD thing if they can have a new relationship with their dad. That is what I would love to see. I would only ever want a healthy bond between the children and their dad. But right now, when I want the courts to know how he is, and that he needs help, I don't want him "fooling" anyone while being observed. My bigger concern was not so much the CAS visits, but the assessment sessions, when the assessor is watching him with the children. I expressed my concern to the assessor, that while he observes the children, they will be all happy and lighthearted around him, only because he hasn't been able to hurt them in the past few months. I mean, what if the children just think he is " better" now, and so nothing comes out in the sessions? The assessor assured me that he is a professional, and that if nothing else, the behavior of the children around their dad will be very different than it is with me. I think he's right about that, and so I felt better.
Then yesterday, I took the kids for their visit with their dad. We got to the centre, went inside, and my son said "I don't want to go". Right in front of the supervisor. I was shocked. We asked him why. He said he just didn't feel like seeing his dad. I was shocked. I ended up having to leave, but when I did pick up the children I asked what happened. My son's answer "He may not hit us anymore, but he still gets angry easily and yells and gets mad alot". Wow. I'm wondering if the CAS is making note of all this? I mean, how sad it would be if the children are picking up on his temperament but the CAS isn't? I can only do one thing at this point- trust the system. Hopefully everything is getting noticed.
Then today, I took the children to see their dad. I explained to them that today they would have to do homework with their dad. My son had a full on temper tantrum. He told me that he doesn't want to do homework with his dad, that his dad is mean, that he doesn't know how to teach children, that he has no patience. I explained that this is why he has to do homework with the children, so that he can learn how to do this task without losing it. My son refused.
As it turns out, they never got the chance to do homework together. My ex refused to do it. I will be calling the case worker tomorrow to report this. In the meantime, I can only hope it got noted by the person who was supervising. I asked the children what he said, and they told me he said "Your mom never asked me to do homework, and I am not your mother. That is her job". Actually, the case worker should have told him to do homework, so I don't know what he is talking about. I will clear all this up tomorrow.
I am surprised. Children really are smarter than adults. I find that they "feel" their way around. They don't do things based on what they are told. They have a really awesome sixth sense about them, and it is usually very accurate.
Like I said, I sit, I wait, and I trust in the system. I will have an answer to all this in June. Two months to go.
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