The Cycle Continues...

Ironic that just yesterday I was writing about abusive men, and now this...

Today I went to pick up my kids from the daycare and I noticed a bruise on my son's cheek. I froze. This totally felt like deja vu. I asked him what happened to his face. He said that he fell off his bike and banged into a pole. I said that it was an interesting story but that a pole doesn't leave a mark like that. The mark after all, looks like finger marks.

I'm sorry guys. You know my history. I was an abused wife. You can't pull that "I banged into something" crap with me. I used those lines for 11 years. I know them inside out and I can smell a rat a mile away.

So I ask my son if he would like to tell me the truth. No comment. So I ask if anyone hurt him. He whispers "My dad. But he told me not to tell you. He said you would call the police and I would never see him again. He said you would make us go back to the Children's Aid Centres and we hate that place. We want to give him one more chance. He said he was really sorry".

So this is a lovely predicament.

Do I:

• Bust the man's sorry ass by calling the CAS and having yet another social worker and yet another policeman come to see my children? Doing so will mean that the children won't get to see their dad for some time, will blame me for it, and will likely not trust me with information the next time they need to turn to someone. I know I am the parent and I have to look out for them, but I also need to build their trust. I don't want him to get away with this, and at the same time I know this is his pattern. He needs to be stopped or he will keep doing this.
• Document the issue via email to my ex, email to my lawyer, but not call the police? If I do this, he gets away with it, which is totally unacceptable, but the children trust me the next time they have to confide in someone. And what if (God forbid) the next time it is something bigger/worse?
  
• Call a doctor (I tried, but they are closed for the long weekend). Note that a doctor/walk in would call the CAS, so if I go this route I might as well just call the CAS myself. Mind you, if I wait until Monday, the bruise will be gone, so whatever I do will have to be done tomorrow.
  

My head is spinning right now. I am totally enraged at what has happened. I'm leaning towards calling the Children's Aid Society in the morning, and dealing with the children's backlash (anger towards me) afterwards. In the meantime, my ex called me. I took the call and told him off. I basically told him that:

• He will not be seeing the children this weekend
• His conduct is unacceptable. I left our marriage to protect the children and I fully intend to continue doing so.
• I told him that I have no choice left but to call the authorities in the morning.

He of course said he was sorry, don't call the police, we can work this out, blah blah blah.

I told him I need to think. But in the meantime, if he wants me NOT to call the police, he can send me an email documenting what he did to our son and what steps he intends on taking to make sure it doesn't happen again. That way, at least I have it in writing, should I need it in court.

He was quiet. I told him either he sends me the email or I call the police and he has until morning to decide.

Honestly, we go to court again May 16. I really don't need this crap in my life. I thought things were just starting to take a turn for the better. Unfortunately, it looks like this is the reality of my life.

Damn the stupid courts for doing nothing. And the stupid CAS has done nothing in the past (which is why I hesitate to call them and expose my children to their useless bullshit that goes nowhere and does nothing but add grief to their lives). And the police have not helped. After all, they are the ones who did not press charges last time. So he got off the hook, my kids went through hell for nothing, and my ex walked.

If I call them again, will they just do the same? Will it be unnecessary grief for nothing again?

Everyone sucks. The system sucks. I'm so frustrated right now.