I think that the only thing that actually kept me sane was that earlier in the day, I had read my girlfriend's blog, and she had a link/discussion about this TV documentary. I actually commented on her blog about how much of an eye opener it was (it was heart wrenching), and that sometimes, even in the worst of times we need to remember that we have it significantly better than others in the world. We have a lot to be grateful for. So while I was going through this, I kept reminding myself of what I had read earlier yesterday (Thanks Saji!), and I think it kept me in check.
So an overview of yesterday:
- My son had a soccer game at 6:30
- I was rushing home to get him from Tae Kwan Do
- Running late, I asked Rich to pick him up for me
- At 5:30, Rich calls me and tells me that HIS DAD picked him up
- I'm panicking. I call the summer camp and ask how the **@@ this can happen. She is apologizing profusely and calls my ex demanding that he return the kids. Naturally, being the gentleman that he is (NOT!) he tells her where to go
- I text message my ex, (no reply), I try calling his cell (no answer). I'm not surprised, but at least I tried!
- I'm debating what to do, but even as I'm trying to figure it out, I find myself in the parking lot of the Mississauga Police Station (honestly, half the time I have no clue where I'm driving. I think my driving radar has a mind of its own, because I was still trying to figure out what to do when I arrived there. It's like Voodoo sense!)
- I go into the police station, and ask an officer to help me. I explain that it was just earlier that morning that my lawyer sent a letter to his lawyer advising that he is never to go to the children's school without my explicit written permission. He is so bloody defiant!
- I tell the officer that I have a court order. It says that although we have joint custody, the children reside with me, and their father can see them only at times agreed upon by both parties. He asks me if it says "Police enforceable" across the top. I tell him I'm pretty sure it doesn't. He tells me that he cannot help
- Apparently, in custody and access situations, the police cannot get involved unless the order says police enforceable. So my question is- what the heck is the current order good for anyways? I mean really- what's the point? Shouldn't ALL orders be police enforceable? Isn't that why we have court orders?
- So I clarify- OK- So a bipolar man who is not on his meds just picked up the children from school without my knowledge and they can't help? I mean come on! Isn't that like kidnapping? --Not if he has joint custody. I see. This is stupid.
- So I keep pushing (I'm very persuasive), and he agrees to call my ex to see how the kids are doing, and where he is at. It turns out he is at his parent's home (where he now resides), and he has the children with him. He refuses to bring them back, stating that these are his children, and he has a right to be with them. While they are on the phone, my cell rings, and it's my son, asking if it's true that I called the police on his father. He sounds very alarmed and is begging me to stop. I feel like I'm the culprit. I ask if he's OK, he says yes, and I say that I'm worried and he says "please don't do this". I feel like crap. I never wanted my son stuck between both of us. He's worried that his dad will go to jail. I'm worried that I may not see my kids again.
- Apparently, my ex knows what he's doing. It's no surprise to me that he picked this timing either. My lawyer just left for a two week vacation on Wed. He knows I'm SOL right now. This was deliberate.
- I keep pushing the officer to bring my kids home. He agrees to see what he can do. He tells me to go home and find the court order, and he will send an officer to my home. In hindsight, I think he just wanted to get rid of me. I get home by 6:30, pull out the order and wait. All I can say is THANK GOD he doesn't have their passports.
- At 12:30 am (yes you read correctly- 6 hours later, despite my many follow up calls), the police arrive at my home, look at the order and say "you're right, he wasn't supposed to take the kids. We can't get them back, because this order is not police enforceable, but we can go over and check to make sure they are OK. That's all that we can do". Um, dude, it's 12:30 in the morning. IF the kids are there, they're probably sleeping. I'm told that the children will be woken up so that the officers can speak to them. I'm freaking out. I can only imagine how scared they will be if they are woken up in the middle of the night by police officers. But at this point, if I want a record that any of this happened, I have to agree, so I do.
- At 2 am, the police call me and tell me that the children are perfectly fine, and that he intends to have them back at summer camp in the morning. I breathe a sigh of relief. Then they tell me that he has documentation that says he can have the kids on Thursdays. I suspect he is referring to my email to him a few months back when he was still with his wife. At that time, I agreed to let him have access on Thursdays. When I heard of their separation, and the second CAS case opened (which just closed on Wed), I outlined through my lawyers many times that this was not going to continue. Clearly, he "forgot" to show the officers those papers. Gotta love his "selective" memory...
Wow...the system sucks. We need to tell all women...if you get a court order, make sure it is police enforceable!
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