Expect the Worst

A friend of mine had a really brutal conversation with me today. It actually really got under my skin in a big way. After he left, and after I got time to think about it, I realized that he was right. Blunt, yes. Brutal, hell ya. But he was right.

He said that more than half of my unhappiness today is coming from the fact that I have allowed it. Yes, I have crappy circumstances. Yes, my ex is an asshole. But he always will be. And because we have two children together, he will always be in my life, and because he is an asshole, he will always be treating me like crap and deliberately making things difficult for me.

The only consistent thing where he is concerned is that whenever he has a chance, he will do something to de-rail my life. So his solution- why not just expect the worst? Expect that things will always be this way. That way, you won't be disappointed. Expect that he will do this because he is mentally ill and always will be. Expect that he will keep obsessing over me because that is all he has done for 4 years now. Expect the worst, and then take in a deep breath when it happens and let it roll off your back.

I said that's not so easy to do. He says it's because I'm not used to doing it. He says that at the end of the day, I've allowed myself to get de-railed like this. And that I should not be allowing it. I need to accept this as part of my life because it won't change. It hasn't changed and I've been fighting it for 4 years. He says I need to find happiness within the life I have been given, even if that life has its moments of instability.

I was so mad at him. I said he didn't understand me, that he was oversimplifying things.

But I think he may be right.

Sigh.