"A father's worst nightmare is having his daughter show up at his doorstep, luggage and children in hand, proclaiming that her marriage is over. A daughter's worst nightmare is a father who won't let her in. Thank you dad, for NOT being that father..."
Yesterday was my father's 65th Birthday. We had a little family dinner, cut some cake and spent the evening together. I had spent a few days mentally spinning, wondering what the heck do you give as a present to a man who is financially secure and has almost everything he needs? And then I realized it....you tell him the truth, the things that sometimes you're too shy or proud or awkward to say in person, but the things that you really do want him to know. I bought a card, and in it, I wrote a nice letter, every word of which came straight from the heart. A small excerpt is above.
As I was writing the card, I realized just how much it is that I owe my father. Its funny- we have a very unusual relationship. Part of it stems from the fact that we are similar in many ways- we're both stubborn, we can both be proud at times, we both always think we're right, and we're both relatively smart (at least, I'd like to hope so). Anyhow, put the two together in a room and you get the equivalent of two bulls wearing red shirts in an arena in Spain. Really- No kidding. We clash quite a bit, but the funny thing is at the end of the day, we care a great deal for eachother, and we both know it.
Case and point- when I left my marriage, I knew, with certainty that I could go home to mom and dad. I knew, that no matter what, they would support my decision and that my father would face the world for me without even thinking twice. I also knew that my dad would find a game plan to help me get back on my feet financially. And all of this turned out to be true. At the end of the day, my dad would give his right and left arm for me, and I know it to be true, without a doubt. Sitting here today, in my new home, my new beginning, I know I owe a lot to my dad. He really is a remarkable man. Facing up to a difficult community is not something every parent would do, but my dad would do it without even thinking twice.
A few months back I was having lunch with a colleague from the office. We were talking about life in general and I gave him some of the background of the hell that has been my life over the past year. At that time, I told him about how lucky I was to have Indo/Pak parents that would help me when my marriage fell apart. I explained to him that for most Indo/Pak families, once your daughter is married, that's it- she doesn't usually have the option of coming back. I explained the background, because I wasn't sure if he knew much about the culture. I'm not sure what cultural background he is (I've never asked), but I'm guessing West Indian or Jamaican maybe. Either way, I know its not East Indian, which is why I felt the need to explain. He kind of stopped eating, paused looked at me for a second, and said "you know what? A daughter should ALWAYS be able to come home, no matter what her age or situation". My friend was right. Words to live by, and thank God I have parents who share those views.
Its funny- I'm sitting here thinking about the life I'm about to rebuild as this strong independent woman, but really, I did not do this alone. I had strong parents who supported me emotionally and financially. I have strong siblings as well as a brother in law and sister in law who have been here for me. I actually wouldn't be here without them. My sister in law who has given me good advice, helped me with my children, and waited patiently for me to make a decision. My sister who called me every week from overseas to check on me...And a brother who was there whenever I needed him.
As much as I want to believe that I have accomplished a lot, really, at the end of the day, I have only been able to do so because of the love and strength of my family. My friend was right. Daughters should always be able to go home, and I am so glad that I was able to, and even more glad that I did.
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