On Saturday night, my son had an emotional breakdown. The next day, when he woke up, my son and my daughter basically started to open up about their father's temperament. They revealed that they have been abused in the past, and that he scares them today and that they are still very much afraid of him. They described specific instances of abuse; the yelling, the threats, the various different forms of punishment, but I could tell that they were still holding back and not fully comfortable talking to me.
I didn't want to push them, and besides all that, I had heard enough to know what I needed to do. I had promised myself that my children would never have to suffer the way I suffered, and at the moment, I feel horrible that I haven't been able to do enough to protect them. But then again, I didn't have much of a choice. My ex did, after all, have joint custody, and I was told time and time again that the authorities couldn't do anything to intervene until he did something out of line.
Well, here you have it. Is this out of line enough for everyone? This was my biggest fear and now I'm having to live it.
This morning, I dropped my children off at school, told my daughter's school about what had transpired over the weekend, and that under NO CIRCUMSTANCES was their father to pick her up from school. As I left, my daughter started crying and clinging to my leg, something that she never does, and I'm told that she later told the teachers that she was afraid her father would come to pick her up before I got there. The teachers reassured her that even if her father did show up, they would not let him take her home.
Isn't that shocking? Months go by without a word about their father, no mention of what he was doing, and now when they start talking, it all comes out at once. When it rains, it pours.
When I got to the parking lot of my daughter's school, I made the call. This was the call that I had nightmares about, the call that I feared that I would one day have to make. But really, what other choice did I have?
I called the Children's Aid Society, and spoke to a case worker, and gave a full report on my weekend, on what the children had told me, about my fears, about the history, basically everything. Their answer- they would most definitely be launching an investigation, and that I should expect to hear from a case worker in about 7 days. Yeah, you got it - 7 DAYS! That is a long time to wait, but she did explain that it was taking that long because there are many cases in the queue, and because the children reside with me, they weren't in any immediate harm. They did advise that they would want to speak to the children's schools and doctor, and I told them that they had my full approval to do so. One good thing- they did say that if any of my story checked out in their investigation, they would be court ordering therapy for the kids. Good. That's just what I wanted. I knew something was wrong before. I just couldn't prove it.
Anyhow, after that, I went to the courthouse to file an ex-party motion for emergency custody and a restraining order, and a new date to re-open the custody and access arrangements. I have to stay in Mississauga tomorrow to find out if it gets granted. If it does, I have to go back, pick up the court orders and hand them out at the schools, and talk to the schools about what has happened. If it gets granted, I will have about a month or two of sole custody and he will not have visitation or access to the children during that time. In addition, the restraining order will protect me, should he start harassing or stalking me again.
On the other hand, if it doesn't get granted, then I would seriously fear for my safety, especially once he finds out that I contacted the CAS. He will be totally enraged, and I know he will come looking for me. Let's hope this doesn't happen, and that the restraining order is granted.
Next, at 6pm today, I took my son to the doctors so that someone could at least check on his emotional well being. The doctor was very concerned about him, and told me he was afraid that this would one day happen. He knew my ex, and he knew how unstable he was. My doctor spoke to my son, asked a few questions, and my son started spilling the whole story, the abuse, the temper etc.
Like I said....when it rains it pours. Everything is coming out at once. I'm going to need serious therapy after this myself!
By 7pm, we were all tired, so I took the kids out for burgers at a local restaurant, brought them home for their bedtime routine, and tucked them in. OK- I tucked them into my bed. Hell if they are sleeping far from me tonight. I don't think they want to sleep alone, and truthfully, I want to keep them close by.
Children are so innocent. They don't deserve any of this. I just hope I have the strength to help them get through this. I married the wrong guy, and now they are paying the price. My goal for the next two weeks- focus on the children's mental well being, and make sure that I help them get over this hurdle.
As for tomorrow, well, I have to check on the court order, call my doctor again for some follow up stuff, call the CAS for an update, and speak to my son's school. All in a days work. To top it off, my daughter is going through massive separation anxiety and is refusing to go to school. I think I'll keep her home, just to help her calm down. It will be another day not in the office. I'll try to work from home, but honestly, I'm thinking maybe I should just consider taking a few weeks off at this point.
I'll make that decison tomorrow.
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