My Mom is the Sad One...

What a day. I feel like I haven't slept in an eternity. I had meetings downtown at another office today. Everything has been building up emotionally again. This happens to me from time to time. Obviously, I haven't got my own coping mechanisms right, and I continue to work on those. THANK GOD that I ran into a good friend in one of my morning HR sessions today. We went for a coffee and I got a chance to vent (OK and cry). I cannot believe how much is building up. I feel like this emotional time bomb ready to explode....again.

Then, on my way to my 2:00pm meeting, I was checking my blackberry, and saw a note from my son's teacher. The note lead me to cancel my meeting, and all other meetings for the afternoon. I got to my car and drove like a maniac, making it to the school by 3pm, just in time to meet my son's teacher.

The note basically said that he wasn't sure what was happening to my son, but that there is a definite change in behaviour. That he doesn't want to work, that he is constantly making excuses, and that he basically looks as if he's given up. Given up on work, given up on trying, given up on himself. The teacher wanted to make me aware of the situation, and ask if anything has changed in such a way that my son's behaviour would be impacted.

When I got to the school, I met with the teacher. I told him about my ex's wedding. He said that my son never mentioned it. This is odd, because he usually tells everyone everything. Anyhow, he said that he will continue to encourage him, and that he would like me to do the same. "Your son is going through way too much for a seven year old. We really need to help him through". I know honey. Trust me, I know.

I told him that I had tried to put my son in therapy, but that my ex had refused to consent. He understood my predicament, but agreed that therapy was the best option for him. I told him that I already spoke to the school principal and have arranged for the school social worker to give me a call. (I'm really hoping to find a loophole somewhere such that I can get some sort of therapy without Mr. Jerko's consent)...anyhow, let's see how that goes.

He said he would continue to work with me, so that's the good news. I mentioned to him that my ex is bipolar and asked if I had told him this before. He said that no, I hadn't told him, but that he did hear about it (probably from the principal or last year's teacher I'm guessing). Anyhow, every now and then, when my son gets really frustrated, he talks/confides in one of his teachers from last year. Apparently, when the teacher asked him what his family was like, he said "My dad is the angry one. My mom is the sad one". Sad one indeed. I started crying when he told me that. Right there, in front of the teacher. I am so embarrassed.

Anyhow, I never really thought of myself as the sad one. Frustrated yes, fed up yes, emotional yes. Odd that he perceives me as sad. I would agree that I'm sad at times, but ... well, it would certainly explain why he is so very protective of me. But no child should have to take a parental role for their parents. Ever.

This is such a mess. And it is all my ex's fault. Damn him for refusing to allow the therapy sessions. He doesn't even care for his own children's well being. What a selfish, manipulative, cruel asshole.