Why Settle?

An interesting thought. I've actually had a conversation with about 3 people about this very topic. It's funny. As I inch closer and closer to having all the divorce stuff finalized, everyone starts talking about what I will do from here, relationship wise. I guess it's a natural question. After all, I have been separated for 2 years now.

So there are basically three different opinions that I heard in the past few days. First there was one of my dearest friends. I was recounting a recent issue that has come up in my life. We chatted on Friday, and she said that while hoping that everything works out for the best, one thing that she has learned in her life is that we should never settle for less than we deserve. Wait and see how things go, but if they aren't meant to happen for you, don't wish them upon yourself. Only accept those things that you feel are meant to be good, and let the rest pass you by. That even applies in relationships. Never wish someone upon yourself that just doesn't like you back. What's the point...you are, after all, worthy of being treated like gold. If you refuse to settle, you will eventually find happiness, and will also minimize pain in your life.

So, my next friend was talking about relationships in general. She said- take a good look at your life. You've finally found happiness. Some women are better off on their own. You might just be one of those women. You're finally happy, so don't mess with it. Women who are divorced are typically happier than men who are divorced. You have newly found freedom and independence. Don't let a man take that away from you. Stay away from men. (But then she did go on to say, if you do decide to move on with someone, make sure he's not Indo-Pak) :-) I guess we all have ghosts in our closets haha.

So the last friend, and I must admit, this was the most disappointing, said that I need to learn to settle. He basically said that being divorced with 2 kids I have too much baggage, and so basically I would have to learn to compromise in return for that. In fact, in his words, I would have to do most of the compromising. Well this was just too much. Firstly, I don't think my children are baggage. They are warm and loving, and besides....Love me, love my children. And secondly, what the heck...if I really have to settle anyways, I might as well have stayed with my ex, (the father of these children)...that would at least have eliminated some issues. Besides, who doesn't have baggage of some sort? I mean, yes this was an Indo-Pak friend, and he had a very typical Indo-Pak mentality but still....Is this what I will be up against? I don't think so...

So, for the first time in my life, I defended myself. And you know what? I learned a thing or two along the way. I guess I've never had to defend myself before. Up until now, I've been wondering what was wrong with me, almost like I must have done something to deserve whatever has happened. Not in my marriage, I know I was a great wife, but almost like I had done something wrong somewhere in my life. But here's the thing. I met many women from our community, and you know what, not to be arrogant, but there isn't much character or integrity out there at all. And so I realized it...For the first time...Today. I'm actually a great package. I mean all those guys that I've met that have been saying things like- why couldn't we have met you a few years ago- or wow...I HAVE to introduce you to my friends....They aren't being sarcastic or joking. They were serious, and I just got that today.

I mean really- I was talking to this friend, and I told him...You know what? I have EVERY right to be picky. I have every right to demand happiness. And I WON'T settle. I refuse to. Because I deserve more. And here's why. I'm honest, caring and decent. I have integrity. I'm a loving mother and a loving wife. I've never cheated anyone. I'm well educated. I have a decent career. I'm independent. And if you're Muslim, you'll be happy to know, I don't drink, smoke, do drugs or sleep around. I have patience....I stuck through a bad marriage because I loved and loved and loved some more....Even when I shouldn't have. I am a loyal friend. And I don't exactly think I'm horrible looking either. I may not be model material, but how many of us are?

So guess what? I have EVERY right to be picky. And not to settle. So to all three of you friends....Thank you for contributing to this realization. Thank you so very much. I think I've lacked this confidence for years. Let's just hope it sticks around for awhile. I'm not trying to have an inflated head, but I am trying to say to myself, that I am not that abused woman anymore. I have nothing to hide, nothing to fear, and nothing to be afraid of. And HELL NO, I'm not going to settle. Not this time. I've come much to far.