Adult Bonds with Parents

Isn't it interesting that how when we are younger in our teenage years, we rebel like crazy, go through this anti-parent phase, and how it often fades away when we get older? Although I was never really disrespectful to my parents (I have the cultural background to thank for part of that), I did go through the "I don't want to be seen with my parents" phase, and the "my parents are so NOT cool phase". Most teenagers go through it...It's a part of growing up and establishing our own independence in the world.

As we get older, most of us grow out of that phase and come to respect our parents. We learn to respect their wisdom, their guidance, their experiences. We turn to them for advice, and want to spend more time with them.

My friend Graham once told me that while all of this is part of the natural cycle, there is one thing that can happen on rare occasions. You see, there is a difference between going through the natural circle, and with actually being friends with your parents. It's one thing to respect them and seek their guidance, and it's quite another to actually want to be with them and spend time with them, and enjoy their company as a friend.

Interestingly enough, I think I'm developing that type of bond with my parents. I actually like to spend time with them. I have fun going places with both my parents. I'm looking forward to the summer- to picnics, to outings, etc. This is a change from before. When I was with my ex, I saw my parents because, well because they are my parents, and so we should honor them. Their guidance was helpful, but I didn't share everything with them.

Now, after having lived with them for a year, things are different. My friend Graham says that statistically speaking a child that leaves home and then returns to live with their parents in their adult years will likely end up developing an adult bond with those parents. According to him, the reason for this is that when you return to your parents' home as an adult, the terms are different, the independence is different, and there is a mutual level of respect that isn't there before. Mutual respect is the key.

So, although culturally, Indo-Pak parents do tend to be more involved, and they do tend to expect more, I think I am developing this bond with my parents, and I'm loving it. I am now in a space where I can tell them when involvement is too much involvement. I can call them and tell them I just want to hang out and have fun, and I will almost always call them and share my problems and seek their advice. It's actually really really nice.

I guess that's just another piece of silver lining that came from my separation. In hindsight, the one year I spent at my parents' home was a good thing. It was good financially, it was good emotionally, and it was great because it allowed me to develop my relationship with mom and dad. Everything happens for a reason. I just LOVE silver lining.