I feel like such a bad, bad, mother. I just found out that today was pajama day at my son's school. I usually write every single event in my calendar, and somehow I forgot this one. I feel so horribly. I don't know how it slipped my mind. The weird thing is, last week, my son reminded me that it would be this Friday. I told him that I wouldn't forget. I forgot. I can't believe I forgot. It's not like me to be disorganized or to forget stuff. I feel really really bad.
I know in the grand scheme of things, this is no big deal. I mean, it's not like he will go through life scarred because mommy forgot to put pajamas on him on pajama day or something, but the point is, I wonder if I forgot because I'm a single mom trying to do this on my own. I mean, if I was still with my ex, would I have forgotten? Don't get me wrong, I'm not implying that I was better off with my ex, I certainly wasn't. I'm just wondering if I'm dropping the ball on things as a result of being on my own?
Last week, my son had a Jump Rope for Heart at school. A month before, he had another fundraising event. I don't like sponsoring all these events, nor do I like asking friends to sponsor. I sponsored him last month. For last week's jump rope, I chose not to sponsor or send a form. I hate asking people for money. My son said he was the only one who didn't do it. I didn't care at the time because, well- two or three fundraising events in a month is just too much. Too bad is what I think....But now I'm wondering if I'm being a bad mother. I don't want my son to look like the bad kid at school, but really, I don't want to do all these fundraising things, and the pajama thing was an oversight.
To top it off, I got a flaming email today from my ex about how upset our son is that he was the only one not wearing pajamas, and about how irresponsible a mother I am. I mean, I feed them, bathe them, dress them, listen to them, support them emotionally. I didn't mean to upset my son....And I would like to think that I'm far from irresponsible. I know today's oversight was a bit irresponsible of me, and I feel horribly, but it was an oversight.
Sigh. OK...Rant over. I'm going to go and calm my guilty conscience. Ice cream anyone?
2 comments:
Good grief! You are *NOT* a bad mother! Your ex is STILL abusing you with words. Any time he says something negative or critical, tell him you gotta go (work, mother/friend calling, doc's appt, food on stove, whatever!), OR if you're feeling really gutsy say you don't need to hear his negativity or be abused again and will not take that from anyone; somehow just distance yourself. Then say 10 things positive about yourself. Or call up a sympathetic friend if need be to do it for you.
You have to get his poisonous/toxic vibes out of your life. You deserve so much better than that crap!
Thanks. I don't know who you are, but I love you :)
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