Here's a question- Why do some people not consider or understand the impacts of their actions? I have a friend who met someone recently. She for all fine purposes really liked this person a lot. He said that they were friends, yet behaved otherwise. When things progressed, he told her that he "wasn't interested in anyone at all" and that he didn't know if he wanted a long term relationship or any form of relationship. She cried. She was hurt. He claimed that he didn't understand why she was so hurt. Holy disconnect.
I look at her story and I think to myself "what the..." I mean, what is the deal? From what I'm hearing, this is not an uncommon story. My question is- how is it that a guy doesn't know what he wants out of life? And to be honest, if you don't know what you want out of life, why should you be aloud to go around breaking people's hearts and making them so upset? This is not a fair way to approach things, and in my opinion...it is just wrong. I know in some cases, there are people who genuinely don't know how they feel about someone until they are "in" the situation, but it still doesn't negate the fact that the other party still ends up feeling hurt.
I hear that this is not uncommon for men. Break a heart, walk away. On another, but equally unfair note, I know of someone who dates multiple girls at a time and one never knows about the other. People around him laugh and joke, but quite frankly, I find it disgusting. I mean, where is the integrity? Don't women deserve to be treated with respect? Hell- don't all people deserve to be treated with respect?
My Muslim friends will come in now and say that this is one of the things that can be avoided by not casually dating. Devout Muslims don't date casually, and therefore manage to avoid the multiple heartbreaks. Please don't feed me that garbage. I know enough women in our community who have had husbands cheat on them, treat them with indifference, or other forms of disrespect. It just isn't right. This problem occurs regardless of which community you belong to, regardless of whether you're married or single. And I'm sorry to say this, but truthfully, the Muslim community isn't any better than any other in this regard. Trust me, I've been on the single side of the fence. I've met many jerks in the past few months, all of them Muslim. There is just as little integrity left in our community as there is in any other. Sad but true.
I'm not trying to male bash here. I'm not saying that women are angels. I've seen many brutal women too, just as many in fact, so it works both ways. I just want to understand why people in general think they have a right to trample on other people's hearts and feelings and why they think they have the right to toy around? It's not right. It's unfair. It lacks integrity. Trying to meet people has become nothing shy of a fake-o-rama dating game, and there is no room in it for honest people.
I think lately, I've been looking around, watching the world around me, and to be honest, I'm finding it to be a really disappointing place. Relationships are fickle. People are selfish, and there are very few good ones left in the world. Just when you think you meet good people, you learn otherwise. What's the point? Why bother? I think I'm going to build myself a bubble and live in it. Don't trust anyone, don't get hurt. I've had enough garbage in my life not to want to invite anymore in. I don't think I will be up for the dating game. I don't think I'm up for the heartbreak. I think I'll just raise my children on my own, live in my bubble and stay away from relationships. Well, at least for now. That way, I can avoid becoming the girl with the "what the??" in her head as the guy walks away after telling her that he's "not interested"...
7 comments:
"How is it that a guy doesn't know what he wants out of life? And to be honest, if you don't know what you want out of life, why should you be aloud to go around breaking people's hearts and making them so upset?"
C'mon. That's a completely loaded and unfair question. Here are the two biggest cliches about men and women and relationships:
1) men are heartless jerks who relish every opportunity they get to break some poor defenseless woman's heart;
2) women are clingy obsessives who begin planning their future with a guy before the first date is over.
With that one sentence you proved both cliches right.
Life isn't an episode of Sex and the City. You won't to take the drama out of relationships? Stop talking to other women about them.
HA! That was funny. Except...this guy didn't do that after the first date, or the second, or the 10th for that matter. See, what I was trying to say is, he took MANY dates to do this to her. Now of course you shouldn't plan your wedding after the first date, or the first year of dating. But at the same time, if you're a guy who is not looking for anything near a commitment, and you meet a girl who is not a casual fling/dating type of gal, don't waste her time, or get her emotionally vested when you decide to spring your news on her. I mean, he had to have known all along, and you know what, it's not right. That's all I'm saying. I know I'm an amateur when it comes to this dating stuff. I mean I only had one significant relationship in my life, and it started in high school, so I do have alot of catching up to do :-)
And while we are on the topic of me, and what I'm doing/thinking, I'm not going to date, so I won't need to take your advice about not talking to other women. I'm going to join a nunnery and become the first ever Muslim Nun. WITH CHILDREN LOL. Hey- at least the Muslims AND Christians will have something to protest, and at least I will avoid the dating game :-)
I'm sure you're itching to say something :-P
I sure am.
"I mean, he had to have known all along..."
See, this is why men think women are crazy. When a guy goes on a date, it's just that: a date. Hanging out, bring friendly, spending time together, having sex, seeing a movie, whatever. One date, ten dates...they're just dates. They're exactly what they sounds like. Women, on the other hand, see dates as an evaluation of potential, a necessary step toward a committed relationship.
Men (usually) see dates as casual things and can't figure out why after a few the woman suddenly gets upset when he doesn't seem to take things seriously enough. Women (usually) see dates as a journey with an obvious goal and can't figure out why the guy doesn't want to make the trip with them.
Thus: all men are assholes and all women are psychotic. I think that about sums up the entire history of stand-up comedy.
You're right. That is how a woman sees dates. I think you have summed it up correctly. But I still think it lacks integrity for guys to be this way.
If a guy just wants a good time, then he should find a like minded woman. If he is with a girl that he knows is looking for a relationship and NOT casual dating, then dating her/sleeping with her is deceitful and lacks integrity.
Like I said, I'm a novice at this, so maybe I am totally being high school or old fashioned. Either way, this is how I feel. If you want to sleep around, go to a meat market type place, pick up a girl, do what you want and walk away. Don't string her along KNOWING full well she's developing feelings for you. How mean, cruel, and deceiptful is that? Come ON! :-)
I think that in life you have tests and you seem to have passed quite a lot. However it would seem to me that men in general are an insecure lot same as women and they need their hands held. The one difference between men and women I found is that each want different things. Men want comfort of knowing there is someone there for them without the emotional baggage as they are able to seperate themselves that way. SOme women are all or nothing. There there is no middle ground and men think only one way and that is one thing at a time. Women are able to think all at once and go off in different directions. Sometimes men are just idiots who when they find someone to fill their emotional needs don't take into consideration that the woman is becomign vested and needs more. It always happens that way its rare for two hears, souls and personalities to connect. Sometime you have to leave inorder to be set free. I just think that people who know they don't want a relationship to begin with should not expect another person that wants one to be their support because ultimately they support will fail and all will come crashing down......
Girls need to learn to be smarter and to protect their precious hearts. And to take control of relationships they are in. I'm sure there were signs on the first date and your poor friend should have cut off the guy right then.
I would recommend the following 3 books that are very useful:
The Rules
Why Men Love Bitches
He's just not that into you
Wow- You're the 3rd person to give me that reading list. I might just do that :)
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