Time to Myself

"If you can come through the snow and the rain and the sleet, you know you can make it easily when the sun is out and everything is all right."
-Malcom X

Today was a day for myself. I went to the gym for a longer period of time, came home, had a snack, and read some magazines. I'm just spending the day relaxing, trying not to think about too much.

I like this quote from Malcom X. I think it fits. I mean, I've been through 11 years of emotional turmoil, and its finally almost over. It's just paperwork and legal administration now. I feel calm. I feel a bit empty. But calm, and optimistic I would say. After all, nothing is worse than what I went through. If I survived that and made it out, I'm sure I can survive just about anything. The road ahead can only get better.

It's kind of weird, but I've been thinking a lot, and if I haven't missed my ex during our two years of separation, it's obvious that there isn't anything much left there, and that it's been over emotionally for quite some time. The rest is now up to me. Where I go, what I do, I can now make my own decisions. I do, however, want him to be really happy. There is no point in being toxic with each other. If he's happy, my children will be happy and so will I. I've never been the type of person who can stand seeing anyone hurt or upset, so I will be better off if he does well with his life.

As for me, my good friend once reminded me that it's better to be alone for the right reasons, than to be with someone for the wrong reasons. I agree wholeheartedly. I'm not sure what the future will hold for me, but there are two things; no matter what, I'm going to make sure I continue to live my life with integrity, and number two, I'm going to learn from this experience. I don't know if life will give me a second chance at a relationship, and quite frankly, I'm not sure if it matters, unless I can be confident that it would be the right one for me, and that I wouldn't let history repeat itself. Here's to learning and moving on, whatever that might entail.