OK- It's noon. No divorce papers yet, and I've been sitting at home all day waiting. So I called my ex and he said that his lawyer is in court all day and that he doesn't have an answer for me. He said I'll get served anytime between today and Monday.
Well, I'm not prepared to sit at home all weekend so I looked up his lawyer's number and just called their office. The main lawyer from the firm came to the phone (not my ex's lawyer, but the owner of the firm), and said that he didn't know of any papers being served today. I asked if he was sure and he said that it could be possible that I'm getting papers, but if I am, he doesn't know about it. His recommendation- don't sit at home waiting for the divorce papers. If he finds out anything, he'll call me before sending them to my home. If I'm not going to be here, he can arrange for me to pick them up from his office.
So I asked him "are the papers even drafted?" and he said he couldn't answer my question. I've left a message for the other lawyer to call me, but he won't be in until 3pm. This does not sound good at all.
Honestly, if this is another one of my ex's scams, I'm seriously not going to be civil anymore. I think I've been very patient and courteous and fair....But this is just getting to be too much.
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Well, this is interesting. I just got off the phone with my ex's lawyer. It's now 3:29 PM. He said he has no clue why I was told the papers would be served, because they aren't even ready, nor has my ex seen them, nor has he signed them. This is nice, isn't it. Oh the games that people play.
So here's what I've done. I've told him to prepare the documents and that I will come in to sign them on Tuesday morning. That way, there is no back and forth with mailing. Also, the lawyer said he never received the marriage certificate, although I gave it to my ex a few weeks ago. Without it, they cannot file. I've instructed my ex to give the certificate back to me so I can personally give it to the lawyer.
In the meantime, I've called my ex, told him to go with me on Tuesday to sign the papers. He said no. If I don't want to see him, he doesn't want to see me. I told him that if he won't sign the papers, I'll have to go to the courts for support money. My guess- I think he'll go with me to sign the papers on Tuesday. I feel horrible being this nasty. I just don't feel like I have many options left. I've been patient, I've been nice, and I've tolerated a great deal. But really, enough is enough.
On the plus side, the lawyer did say that if we both sign the papers together, it can be filed as a joint petition which means it gets processed much faster. Hooray for silver lining. Ok- so now I wait till Tuesday. Hey- it could have been worse. I could have been sitting at home all weekend waiting to be "served". Now I just have to make sure my ex goes in to sign them.
2 comments:
You're not being nasty. You're not being unreasonable. You're treating him like a child throwing a tantrum, which is exactly how he's acting.
Don't trust that he'll act rationally. Don't assume that he'll follow through. Don't believe that he'll keep his word. He won't. You can't deal with this by being accomodating and compromising. You can't reason a man out of a position he was never reasoned into.
Treat him like he's a client trying to screw you out of your fee, or a vendor trying to get out of a delivery date. Don't be emotional when you're dealing with legal matters; be completely and utterly devoid of emotion.
This isn't about love or hate, and it isn't about family or abandonment. It's about legality and formality.
You're right Dan, and I am trying to deal with this formally and legally. Your point about treating him like a vendor is a good one, however, there is one key difference in this case. Vendors don't have a past of hitting you square in the face when they get angry.
Rightly or wrongly, one big piece of this picture is the fact that I am still afraid of him. His temper scares me because I know full well what he is capable of. And while there are laws etc to protect me, (and trust me, I've looked into all of them), none of them can protect me until after the fact, ie- after he's done something- attacked me, the children, etc. So, while you're right that I have to deal with this rationally, at the same time, I have to keep in the back of my mind that there may be consequences if I push him to hard.
Right now, my ex is a man who stands to lose nothing. He's financially a mess, he's lost his family, his home, and has no support network such as his own friends or family. This, coupled with his temperment makes him the most dangerous type of person.
But your comments are right from the perspective that I can't feel guilty- I have two issues that I am dealing with- guilt and fear. While you cannot help eliminate the fear, you have at least helped with the guilt. I thank you for that. :-)
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