Here we go Again

Just when you think you're starting to feel a bit better, you get hit with a day that seems to throw you back by weeks. One step forward, 10 steps backwards. Sigh. What can you do?

I can't even begin to get into how incredibly crappy a day I had today...Right from the morning to night. It's like nothing went right today. Honest to God, some days I feel like I'm having an out of body experience. I'm about at the point where I feel like I need to lock myself away from the world for a few days and tell everyone to leave me alone. It's like some days, I almost feel like I just can't function anymore. I can't think logically, I can't speak logically, and I can't contain my emotions. I mean, I've always been an emotional person, but this is waaaay out of hand, even for me. It's like the emotions have taken over my mind and my ability to think logically.

So- I thought the angry phase was long over. I thought wrong. Admittedly, I'm nowhere near where I was when I first left my ex. But I guess I just didn't expect everything to resurface again during the divorce. I just kind of thought that things would wind down, I'd be rid of my ex, and life would be happy again. I didn't expect him to create so many problems for me, and I didn't expect life to get this complicated. I thought I would be ok.

I think the highlight of my day was when my colleague told me that life will be amazing once everything is final (according to his brother's experiences). I'm really hoping he's right. I mean...If this gets any worse, I'm really not going to be able to get through. Now I know why women don't leave abusive or really complicated marriages. It may actually just be easier to stick it through to the end. Leaving and trying to start over is a far more complicated route....So it better end up being worth it.

As for me...I'm just feeling like an emotional mess. I want this to be over. I want the paperwork done. I want my life back. I want to be able to have normal conversations without crying over random things. Ever feel like running away and starting your life over away from everyone? That's the space I'm in.