I spoke to my ex last night and he was adamant that he was not going to sign the papers just yet, that he was ready to go to court and hash out everything all over again. That was a very stressful conversation, and I went to sleep expecting a not so pleasant day today.
This morning at 9:30 I received a phone call from my ex. We had a really pleasant chat and agreed to sign the divorce papers today, together. I picked him up from his house, drove to the lawyer, and we signed the papers. The lawyer said he had to draft some affidavits, and that we would have to come back in another 30 days to sign those, and then it would take 2 months after that for things to finalize. I was shocked. I basically told the lawyer to draft the affidavits now, while we wait, and that we would sign them within the hour. I offered to take my ex for lunch while we waited. (What- like you think it would have been easy to get him back to the lawyer's to sign a second set of documents?). The lawyer reluctantly agreed.
I didn't notice my ex put on his sunglasses while signing the documents. I didn't notice his silence, because I was silent too. I mean, signing away a 17 year relationship, and an 11 year marriage was hard to do. I'm not saying that I regret it, because it needed to be done, but it was difficult nonetheless.
When we got to the car, I noticed his tears. I've only ever seen him cry once, so that was a bit difficult for me. I held his hand, we went to the restaurant, ate lunch, chatted a bit about some of the nice times we shared, went back to the lawyers, signed the second set of documents, and came home. All in all, I would say that we got a lot accomplished today, but that it was emotionally draining, and very "heavy".
One nice thing...When we had lunch, he did say some nice and reassuring things. He said that this was tougher for him, because I was a great wife, he told me that it would be difficult to move on after being with someone as caring as myself, and that he knows he was lucky to have been with me. He said that I was for all purposes as close as anyone can come to being the "perfect wife". I'll take all this as a compliment, because I do believe he was being sincere.
He thanked me for having integrity throughout the separation. I'm glad he acknowledged this today. My close friends know that integrity is something that was important to me throughout this process, and that I always maintained that I had to be able to walk away with "a clean heart". His words reassured me that I will be able to do just that.
The finishing touch- the message on my fortune cookie that made us both laugh... "You are never bitter, deceptive, or petty". Words to live by. I'm going to keep this fortune cookie message in my scrapbook. It was a nice reminder to receive during a very difficult process. I'm glad I'm making it through.
2 comments:
Wow.
Thanks guys. It's been quite the day. My head is still spinning, and quite frankly, I'm sitting this one out- don't want to talk on the phone, don't want to give anyone an update, I just want to be alone. I guess it's one of those moments. Feeling a bit wiped out because it took so much to get here, feeling a bit sad, confused, scared, and hopeful all at once.
One day, I'm gonna write a book. :-)
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