Today was fun. I spent the whole day with the children. We played board games, read books, talked, laughed and spent the day together, no TV. In the evening, we went to my sister's place for Turkey dinner. It was a nice evening, and the children seemed to be enjoying themselves. I'm looking forward to the next two weeks with them.
Yesterday was my son's 6th Birthday. I cannot believe that it was 6 years ago that this awesome child was born. Every day that goes by, he makes my heart melt just a little more. I know that one day, he will stop being as cuddly and affectionate as he is now, but I hope that day holds off just a few more years. I'm really loving this stage of his childhood, and I think it's helping me through all of this- to have Mr. Adorable wake me up with little kisses in the morning, telling me that I'm the best person in the whole world. Who can want anything more than that?
For his birthday, we spent the day with some friends. She was really nice, baked him a cake and everything, and he had a great time at their place. It's funny- we focus on the big commercial parties, but at the end of the day, kids just want to have fun...And they don't really care how that happens. Anyhow, we had a nice time, and he's really proud to be 6. He says that he's a grown up now. It's seriously hilarious and I find it hard to control my laughter, but I'm trying to keep it in as I nod in agreement as he talks. I explained that he's getting there, but I don't think he quite understands what that means just yet.
On another note, I spoke with my ex last night about the divorce papers. It seems that he doesn't want us to file just yet. This coupled with his recent episode with the meds concerns me. I just want things to be final. I almost feel that if we can finalize things at last, then I can relax just a bit around him. Right now, I just feel like I can't be myself, because I always have to be on guard. Maybe its better this way. Maybe being on guard is a good thing. I don't know. Either way, dragging this on just isn't a good thing.
On the car front, it turns out that I had to get a new car. That totally bites, because I really wasn't prepared for the expense just yet. I guess these things can't always be planned. I've ordered the 2006 newly redesigned Civic. It's a reliable car and will get me to where I need to go without breaking down. Not the Volvo S40 I originally wanted, but I'm grateful to have anything at this point, and it's new, so I don't need to be afraid of it breaking down. And its a Honda, so driving around will cost me like 20 cents in gas. That's a bonus. The car was launched last month and its on backorder. They said they don't know when it will arrive, but it should arrive by Feb 7th. I know...That's insane. But I'm driving my sister in law's car for the time being, so I'll have to figure something out for Jan 7-Feb 7 as she's gonna need her car back. Maybe I can rent an S40 for a month...Ok- I'm kidding. :-)
1 comment:
Interesting question. Actually, when we first separated, I was determined to find someone else and to find happiness. As time went on (it's been a year and a half), I'm not sure anymore. I definitely want to avoid the Indo/Pak community if I can. My friends have told me to keep an open mind, that if I were ever introduced to someone by a close friend I should be open to it, but I don't know.
The biggest thing is that I've been on my own, and I really don't mind it. I'm not really lonely or anything. Life is busy, and I have great friends, so I'm doing just fine. I don't feel like I'm in any rush to meet anyone again.
Truth be told, it might be better this way. I don't think I will ever be able to trust anyone again from a relationship perspective, I will always have my guard up. I don't know if that's necessarily healthy from a relationship point of view, nor is it fair to the other party, so maybe I should just leave good enough alone.
I got married almost 12 years ago. I married my high school sweetheart who I met at 14. We grew up together. A love story doesn't sound more perfect than that, right? I argued with my family and with my community to marry the guy of my dreams, and after a year and a half of fighting the world, I finally got my way. I felt triumphant, relieved, happy, and like I could take on the world. Then it happened. The first black eye.
My first black eye (of hundreds) was, ironically enough, on my honeymoon and as far as I'm concerned, I wasted the next 11 years of my life. After all that arguing and the social problems I had created for my family, I was not prepared to admit to the world that I had made a mistake and created all the uproar for nothing. How many women do you know that would come home from their honeymoon at 21 and admit what had happened? How many of them are of an Indian background? Exactly. See the dilemma?
I'm older and wiser now, and I'm NOT willing to make that mistake ever again. As far as I'm concerned, trust is a privilege, not a right, and I'm not so sure I'm willing to share that with anyone again. But thanks for asking.
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