My Mother's Voice

We all say that we do not want to be like our parents. We grow up saying- "God, when I'm older, I am SO not going to sound like my mother with my kids". You know what? I listened carefully today and heard my mother's voice. It gave me a second to reflect.

The children were running around and around the coffee table in circles. I was so afraid that one of them would slip and fall. I had a flashback of when we were younger, and my brother, sister and I were doing the same thing. My mom kept yelling at us to stop, telling us that one of us would bust our heads open. That is, until my brother really did, NO REALLY- he banged into the wall and busted his forehead open, needed stitches and all. I remember that day because my mom was furious when it happened. She totally yelled us out for doing it, got the shoe, gave us each a butt spank (total Paki style), and then packed us into the cab to get my brother's head stitched up. I often wonder what possessed her to spank us first, and then get us in the cab after. Who knows? Maybe she was afraid she would forget to do it later, or maybe she needed the stress outlet.

Well OK- I'm not THAT bad. But funny- at the time, even my mom didn't seem so bad, it was just the way it was. Today, I heard her voice when I warned- "You guys better stop running around before one of you busts your head open". My son, who is super fabulous at giving me guilt trips, said "Mom- didn't you ever like to play tag?"...I responded with yes, but tag is for outside, not in the house- what are you jungilies? (Indian for wild animals). That, again was my mother's voice, for the second time in the same 30 seconds.

So, I thought I would stop the voice and explain to my children what I was afraid of. I told them the story about my brother, sister and I running in the house. When the story was over, my son said "Aww mom, is that all you're worried about? Don't worry, I wouldn't be dumb enough to bust my head open like that"...

OK- I didn't know if I should laugh or get angry. So I said "Well fine, go ahead and run. But if you do bust your head open Mr. Smartie Pants, don't come crying to me". OK- Those were my mom's exact words, yet again, and now I was totally freaked out. It was like I couldn't control it or something!

So that left me to reflecting. Maybe my mom's voice isn't such a horrible thing. I mean, she was a great mother (butt spanks and all), we just didn't realize it at the time. Maybe we were so stuck in believing that she was so un-cool that we never took her seriously. So what does that mean- that I seem like an un-cool mother to my kids? I totally don't think that I'm un-cool- but hell, who knows? Maybe I am.

Besides, my mom and I are different people. We are all afraid of sounding like our mothers, but really, they did have wisdom beyond their years. So while I totally wouldn't do the shoe-butt-spanking thing, I do completely understand where the voice is coming from. I heard it growing up, and so when I'm faced with the same, or a similar scenario, my gut instinct will be to react in a similar manner. That's why they say that children with temperamental parents can grow up to be temperamental, or that children of calm parents can grow up calm, or that children of abusive parents will grow up to be abusive.

These are all generalizations, but I think the point is that breaking away from the past is the exception, not the rule, which is why it is so important that we do our best when our children are in their younger years. And that we try our hardest to adopt the best that we learned, and leave behind the rest. Thank God I DID NOT adopt the shoe-spanking thing. :-)

And hey- if I hear my mother's voice from time to time, it's because, well, it IS jungilee to run in the house, and running IS for outside, and yeah, if you're not gonna listen, don't complain to me after. But really, even though I said it (and even though my mom said it to us), I would still tend to them if they got hurt. Cuz no matter what, at the end of the day, that's who mothers are. It's like the universal code of mothers that always seems to kick in at just the perfect moment. Maybe at the end of the day, we're alot more alike than we'll ever be willing to admit to.