Trying His Best

My son got his first grade one report card. Now before I get into this story, I'm going to qualify this by saying- yes I am a strong supporter of academics. I think an education is very important, and I would love nothing more than to see both my children be academically successful in their lives. That being said, I do not want to pressure them. Although some parental pressure can at times teach them to try harder, at other times it can backfire and make children give up. All I want right now is to see my children do their best, whatever that may be.

Here's the phenomenal thing. My son got all B's on his last report card. Now, you may wonder why a mother who pulled a straight A average throughout her entire academic career is so ecstatic that her son got B's in grade one. It's not the grade I'm concerned about. Not in the least. It's what the grade represents that matters to me. You see, I read the legend. A 'B' in all subjects means that he's meeting all the requirements. The phenomenal part is that this child is doing 'average' or 'acceptable' despite an incredibly challenging period in his life.

Look at it from his perspective. This little guy was removed in June 2004 from a home where he lived with his two parents. He was taken out of a school with all his friends and had to live with his mother and grandparents for a year. He also had to start a new school and meet new friends. Then, he and his sister were uprooted once again a year later (this past July) and moved into a new home. No more grandparents, and no father. Then, two months later, he started in a new school (this September), where not only did he have to learn new rules, meet new friends (yet again), but he also had to adapt to a new approach to learning. This is after all a public school, which is a big change coming from a Montessori environment.

I don't know about you, but for me, if I had all that change happen, you would probably notice that I would be much more distracted at work, that I would be somewhat emotional, maybe moody, and definitely would need the world to cut me some slack. And I'm an adult.

This little guy was able to keep up with everyone else despite all these challenges. I mean, how could anyone expect more than that? This tells me that he's a phenomenal kid, because really- if he had normal circumstances, he would be doing better than average. What more could I possibly ask for?

I'm also thrilled for another reason. This means he's doing ok. This means my children are adapting well. This means the child that appears to be happy and doing well is managing, despite this separation. This means that my efforts are working.

All I want is for my children to be ok. That is the most important goal. After that, I need to make sure that I'M ok. This makes me hopeful. This makes me happy. Somehow, something as trivial as a grade one report card feels like its MY report card- the fact that my child is doing "average" given this situation means that I must have done well helping him transition. I guess it's a moment to feel reassured. After all, we all need reassurance sometimes, don't we? My friends are always telling me about how great my children are, and how well they seem to be managing, but I half expect to hear that from my friends. Really- what else are they going to say? Man- you messed up these kids, and you've failed as a mother? Of course not.

I guess the external report on my son's progress means so much because it comes from someone who doesn't know me, my sensitivities, or how much this will mean to me. His teacher isn't trying to soften the blow, to make me feel better, or to sugar coat things. She's just an objective outsider giving her evaluation of his progress, of my progress, and of our progress. (She just doesn't realize that's what she's doing). I'm grateful for the status report, and for the reassurance. Here's to hoping for another "average" term, for another fabulous status report, and for further reassurance. I can only do my best to help these children succeed, and all I can ask of my children is that they continue to try their best. Strive for excellence, not perfection, right? Right now, the best thing is to be reasonable, and fair and to hope and pray for the best. My son has exceeded my expectations. I give him an A+ for his effort, and that's the most important category and grade of all.