I Survived!

I did it. I lasted through Eid dinner and I'm still alive. Actually, I'm better than alive. I feel great. I guess the two days of mental preparation worked. I've saved myself the usual 3 weeks after such an event where I'm usually trying to get over the guilt and feeling that I've somehow made a horrible mistake.

I managed to avoid most situations by first sitting in groups. People don't ask detailed personal questions if you're sitting in a crowd. I did have 2 run-ins with this aunt, and avoided her questions on the first one. The second time she did get me alone and managed to ask if my "husband" was doing better. "yes, he's well". I responded. She exclaimed that this was great news, that everything will be ok, that the kids will be happy...And so I stopped her. I told her that he's on his meds. That doesn't mean that there will be any changes to this situation, and by the way, the children ARE happy. Kids, after all, are very resilient. She started to protest and I stopped her mid-sentence. (Really- I mean what the hell- has she not seen what the past year and a half has been like? Does she think I'm a sucker for pain?)

"Actually- that's it. My decision is made. It's done. There's nothing left to talk about". She continued to ask what I meant by " it's done", but I refused to answer. I just shook my head and said nothing. Then she got up and walked away...'Good'... I thought to myself. 'And don't let the door hit you on your way out'.

I got up and walked towards the carpet where my daughter was playing with her Barbies. I smiled triumphantly and asked if I could join her. She was delighted. So was I. 'Ahhh'...I thought to myself. 'Stress free at last'.

I need to do this more often. Maybe I'm getting smarter. Maybe I'm getting stronger. Or maybe, I'm just learning not to let myself fall down the same conversational rathole more than once. Whatever the case may be, I'm liking it.