Another Week in Review

Clearly, things are a bit overwhelming these days. Blogging has not been my top priority. Here is the week in review:

• I got word that my ex met with the police on Monday. He hired a criminal lawyer. I'm told there won't be criminal charges, but that he has been given an official "warning" about his conduct.
• I spoke with the CAS. My ex was advised by his lawyer not to speak to the CAS without the family lawyer present. That meeting is supposed to happen by early next week. I will get an update from the CAS after that.
• In the meantime, the CAS told me that my ex wants to speak to the children. She told me that she advised him that it would be OK for him to have telephone calls, provided that I am supervising the calls. He is not to question them about what happened, not allowed to talk about anything that could be troubling for them. He can tell them he loves them, tell them he misses them and ask them about school.
• Today (Saturday), my ex called my cell. I chose not to answer it because I cannot supervise a call from my cell. I need to be home where I can either let the children use a speaker phone, or where I can pick up a second extension. When we got home I told the children that their dad had called and asked if they wanted to call him back. They said no. They said he is mean and scary and they don't want to talk to him. This puts me in an awkward position. Legally, if I don't return his call, I don't want him to take the position that I deliberately restricted his contact. Then again, with everything the children have been through, I hardly want to be the one to FORCE a phone call. I'm just going to take the chance. I mean, what else am I supposed to do? Contribute to messing them up even more? No thanks.
• Other than that, I've spent the bulk of the week getting the kids into a routine, trying to give some sense of normalcy. I think they are doing a little better this week than they were last week. Keep your fingers crossed on this one.
• My daughter had a peculiar hair cutting incident this week. She apparently doesn't like tangles in her hair, so she took the scissors on Thursday morning and cut all the tangles out of her hair. Parts ended up ear length, parts ended up mid way down her back. I took her to the hairdresser today, totally afraid that we would have to give her a boy cut. Fortunately, they were able to cut layers and salvage most of it. Thank God for small favors.
• My daugter got her yellow stripe in Tae Kwan Do this week. Small win during stressful times. I was shocked to see her. She is usually so shy and lacks confidence. On Thursday, I saw a girl who was able to do the entire pattern with such strength. The instructor actually spoke to me afterwards and asked what happened. He never sees so much force in her. Her voice was so loud when she was leading the drills. He was shocked. So was I. I'm not sure if it was rage, or just an outlet. But I am SO glad the kids are in martial arts. This has to be good for them.
  
• Next week we have a meeting with the assessor. We will both be there. This should be interesting. I'm not looking forward to it. Not at all. At the end of the day, I am still afraid of my ex. I'm not sure what I'm afraid of. It's like I'm conditioned to be afraid of his temper. It's all very creepy.

That's it for this week. I'll do another update in a couple of days.

Weekend Update

Here is what has transpired since my last entry:

My children had a therapy session on Friday afternoon. It did not go well. My son didn't seem to want to go and by the time we got there he was in a full blown tantrum. I had to carry him up to the doctor's office and forcibly keep him in the room with me. He didn't talk at all with her, but he let me recount the weeks events and he sat there curled in a ball in the corner the whole time. When he had enough, he started telling me "No more talking". The therapist says this is normal (WOW), mostly because he has been so silent since the police visit. She says her office represents a place where the children come to talk in a safe environment about their dad, their fears etc, and that she feels it is understandable why in a stressful week he would not want to come, and would not want to talk. He just wasn't ready. He said a few passing things about being hurt and angry with his dad, but that was it. We have another appointment on Saturday next week, so we can try again then. At least he let me speak about it. She says that was promising.

I spent the rest of the weekend on "nothing". We did nothing stressful. Went to the theater to see National Treasure 2, rented a movie (Evan Almighty), played video games, did homework and visited a few friends today. The therapist said that I should let the weekend be one big outlet...no pressure, no chores, no talking about "it" unless they open up. I stuck to the plan. It worked very well. Today, my children seem a lot more relaxed. Mission accomplished.

As for me, you might be wondering what it did for "me". I did a couple of things. I called my old therapist and setup appointments with him for myself. Good start right? Graham was open to seeing me, so I'm happy about that, and looking for the emotional outlet myself. This is all a bit more than I had bargained for. The second thing I did is that I went to the gym both days this weekend. But, not only did I go to the gym, I went to 2 exercise classes. One ball fusion, and one step class. This may not sound like a big deal, but here is a bit of background- I've always wanted to do a step class, but have been too scared. I tried it once about 10 years back (when I was lean and fit) and to my surprise, I couldn't keep up for more than 10 minutes. I felt so bad, I never went back again. This time, I went in, and lasted the whole class! Maybe all that cardio work is paying off. It was such a thrill and I feel great. Little pieces of silver lining during the storm I guess.

Now- back to the storm...here is my plan for this week. I'm going to just sit back and let things unfold. I have spent the entire weekend stressing over the situation, and where I am now is that I realize that this is going to go however it is meant to. It is clearly not in my hands, and we have a greater power guiding things, so I'm just going to sit back and wait until I can add value.

With my ex, my lawyer always said to leave him alone. She said if I give him enough rope, he will hang himself (figuratively speaking of course). That is exactly what he has done. He couldn't have picked a worse time to spank the kids. I mean, we are in the middle of a parental assessment. Even if they don't press charges, having your access moved to a supervision centre cannot look good on his parenting abilities, right?

Let's see what happens. With any luck, maybe this time, he won't get out of it so easily. Maybe this time, he will have to face the consequences of his actions and continuous ploys to cover them up.

Probably Not Charge...

And that is OK with me. I just spoke to the officer. He hasn't met with my ex yet, but will be meeting with him tomorrow at the police station. It sounds like my ex has hired a criminal lawyer, who will be attending either with him, or on his behalf. Either way, he has been advised that he will not be seeing the children for the next while.

I asked the lawyer in detail what the criteria is for pressing charges. He said it's usually when the evidence speaks out so loudly that it cannot be disputed in court. For example, a father picks up a chair and hits a child with it, resulting in broken bones and xray reports. This of course is nothing like that.

The officer acknowledged that he has seen all the police reports of domestic issues with his second wife. He sees them as a pattern of a mental issue, or anger issue. But charges were never laid before, so they are hard to lay now. Fatima should have charged when she had the chance. More importantly, I should have charged when I had the chance. My bruises were telling. What goes around comes around doesn't it? Had I taken care of this back then, I wouldn't be sitting here in this situation right now.

Anyhow, it's OK if they don't press charges. I see how bruising from a spanking (when spanking is legal) is difficult compared to a total beating. I told the officer as long as we protect the children, that is what matters.

His recommendation will be no access in the short term, and supervised access in the long term, with no periods of time unsupervised and supervision can only be provided by the CAS themselves in a supervision centre.

I still feel sorry for him. I just don't understand what is wrong with me. I feel like I have done something horrible, yet he is the one who hurt the kids. I feel angry at him for hurting them, but sorry for him too, mostly because of his mental condition. I wish he would just go on the medication and make everyone's life easier.

To Charge or Not to Charge

So I called the officer back yesterday. They are still trying to reach my ex. The decision they need to make is whether to press charges or not. I asked what their deciding criteria is. They said they need to determine if this is a bad parent, or a criminal. Bad parents get less time/controlled environments with their children. Criminals have charges pressed against them. I think he is leaning towards not pressing charges. I understand, but it feels like my ex has nine lives. I should have pressed charges when we were married. Fatima should have pressed charges, but she changed her statement during one of the police visits. This time, it looks like he will walk again.

The main thing, however, is the safety of the children, and I'm hoping they will, at minimum, uphold that.

The CAS has given me a letter. It's worded a bit funny, but it does the trick for now. Basically, it states that their recommendation is that the children have no access to their father until their investigation is complete. It talks about what has transpired, the police involvement, etc. In the last paragraph, it says that they see me as a protective parent and my home as a protective home for the children. It also says that if I were to send the children to their father, it would compromise their regard of me as a protective parent. Basically, if I send them, they would take the children away from me for not being able to protect them.

Here is the kicker. I am going to be in contempt of court. You see, the CAS is not above the court. They cannot over-ride a court order. I have a court order that is not as vague as the last one. This one clearly states that the children are to see their father every other weekend and it includes drop off/pick up times. He could, technically show up with the police. I could also technically be charged. I am told that if that happens, I have this letter, and while they can try to charge me, the charges wouldn't stick. I find this a little weird. Personally, I think it would have been better for the CAS to go to the judge and get an interim emergency order that changes arrangements until their investigation is complete. But they won't do that.

Today, I am working from home. I really don't think I will get much done as I am exhausted, have a massive headache, and my eyes are burning from lack of sleep. I got the children a 2pm appt with their therapist (they need it), so let's see how that goes. Hopefully they will feel a bit better emotionally. My son is a bit upset. He says he doesn't like to "talk about these things" but that he was forced to tell the truth the other day because you can't lie to a police officer. I feel so bad.

It doesn't help that my family has different opinions on what is going on. Some of them think that I should leave it alone, its a mark, but the first time, so let it go and don't let the police be involved. Others agree that it's only the beginning and going to get worse. I obviously share the latter opinion, but you can totally see the Desi culture coming out here. I think I need this weekend on my own.

I think the police will be talking to my ex today. I finally fell asleep around 5 am and woke up at 6:30am to a telephone call. I was dazed and couldn't hear correctly so I hung up. The phone rang like 10 times after that and I was in the washroom. I later checked the number and realized it was my ex. I decided not to call him back. I'm guessing he knows by now about the police involvement and he's mad. I'm guessing he wants information. But I don't think anything good would come out of a conversation with him right now. I might say things that won't be very nice.

But here is the really screwed up part. I feel sorry for him. I am infuriated for what he did, for him refusing the meds and creating a mess of our lives. My other side sees the mental illness, knows he isn't 100% in control of what he is doing, and I feel sad for him.

I know- it's all a bit too messed up.

The Bruise

You read correctly.

This morning when I was dressing the children for school, I noticed a bruise on my son's bottom. It's kind of small like finger digits and then there is a slightly larger one up a bit. It looks a bit like a palm and digits. I was infuriated.

So I drove to my doctor's office at 8:30am this morning. I showed him the bruise. My son told the truth, that his dad had taken off his clothes and spanked him because he had refused to do his homework. My daughter confirmed that she was there, and that she was begging him to stop hurting her brother, but that he wouldn't.

So we have a bruise, a story, and a witness.

Our doctor called the CAS and spoke to the case worker who is working on our already-open case. You see, in the past, we had a story but unconfirmed timelines, which apparently is useless, or we had the children saying one thing and their father saying another. But THIS time, we have a bruise, a story, a witness, and confirmed timelines.

I didn't want it to come to this. Remember all those times that CAS said "It would be different if there were a mark". I kept saying that I don't want the mark to happen. But now it happened. This is what I was afraid of all along. Why is it that the CAS will harass innocent families, but let the bad ones go undetected?

Anyhow, I called the CAS worker on my way to the office. She said that she was discussing our case with her supervisor. They agreed that my ex should not have any further access to the children until the investigation is complete. Big deal. I've been down this road before. Then I said, (OK actually, I muttered), something along the lines of "what are you guys waiting for? A black eye?" I didn't realize she heard me. But she did. She called me back 10 mins later and told me that her supervisor decided that they should contact the Victims Unit. In other words, the police.

So next, the police officer and the CAS went to my son's school to interview him, and to see his bruises. I can only imagine how humiliating it would have been for him to have been pulled out of class to speak to a cop and then to have to take his pants down for him. Poor child. I feel so bad for him. First the abuse, now insult to injury.

The officer left me a voicemail. He wants me to call him tomorrow morning. He said that he wants to talk about the children's safety and that perhaps the father should only have access to the kids if it is supervised by the CAS at a centre. I'll update this blog once I have that conversation tomorrow.

He Strikes Again

Tonight my ex had the children for a four hour unsupervised visit. Why is the four hour visit unsupervised? Because presumably, he can't really harm them in a four hour span. Well guess what? They were wrong.

The children came home tonight and reported that their father had spanked them again. The spanking laws in Canada are really hard to sift through, but at the end of the day, here is how I understand them:

• You cannot spank a child younger than 2 or older than 12
• You cannot spank hard enough to leave a mark
• You cannot spank a bare bottom
• You cannot spank while in a fit of rage

Tonight, the children told me that their father took my son's pants off to spank him. Not only was my son humiliated, but it hurt him a lot.

This breaks point #4. Let's hope the CAS agrees. I fully intend to call them and let them know.

I am totally disgusted. Why the law supports people like this, I will never know. They keep thinking about his rights to see his children. What about the children's rights to be safe? Doesn't that count?

Disclosed at Last

I have been waiting for the children to disclose something somewhere. It just hasn't been happening. This 3rd CAS visit did not honestly bring me much hope, as they have been very unhelpful so far and have only been hurting the situation more by closing files, implying that there are no concerns. I'm hearing that this time will now be different.

You see, my daughter disclosed information that she hasn't disclosed to a case worker so far. I think the key difference this time is that the worker did a second interview with the children, at their school, on Thursday. The previous intake workers would just interview the children, and close the file. I mean, seriously, what child would tell their life story to a complete stranger the first time they meet them? This worker took the time to get to know the children. She spent an hour just chatting and playing with them about school toys, etc on Monday, THEN went to the school on Thursday to ask them other questions. Smart.

Anyhow, here is what my daughter said. My son disclosed nothing. I don't blame him. He is terrified of his dad and very emotionally blackmailed by him. But the case worker did call me to tell me what she said:

• Dad tells us not to tell anyone anything
• I get blamed for everything if someone tells
• My brother will tell on me if I tell so I will get in trouble alone
• My dad is scared of us telling mom when he spanks us, so he makes sure we don't tell Mommy anything
• He spanks us all the time
• I don't like dad's apartment- It is small and always dirty
• My dad is so mean to us
• He hurts our feelings all the time
• One time he poured water on our heads as punishment
• You won't tell my daddy that I told you will you? If you do, he will kill us.
  
• Daddy is mad every second of the day
• Mommy is lots of fun and gives us lots of hugs and kisses
• Her house is big and clean
• She never spanks us
  

There aren't enough words to describe how I felt when I heard this. It was as if someone took my heart and ripped it to pieces and I was standing there watching the pieces fly away. When the CAS worker called me with the update on Thursday, I had to go in a conference room at work and just cry. I need this to end more than I need anything else right now.

My daughter is my new hero. Good for her for finding the courage to speak up. What a brave little girl.

Based on this, they said they will NOT be closing the file. It will be left open for ongoing service, meaning a permanent social worker for the next few months. That has so be good, right? I mean, this is what I had asked for all along. How sick that someone like me has to beg for the CAS to be involved. Very few parents in this world can say that they WANT the CAS to be having regular visits to their home. But here I am.

Next steps, they will interview doctors etc, and then contact my ex next week.

Keep your fingers crossed my friends.

In the meantime, we had our first assessment meeting. It went OK. The assessor says it will take until April to complete the assessment. I am really praying that April will mark the end of all this garbage.

CAS Visit #3

Yes. You read correctly. It never ends.

I just had another visit from the CAS. It turns out that the children's therapist called this one in. Apparently, at their last session, the children told the therapist that during their last visit with their dad, he was angry with the children and in a fit of rage, he picked up my son and threw him on the bed. This on it's own wouldn't have been so bad (in their books), except that he bounced off the bed from the force and banged his head on a night table. This constitutes inappropriate discipline.

My answer was simple. I have no issues with an investigation, I would be happy to sign any release forms that you require, however, please be aware that in the past, the CAS has only harmed us more. Their inability to do enough research has resulted in my children not being protected, and their father taking the position in court that "even the CAS has no issues, as they closed the case", but that I am the one who is acting like I know more than the CAS. The case worker understood and promised to do a more extensive research job this time through, and said she would do her best to protect the children. She also said she would leave the file open for 60 days this time.

Guys- pray for me. He will be enraged when he finds out they got involved. And I didn't have anything to do with it. Let's all pray that this time, the children will be better protected.

They will go on Thursday to speak to the children again at school. Let's see how that goes.

Sore Throat

Two days before going back to work and I get a sore throat. This sucks. I mean, if I come down with something, I can't exactly miss time from work after being off for two weeks. This throat has 24 hours to get better.

Oregano oil, here I come.

On another note, this has been a total drama week (again) with my ex. It doesn't end with him. Ever. He confronted me with a question around why I requested the rights to move to New York within my court documents. I told him the truth- that I've met someone, and that I would like the courts to decide if I can move. I figured it is no big deal telling him, as the assessment starts next week, and he would find out at that time anyhow. He of course, freaked out.

I have been getting constant drama calls about what a "shock" this has been for him, and how I am the love of his life. I mean, seriously- you got married, and divorced, but I can't even meet someone? I mean, this is just way too much.

He continues that he will move to New York if I want to move, that he will not leave his children, that he wants 50% access to his children. I told him that wouldn't happen. He insists we can work this out so we can settle out of court. I'm not sure how that is possible, since we don't agree on much of anything. But the calls are never ending. I am so emotionally drained, I need a vacation.

Today, I got a call from a professional mediator. Someone he met at the mosque. He wants the mediator to help us resolve the issues. The mediator said "I'm not necessarily trying to help you reconcile, but I do want to help you work together outside of courts". NECESSARILY? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? This is what I hate about the community- they always think that reconciliation is the answer. So I gave buddy my side of the story. Did you know he is bipolar? Did you know he refuses medication? Did you know he was abusive? Did you know he has abused the kids? I gave my entire story. At the end, the mediator told me that it might be better to stick with the courts. A MEDIATOR told me this. Too funny. Now tell me something I don't already know.

Anyhow, that is the two second version of the past 7 days of drama. I am so exhausted. No wonder I am starting to get sick. When you are stressed, your immune system goes down.

Back to the oregano oil.

My Grandmother's Stroke

My grandmother had a stroke on Thursday. I went to the hospital to visit her on Friday. When I got there, she was a bit better, but her speech was still slurred, and she was incoherent. Grandma is 84 years old.

It was sad to see her this way. We have never been really close. I grew up very distant from her. Children are very perceptive. When I was young, I was very aware of the "roles" of the Desi household. I wasn't particularly fond of her, because of the way she dominated over my mother. It's not that I didn't like her, I was just always indifferent, and not particularly close to her. I always visited her on special occasions, but never went out of my way to see her, mostly because we weren't as close as we could have been.

Since my divorce, I know she asks of me often. I've grown to like her more than I ever did before. But on Friday, at the hospital, my heart went out to her. In this bed, I saw a frail old lady. I admired her because even in her incoherent moment, she was trying to maintain her dignity. Her character is very strong, very independent, and yes, very classy. When I got married 15 years ago, everyone thought she was my father's YOUNGER sister. She has taken very good care of herself. But at 84, her age is now catching up to her. It was sad.

When she was discharged Friday night, I had to dress her. I could tell that she was mortified at the thought of having someone else dress her. I tried my best to keep her covered with the gown and the sheets and to not look directly at her. The conversation was so sad. She asked where she was. I told her she was in the hospital. She asked how she got there. I told her by ambulance. She asked where my aunt was. I told her at home. She asked why I was dressing her. I told her it was time to go home. She would protest "but I have clothes on". I would tell her she is wearing a hospital gown. Then she would say OK, I would put her arm through the shirt sleeve. By the time I got to the other arm, she asked me where she was again, and why I was changing her. So sad.

Once my mother and I had her dressed, I bent down to put on her socks and shoes. I felt her hand stroke my hair. I looked up at her. She stroked my face. And then she whispered a prayer for me. She had tears in her eyes. I told her not to worry, and not to thank me. She was going to be just fine.

When we got her home, it was the most touching thing of all. My 95 year old grandfather came to the door and stroked her cheek. He told her he missed her, that he is so happy she is home again, and asked her not to leave him again. He told her that he knows that they only have a short time left in this world together, but that he doesn't want to pass them without her. I was SO touched. I cannot imagine ever being loved like that, but I hope one day I find it. It was beautiful.

Tonight, I went again to visit my grandmother. I went with my family to her home to see how she was doing. When I got there, she held my hand. I sat down with her. She told me she was glad I came, and again she thanked me for taking care of her.

An hour of one on one care and she was so appreciative. I should be doing more for her on a regular basis. I am her granddaughter. I told her not to thank me. I haven't done enough. But I will. My uncle later told me that she didn't stop talking about the fact that I took care of her and dressed her, and tried to make her laugh in the hospital.

Imagine that- she remembered that I tried to make her laugh. And I only gave her a few hours of my time. How sad that I've let so many years pass. I missed so many opportunities to really spend time with her.

I'm so thankful that she made it through this, and thankful that I had an opportunity to see what I needed to see. That time is precious, and that even though life is busy, there are some things that we shouldn't avoid.

Like calling or visiting your 84 year old grandmother.

The Scratched Mirror

I have a mirror hanging on the wall in my kitchen. I purchased this mirror many years back, before the children were born, when my ex and I lived in the condo. I actually liked it when I bought it, and I still like the mirror.

Here is the thing. About two years after I bought the mirror, my ex was in one of his rants and threw something at the wall, hitting the mirror, and putting scratch across it. After that, I couldn't bear to look at the mirror.

When my ex and I moved to our new house together, I put the mirror in an obscure place. I just couldn't bear to look at it anymore. Every time I looked in the mirror, I saw the scratch, and it reminded me of the miserable life I was living. My ex was so temperamental, hardly anything lasted without getting damaged or broken. The mirror made me very sad.

When my marriage ended, I packed all my things into my parent's basement. My family helped me pack and move, and to be honest, I barely saw what was coming or going that day. The mirror was packed and moved with my things.

When I moved out of my parents' home one year later, into this home, the mirror was moved here (again by my family). I still did not realize that it was here until a couple of days later when I was unpacking my things. That was when I realized that the mirror had moved with me from my home with my ex, to my parents' home, and now here. I thought about it for a few minutes and decided to put the mirror up in my kitchen. I figured that I was the one who originally picked out the mirror, and I liked it at the time. When I moved here, money was tight, so I could keep the mirror until I could come up with enough money to replace it. I knew one of two things would happen- either I would grow to resent the mirror, in which case I would throw it out, or the scratch would remind me of the life I left behind.

I didn't expect option 3 to happen. As time passed, and this home brought me more and more happiness, I didn't see the scratch on the mirror. In fact, I had forgotten that it existed. Two and a half years have passed, and that mirror has been in the kitchen, and I never saw the scratch. I have either been too busy, or too content with my life to notice it.

Tonight, I was playing a board game with the children at the kitchen table. I looked up and saw the mirror, and noticed the scratch. Seeing the scratch took me back to when I bought the mirror, to the day when it got scratched, and how much I tried to keep it out of sight in the last home.

But most of all, the scratch made me REALLY aware of my freedom today. I mean, that day when he threw the keys against the wall and hit the mirror, I remember being silenced. You never speak when he is that angry. In fact, I would try not to even breathe or move. Silence was the only way to not get hit. Better the mirror than me is what I thought to myself.

But guess what- I haven't had to think like that for four years. Yes I have to make sure he isn't stalking me. But he can't hurt me anymore. And, he can't damage my property. That's pretty good progress isn't it?

Tonight I prayed. I am thankful for everything I have been given. Most of all, I am thankful that I will no longer have to worry about scratches forming on mirrors. I can now focus on more important things, like watching my babies grow up.

A few years from now, when the court case is over, I can actually be totally free. Free of scratches, free of bruises, free of stalking, and free of all of this headache. I will be able to be pseudo-normal. I look forward to that day.

In the meantime, that mirror will remain on my kitchen wall. If nothing else, the scratch inspires me to keep moving forward.

A Restful Day

I woke up at 1pm today. Seriously. I haven't done that in like, forever, like 10 years or something. It was heavenly. Then I chatted online with friends, had breakfast, and watched TV. I am loving the day to myself. The gym closes at 4pm, so I've pretty much missed that, but I don't mind. I've gone almost every day for the past few days, so one day off won't kill me. I do, however feel great now that I have gone back to the gym. My body responds quickly, so I can see the muscle toning coming back. Hooray or muscles!

Anyhow, the children come home at 8pm, so I have a few hours to rest and then I get to see my babies. I am so relaxed and happy today.

What an awesome start to a New Year.

Happy New Year!

And welcome to 2008. As I'm doing this entry, I am home alone, and it is New Year's Eve, and it is peaceful. I had plans for New Year's Eve with Mr. NYC, but he had to go on a last minute business trip. I spent the bulk of the evening with a close friend, and that was nice, and I came home in time to ring in the new year on my own. It's just me, my laptop, and my sparkling apple cider :)

It's funny- I can't help but have a bit of the "Deja Vu" feeling as I sit here and do this post. Last year, when I did my New Year's post, I thought that I had seen the end of most of the hard times, and I was almost certain that 2007 would be "My year". I guess I thought wrong.

Well, I've started a little tradition of looking at the year in review both good and bad. Here are the highlights of 2007:

• My ex got married and separated in a span of 4 months, subjecting my children to all his drama and crap
• He was abusive to his second wife, thereby increasing my concerns around his temperament
  
• He started abusing the children again, resulting in 2 CAS calls, and a full blown court assessment
• I've drained all my finances in court
• We had a re-org at work and I almost left the company as a result. Thankfully, I found a fantastic job internally and and happier than I was before (some silver lining- hooray!)
  
• My relationship with Mr. NYC continues (thank God for some stability)
• My children have started their therapy program
• My children are both in need of special help in school, mostly due to emotional issues

Clearly, 2007 was for the most part, another really bad year. I mean, 2006 was bad with Syd's death and everything else that happened with my ex and all the stalking, and I did have very high hopes for 2007, but things didn't quite go as I had hoped. But here is the good news:

• I haven't lost hope yet- I guess I'm human- I can't help but be hopeful!
  
• I do firmly believe that 2008 will be a better year. In fact, I think it will be my year of closure. This court case will have to come to an end in 2008, so some things will be better off for me, one way or another.
  
• Financially, I am a mess, but I am hoping to put a game plan into place to pay off my legal fees over the next few years.
• Mr. NYC is still in the picture. Thank God for him. He keeps me grounded.
  
• I have my health, and my children have theirs. The rest is all emotional, and we have each other.
• I have fantastic friends, and wonderful family.
• I am a survivor- I have survived the worst emotional crap that anyone can go through and by God's grace, my health is better than ever. Yes, I managed to pay attention to my health this year. Thank God I did that.

Happy New Year. Here is to a bright and happy 2008. Here is to hoping for closure at last...