The Will

Not to be a drama queen, but all of this recent crap has basically reminded me that I urgently need a will. I know, a single mom should have had a will a long time ago. Well I don't. Chalk a rare one up for my irresponsible side. So here I am, taking a cut at my will. I'll eventually try to go to a lawyer and do this right, but in the meantime, I downloaded a will kit for "Single Canadian mother with children". Good start since I don't have anything else at the moment.

My thoughts are the following- If God forbid something horrible were to happen to me, like say- my ex goes nuts and hunts me down with a shotgun, well- I'll be damned if I let him have the children. Screw the money (it's not like I have that) and screw the life insurance, but HELL NO, he ain't getting the kids. I've got enough friends across the city plugged in to fight that battle for me, but in the meantime, I'm putting it all in writing.

So there we have it- my first time doing a "last will and testament". I feel like I have things in order, to a degree. It's actually a bit reassuring. It's not done yet (the will I mean), but I'm hoping it will be by tomorrow night. Oh- ya- that and the fact that the executor doesn't know she's the executor yet :)

I guess I never really planned to die anytime soon. I know it's not the type of think you plan, but I guess I always thought "I'm 35, so the odds are that I have a little while to go". I know that isn't true- we never know when it's going to be our time, but I guess these past few days have made me very aware of the fact that it really could be anytime. I thought the odds were that I'd have a while- good health, good life, no issues. And then yesterday I realized- those odds have recently changed. The crap that I'm going through, and truthfully have been going through for 3 years put me in a totally different category. Think about it...the odds that a normal human with no health issues (OK except maybe some weight), would need to worry about dying at 35 are not that high. Add in a psycho ex husband (literally) who is completely obsessed with me, and blames me for all his problems, has a violent history and temper, and a history of unstable behavior and those odds have changed. The odds that this girl won't have to worry about dying until after she's 60, well I don't know. I think she would have to worry more in her 30's, while the stuff is fresh and the obsession is still high. Wow. I'm not sure how I ever missed that...

I have my RMT to thank for the wake up call. Yesterday, surprisingly of all places, as I was getting a massage and talking to my RMT (shut up- yes I sometimes talk)- I was told "OH GOD you REALLY need a will". And then it hit me. I do need a will. Like now. Especially now.

That's another thing off the "to do" list.