His Obsession

That's what it feels like anyways. It's crazy how my life turned out. I sometimes wonder what I did to deserve this, and then I think, it's not that I deserve it, it's that we were all given different strengths and different tests in life. For me, this will be mine. Mr. NYC often reminds me to be more grateful. He says that as hard as it is sometimes, I need to look at what I have. He says "What happened to that girl that I met who looks at the silver lining? Come on Shaz- your community and friends supported you (including most of your ex's friends), your children adore you, your career is going well, and you have someone in your life who loves you. What more could you want? Would you rather be given the test of a fatal health problem? Please don't be ungrateful."

Maybe he's right, but it's still hard.

So here is the latest...

• My ex and his wife are separated (I know...I'm not surprised either, he is what he is, right?)
• He has basically told people that he does not intend to let me be happy or to move on with my life- I can NEVER move away from this area, get married, date, etc.
  
• Instead of focusing on her he is focused on me and the kids
• He's more obsessed with me than ever
• He is trying to get custody of the kids
• I know people who have very damning evidence. Now I just need them to be willing to share. Otherwise, he gets off and my kids get hurt. You know I'm right- they aren't safe around him. I left because he choked my son for refusing to eat dinner remember? I've started documenting stuff, but I need the world to help me tell the story, that he is a consistently psychotic person. I need everyone's help. And, we need to share it with other women, so they don't make my mistakes, and so the system doesn't make it worse for them like it did to me.
  
• I am taking a different route to work everyday to cover my tracks
• I've informed the kids' schools to stay on high alert and to contact the police if they see him

It's so weird. I keep wondering why he is so obsessed. Why can't he just move on and forget about me forever? Why is he tied to me like this? I just want to be happy and free. I left for a reason...and I'm still waiting for the freedom. It's sad. And this from a woman who has resources, friends, family, a job. What if I were earning 20k and new to the country with no family or friends? What then?

The scary thing is- there are so many people who have witnessed his craziness, so many who have seen it first hand. So many who have heard him threaten to do me harm, but none who are brave enough to come forward. What's up with that?

At the end of the day, I think the biggest disappointment I have is with some of the males around me, who are too cowardly to step forward and help me out of fear that they will suffer his backlash. I mean, I had a girlfriend who needed an affidavit about her marriage/ex, and I did it in a heartbeat. And I'm a single mom. If I don't fear backlash, what's wrong with these guys? How disappointing. How disgusting. How pathetic.

I think some of the women I have come to know have more strength and integrity of character than many of their male counterparts. Just an observation. I'm not implying that there aren't great guys out there, just that my experience has been when the chips fall, many of them run and hide.