The Wedding

Well, my children went to the wedding yesterday. I have some friends that are therapists and they gave me some tips on what to do. I did the following:

1. Told my former brother in law to supervise the visit VERY strictly, but to pre-empt things by pulling his mom aside and asking her to stay away from my children for the evening, to avoid further stress and possible issues for herself should I decide to escalate the matter
2. My brother in law was going to the wedding late anyhow, so the children were dropped at his house by 8:40pm and they were going to reach the reception at 9pm (don't laugh guys, it's a Pak wedding, they always start and end late....my office friend can vouch for that...she came to my sisters wedding on time and was the first one there) :)
3. I told my brother in law not to tell anyone that the children would leave early, but that I would meet him at a coffee shop about 5 minutes away around 2 and a half hours later. The children would spend a short time at the wedding

This was the only way I could think of protecting my kids. They REALLY wanted to go to the reception, so if I kept them home, they would have been upset, and my son would have felt punished for telling me the truth. I felt that this was the better approach.

At 11:30 I got my children from my brother in law. The children had fun, nobody bothered them, and I felt like I had done my best as a mother. After packing the kids in the car, I turned to my brother in law and thanked him. I acknowledged the awkwardness about the situation, and he agreed. Then he hugged me and told me I would always be his little sister. I thanked him and told him I was relieved, because he was always a great brother.

I can't blog everything, but over the years, my brother in law has been there for me in many different ways. He's always helped me deal with my ex in laws, my ex, and all the drama. He's one of those fair people, and he has never been biased towards his brother. Then again, in the 11 years that we were married, they never got along, not even for a day. Perhaps that's why I've been able to trust them all along.

So one of my friends said that I should call CAS on Monday and file another report about my mother in law. I actually was going to do it, but then I spoke to my sister in law this morning. She said that the mother in law was freaking out when she found out that my son had told me. The problem is, my former father in law has a bad temper, and was abusive towards her many years ago, and still from time to time. Many of us told her to leave him, but as the typical "dutiful" Pakistani woman, she wouldn't hear of it, and she still won't. My issue is that my sister in law is afraid that if I make the call, the father in law might freak on the mother in law, and we don't know where that will leave things. With his violent history, she might be subject to more abuse.

I hate this. As someone who has been through an abusive marriage, I cannot contribute to another woman going through it. As a mother, I cannot tolerate my children suffering emotional abuse. I'm wondering if the warning was enough. I mean, as it is, the children were only seeing her about 5 times a year. I could always call the brother in law again and tell him to tell her that if I ever hear about this again, I will make the call, regardless of consequences. This is her warning. I can offer mercy once in this case, but not more than that.

I'm not sure. This is all so messed up. Pakistani families are a friggin circus.

The main point is that my kids are safe...