Safe and Sound...So Far

I'm doing fine so far. I went to my doctor's office yesterday before going anywhere else. I was hoping that perhaps my son would open up again, but he's onto the story now. I think he knows that his dad is going to be in some trouble for the things he has opened up about. When it was time for him to speak to the doctor, he admitted being scared, but when he tried to approach the topic of physical abuse again, my son basically denied everything he said the first time. He's obviously scared, and a bit guilty for what has already been said. At the end of the day, he loves his dad, and wouldn't want to damage that relationship, or get his father in any trouble.

My visit with the doctor was overall disappointing. He did the best he could, but my son's failure to open up, and the fact that he was starting to backpedal was not a good sign. My doctor basically told me that unfortunately, while I might get away with restricting access this weekend, I won't be able to keep it up for any length of time, since I do not have the full support of the CAS. Let's hope my ex messed up the CAS visit. It is unlikely though, especially given the fact that he is the master of first impressions. We are, after all, talking about a guy who has a history of job losses and not holding down employment. His longest record is 10 months on a job, his shortest is 2. Getting back to the point about first impressions, he can dazzle people at the interview and land amazing jobs, but sooner or later, his real personality kicks in and it all falls apart. With respect to the CAS, I wouldn't be surprised if he were able to dazzle them. Unfortunately, as time passes, he will do something to the kids again, and I'll have to pick up the pieces all over again. Let's hope the case worker is successful in convincing him to agree to therapy, or that she somehow managed to say something so inflammatory that he lost his cool.

After I left the doctor's office, I called my ex's lawyer to make sure that he received my email. He confirmed that he did, and that he forwarded it to my ex husband. I asked if he could call him and ensure that he did receive it "for the sake of my personal safety" and he confirmed that he would. I went on to say, that given the circumstances, I trust he will do what he can to ensure that this doesn't turn into a problem for me, as I'm acting in the children's best interests, and he said "Right, I understand. I'll take care of it". That made me feel much more comfortable. I didn't seem to get any resistance from the lawyer, which to me meant that he agreed with my decision (or at least wouldn't be disputing it), and that he would do what he could to make sure that I am physically safe. My email was also pretty firm (see below):

Mr xxxx:

Our court order of December 13, 2004 clearly states that the children primarily reside with their mother, and that their father "shall have the children in his care, at times agreed upon by the parties from time to time and is in the best interests of the children".

I have come to understand that there is currently a Children's Aid Society investigation underway with respect to yyyy's interaction with the children. Given this information, I do not feel that it would be safe for the children to see their father this weekend,and I am exercising my right to act in the best interests of my children.

Accordingly, I am not agreeable to yyyy having access to the children this weekend, until these issues have been resolved, and the CAS investigation is complete. I believe that I am acting in the best interests of my children by restricting yyyyy's access until the CAS investigation is complete and the file has been closed.

Please also advise yyyyy that he is not to harass me, or to show up at my property. If he wishes to resolve this issue, he can do so through yourself, or via email, but he may not come to my home. Any attempt to do so will be considered trespassing, and I will contact the authorities.

Please advise your client accordingly.

After that, I went to drop by a friend's place (unexpected, and with no notice- God bless her for not even blinking and taking me in!), and visited my sister for a couple of hours. I stayed over here at my friend's place (the same one I unexpectedly dropped in on), and I'll be staying with another friend tonight. My friends are better than gold. I spoke to one of my friends yesterday, and thanked her for taking me in (I'll be there tonight) and she reassured me that this is when friends are the most important and that she's happy to do it, because she loves me and the children. Like I said, my friends rock.

Interestingly enough, I haven't heard boo from my ex. No emails, no text messages, no voice mails. I guess his lawyer gave him a stern warning. The funny thing with my ex though is that silence from him is never a good thing. You always have to wonder what's lurking when he's angry. I mean, he was infuriated when I refused his telephone call, so I can't imagine that he's OK with my restricting his access. Either way, time will tell, I suppose. My girlfriend and I spoke about his silence and we agree that it means one of three things:

1. His lawyer has given him a stern warning to behave himself this weekend
2. The CAS had a few words for him and freaked the heck out of him
3. He is seething and plotting against me

For whatever reason, my gut thinks that at the moment, it's a combination of #1 and #2. #3, in my opinion, will start in a couple of days, once he gets a handle on the fact that I may have been the one who put in the initial CAS call. Then all hell will break loose.

I guess the one unsafe time for me will be Sunday night. I think I'll go home, get my stuff on Sunday, and then stay at my parents' home (they are out of town, but my brother and sis in law also live there), so I'll be somewhat protected there. My brother has reassured me that if my ex shows up, he will contact the police. He's a very soft spoken, non confrontational person, so I was concerned that he wouldn't be able to do it (hey, look who his sister is. If I was never able to, I can't exactly slight him for it, now can I)? Anyhow, a quick call from my sister might have been what convinced him. Either way, I do think I'm safe until Monday, and I think the security measures that I have in place at the school should keep me protected as far as the children are concerned.

I checked my email throughout the night, and I still haven't received anything from him. Interestingly enough, I received one from his new wife. It took me a second to figure out who it was, and it basically said that she wanted to know if I could meet her for lunch this upcoming week. Hmmmmm.

As an aside, last night was actually fun. It was probably the first mentally relaxing time I've had in a long time. This particular girlfriend and I have been trying to get together forever just to chat. We never get the time. Last night, we had our pajama party and sat up talking till 4am. It doesn't help the ongoing sleep deprivation problem, but it was really good for me mentally, because we talked about everything BUT my ex. I've been awake since 7am (thanks kids!), so I will be a zombie today. But imagine that, I actually enjoyed last night. I fully expected to spend it in fear, but there was no fear. I felt safe, protected, and actually enjoyed myself. Little blessings during the storm.

One more thing. I got an email from a very good friend yesterday. Apparently, my ex called her home on Thursday night, asking if she knew where I was. I guess the two missed telephone calls tipped him off to the fact that something was wrong, even before the CAS called him. Interesting. That would explain the many hang ups on my office answering machine. My fault, but in the scurry of the week, I wasn't exactly diligent in updating my office voice mail. If he called there to check up on me, he could have figured out that I wasn't in this week. Mental note for next time, even when you are in a tough situation, keep the voice mail up to date for your own protection.

I have a few other protection mechanisms in place this weekend, thanks to the help of many friends around town. I think I'll be fine this weekend. Thank God for my friends. Friends are the family you choose.