Meeting with the Lawyer

Well, I met with my new lawyer today. It has been a very draining week. I can't believe I missed an ENTIRE week of work. I tried to work in between stuff, but it's been sporadic. My life is seriously messed up. I feel like one of those back alley hick town losers with a freako ex husband. You know- the kind everyone looks at and wonders what the heck is wrong with them? Yet- I'm not sure what I do to keep finding myself in this position, over and over and over again. It's like a really bad nightmare that just won't go away.

The lawyer was nice. I think she's going to be good to work with. She seems to really know her stuff. The one problem is, the CAS backup is well, not where I need it to be. I spoke to CAS today, and she basically said that she doesn't have the authority to stop access for my ex. I'm still stunned. How is it that our child protection agency doesn't have the authority to protect our children? What the hell good are they anyways? She's basically told me that she will coerce him into allowing therapy, but that the custody and access part is up to the courts, and up to me to initiate, so basically, it's up to me if I want to send the children to him or not. For crap's sake, talk about a precarious situation. So now, because I contacted the CAS, I'm in an even crappier situation. If I had just listened, kept my mouth shut, acted like I didn't think much of his breakdown or revelation, then I would be safer, and I could build a case in the background. Oh wait, actually no, the courts would say if I was concerned for the safety of my kids I should have contacted CAS. Nice one. Now I'm screwed either way.

So here's where I sit boys and girls- CAS won't help much. They will document their findings which will help with the courts a bit (if even), but in the meantime, he has the right to see his kids. I cannot and will not send them, so he has the right to come after me through the courts. And he will. Actually, he will come after me alot sooner than that, and we all know it. I wonder how the CAS will feel when he successfully comes after me with a baseball bat. I hope they'll feel that they did their job when that happens. Yes I'm bitter. Very bitter. Leave me alone.

Anyhow, my lawyer says no access to the kids. So, I've sent a letter to the children's school with a copy of our court order. Fortunately, our court order is very vague, and it says that we both have joint custody of the children, that the children reside with their mother, and that the father has access to the children from time to time as agreed upon by both parties in the best interests of the children. Very very vague. My ex and I have been following our documented and signed child access agreement which agrees to his visitation every other weekend. But here is the kicker. My lawyer says the court order over-rides the agreement. So the agreement that we have both been following is actually null and void. Anyhow, the letter that I've sent both schools basically says that since we both have to agree to his access, effective immediately and until further notice, I do NOT authorize any visitation or access to the children, so my ex is NOT authorized to take the children from school, as there is a CAS investigation, and I fear for the children's safety. If he shows up, they are to contact the police. He's going to be LIVID when he finds out that I did this to him.

There is still the precedent that he does get to see the kids every other weekend. My lawyer says that the court order clearly states he sees them when it is in their best interests, and it's clearly not. End of story.

Well sort of. Until he finds out I made a unilateral decision, gets pissed, and comes after me.

So tomorrow, at noon, I am to pack the kids in the car, and send an email to my ex's lawyer stating that I do not authorize any visitation this weekend, on the grounds that he has not been acting in their best interests on the issue of therapy, and that there will be no further visits until he agrees to therapy. Of course, that's not the real issue, but it's not like I'm going to tip him off about a CAS visit right? By Monday, he will know that the CAS is coming, and so he will have a clearer picture of what's going on.

But, that still leaves the issue of Sunday night. Yes, I'll be safe on the weekend, but what happens on Sunday night when I try to come home? My lawyer says if he shows up, call the police. Easier said than done.

See, I've NEVER called the police on him. Never. Not the hundreds of times that he hit me, not when he threatened to kill me, not when he stalked my property, not when he kept the children. I'm still afraid of him. Sad but true. Now I have to call the police to protect myself. To be honest, the lack of help from the CAS has me seriously afraid of the system. They can't help me. Nobody can. Not even the courts.

See, even if I were to go to court in April (our new court date), and even if I am granted sole custody and he has visitation, he will get angrier and angrier. Then one scary day, he will explode as he always does. He will either come after me, or take it out on the kids. Then it will be too late. People will look back and say there should have been something more in place for us, but there isn't.

No I'm not being a drama queen. I'm scared. I know what I'm getting into. I almost regret calling the CAS. It's only made things worse. It's only going to piss him off more. I'm dreading this weekend. No, actually, I'm dreading coming home on Sunday night. I'm dreading going to work on Monday morning since I know he will be attempting to go to the children's school. I'm dreading this whole thing. I mean, if it goes my way, he will screw up will CAS, lose the court case, be forced back on his meds, and will have to leave me alone. That's the best case scenario. If it doesn't go my way, things stay status quo where the children are concerned, and he is out on a vengeance against me. Quite the gamble don't you think?