Oprah's Show on Domestic Violence

If you go back to a man that hits you, it is because you don't think you are worthy of being with a man who won't. If you are raised to really love yourself and think you are a wonderful person, somebody hitting you is really offensive to you.

-Oprah Winfrey

It was an interesting show. She talked about some of the key signs to look for:

• Guys who are nicer to you in public than when you are in private (the world thinks he is great, but you know he is not)
• When you get paranoid that he will love someone else
• When you are blamed for all his problems
• When he has a super nice side and a super dark side (they are never 100% bad 100% of the time)
• If your partner vets who you can hang out with and who you can spend time with
• Threats "if you REALLY loved me you would have done xyz"
• Making you feel guilty for everything
• Insisting on sex all of the time
• Reading your text messages

But you know, all these signs aren't always there. I think the key is that something has to feel wrong. If you know you can't talk about it with your family/friends, it's wrong.

And you know, the bigger issue is that there is so much judgment around domestic violence, even towards the one being abused. The abuser is seen as a jerk. So if you are hoping that you will work things out, you won't tell others because he will be tainted for life. The one being abused is seen as pathetic, with no self respect.

All around, it's a rough spot to be in. In my opinion, you need to be confident about a few things when you leave:

1. He won't get better on his own
2. He will hit you again
3. This is unacceptable to you
4. Your safety comes first, not matter what it costs.

When a woman realizes these things, she will be better prepared to face the battle when she leaves. And yes, it is always a battle...