Male/Female Relationships

I have a lot of male friends, and so I've had the luxury of observing men for a long time. I've learned a few things that are almost always true of just about every guy I have ever known.

1. Men are always drawn to the most beautiful girl in the room. They might say "looks are not important, personality matters more", but at the end of the day, the sexier the girl, the more they are drawn to her. It's harsh, but it's true, because men are superficial for the most part.
   
2. You will have to give up your guy friends one day- Guys will get really excited when they start dating, and they will lose sight of the world around them. Trust me on this, I've known a lot of men, and over time, this has always been the case. When they need you, you're their best friend. But best friends are replaceable so easily, especially when there is another girl in the picture. Single men make awesome friends. The best ever. But guys in relationships are not the best of friends, unless their current relationship is a well established one, like it's been around for years. With single male friends, you ultimately have be prepared to step aside for a few years when they meet someone. And then, one day, when (or if) they need you again, they will come back to you and tell you how much they missed you, what a great girl you are, and how you their best friend ever. So, the problem with male friends is that their friendships are not the ones that can last a lifetime. No girlfriend will share her guy and no female friend will ever be worth holding on to. So you have to be fully prepared to give them up one day. A male can very seldomly be a female's lifelong friend. Men can be friends with females for periods of time, but that's pretty much it.
   
3. The girls they marry are often different than the ones they date. Now I don't know why this is true, but it is 100% true. It's like they can date a girl for a pretty face, or to fool around, or as an arm trophy, but when they marry, it's a different kind of girl. As a woman, you have to ask yourself which girl you are, and which girl you want to be. No judgments, because marriage etc is not for everyone. In my experience, the way your male friends treat you will tell you which girl you are. If they think you are a flirt, you will find out. If they think of you as respectable, you will find that out too. Just observe their behavior. It's very telling, and a good learning.

Really, my experience in life, and I'm coming to a real turning point I think, is that men and women cannot really be close friends. See, something always goes wrong. Either her presence around too many men will scare off potential dates, or feelings will develop between her and one of her male friends, or she will be seen by the world as one big gigantic boy toy and the world will fail to take her seriously.

So the problem is, what happens if you're one of those girls who just doesn't fare all that well with female friends? Females are, by nature, very catty, manipulative, competitive and often times they are not sincere. Now I'm not saying ALL women are like this, but I have seen many in my day. I personally, have been one of those girls who fared better with male friends than female friends. I do have a handful of the best female friends that this world has to offer, but I also have double that number in male friends.

My personal issue is that my male friends either scare away the guys who would otherwise be interested in me, or their presence sometimes makes the world think I'm just a flirt, or they meet someone, get self absorbed, and I kicked to the side. While I should see this coming, historically, I have not, and so I get a shock each and every time it happens. DUH! The mature thing to do is to accept this as part of life. After all, nobody has twisted my arm into keeping these friends. These were my choices, and so the consequences are mine to bear.

So how does a girl reconcile these issues? One thought I had recently was gay men. I have a few gay friends. Those relationships are deliciously between female friends and male friends. You get the shopping buddy you get in a girl, the compliments you get with a guy and no competition, no cattiness, etc. A nice balance indeed. And here's the good news- they will never hit on you. It's a 100% safe relationship!

I'll stop my rant. This new year has been a massive year of change for me, especially where friends are concerned. I learned some "truths" about many friends I was not expecting to learn, but for the most part, I think the learning has been good for me. I've learned about 5 sets of friends and the lessons have, for the most part, been good for me.

My horoscope said that this was going to be my year of personal learning, and self development. I would say my horoscope for the year was right.