Did you ever watch the Flintstones when you were little? Ever see the episode with the good angel on one shoulder and the bad angel/devil on the other? They are both talking to each other, and to Fred Flintstone, each trying to win their argument. We all have those voices...mine cracked me up this Ramadan. Actually, they scared me a bit, and then cracked me up. And, if you're one of those people who doesn't have the two thoughts running in your mind, you should NOT be reading this...
Good Angel- It's Ramadan. Fasting for 30 days. It's the holy month. Hooray!
Devil- Thank God it's that time of the month. No fasting for a few more days. Hooray!
Good Angel- That's just wrong of you. That is not the Ramadan spirit.
Devil- Oh come on. You know how cranky I get when I'm hungry. Everyone around me will want Ramadan to end so I can be normal again. That's how moody I get.
Good Angel- well then maybe you should learn how NOT to be so cranky
Devil- Ya right, this is how I am when I'm hungry. Leave me alone. Why should I fast anyways? Isn't prayer like a more important commandment than fasting? Arguably, I should try to adhere to regular prayers first. (In Islam, the five pillars (in order) are:
(1) Belief in God and his message
(2) prayer 5 times a day
(3) zakah (charity)
(4) fasting in Ramadan
(5) Hajj (pilgrimage to Mecca).
So, If I do all of one, but skip #2 on a regular basis, what's the point of bothering with #4?
Good Angel- How dare you! You should try to do all of them. And, you have managed to keep to #4 your whole life. Why would you give it up now? I'm ashamed of you. Instead of giving up #4, why don't you just commit to starting #2? You will not give up fasting in Ramadan. At least you have ONE consistent deed in your life...
Devil- Yeah, but it's not the BEST of them....
Good Angel- what would your mother say?
Devil- I'm not fasting for her. I'm fasting for God.
Good Angel- Exactly. How dare you. You WILL fast, and you WILL pray this Ramadan.
Devil- why should I?
Good Angel- Because if you don't, your children never will.
Devil- point taken. I'll fast and pray.
Sigh. I scare myself. I don't think it's like I could ever NOT fast in Ramadan, but sometimes you almost stop and say "what am I doing this for again?" Sometimes we do things for the wrong reasons. I guess it's always OK to check in once in awhile and make sure you're doing things for the right reasons...
For example, my confusion with religion, and my decision to give up the hijab. I know it was the right decision for me. The hijab just wasn't for me. But at the time, I gave it up for the wrong reasons. I gave it up because of my husband's actions. I felt like I was being this great religious woman, and God had given me this horrible excuse of a husband. I would cover myself up and he would do the things that he did. He would womanize, he would be abusive, and I would sit at home praying with my head all wrapped up like that. It was too much for me to bear. I was angry at God and felt cheated. I felt like "I can be one of those beautiful women. Why do I cover up when it only leads to him doing those things?". I took off the scarf. I felt better about myself. Then I realized that I could do better than him. That he wasn't everything for me, and that he was the one that wronged me. And I left. Freedom. I realized that religion wasn't the cause of my problem, but that it was part of what had made me feel even more bitter and trapped at the time.
Now, years later, I'm glad I don't wear the hijab anymore. I'm also glad that I left that horrible marriage. But at the same time, I'm also glad that I didn't entirely lose my faith. It did take quite a beating, but I am happy to stay that it is still on track. Clearly, that "good angel" on my shoulder has stopped me from totally slipping away from my faith.
So yes, I will, as always, be fasting this Ramadan. And I'll be praying too. Who knows- this might be the year that I manage to keep some of those prayers in my daily routine, even after Ramadan ends.
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