What Would you Say to Your 20 Year Old Self?

This is a really interesting question. I was reading the Oprah Magazine (yes, I am an Oprah Winfrey fan). In the last issue, she asked women to write down what advice they would give to themselves, if they could write a note to their 20 year old self. This got me thinking. What would I say? What advise would I give?

Admittedly, the past 14 years or so have been incredibly draining. If I would ask myself would I do it all again, the answer is no, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But then again, there are many things that happened along the way that I am incredibly grateful for, things that have made me who I am today. And for the record, I like the person that I am. I know that may seem arrogant, but I don't mean it in an arrogant way. I actually have a clear conscience and I know that I have always done my very best. There is some peace in that, and I like that I've stuck to my principles all along.

So, to my 20 year old self, I think I would say the following; some are obvious, and some may not be obvious. Some are things I've learned over time, and others I should have known all along:

-never ever let anyone hurt you physically. It is not acceptable, and if you tolerate it, you teach others that it's ok
-Staying in a bad marriage is not an honourable thing to do. There is no "marriage cookie" at the end of the game. It's not a sign of strength, it's a sign of someone who is not capable of taking care of herself
-Allow yourself to be human. We all make mistakes. Mistakes are not bad, as long as we learn from them. Don't beat yourself up over little things
-Admitting that you don't know something/don't understand something is not a sign of stupidity. It's a sign of confidence (it took me a really long time to learn this one)
-Our inner voices are very strong, and have a lot of control over how we think and feel. Never allow that voice to get too negative.
-Marrying someone for "love" alone is not enough. There are other factors- trust, compatibility, temperament, outlook on life. All of these matter equally as much as love. And for the record, just because you love someone, it doesn't mean that they love you back
-You will know someone really loves you when you know with confidence that they would do anything to protect you, and when you know you can trust them. Never settle for anything less than that
-Religion is not about rituals. If you are hung up on rituals, you don't get it.

Wow....Little learnings. They seem so obvious. I think my 20 year old self should have known these things, but she didn't. My 34 year old self knows them, but it took all of my experiences to teach me these things. I wonder who I would have been had I not taken the path I took? Would I have been better off, or am I better off today? Isn't that a funny question? I actually think the things I like about myself came to me as a result of some of the bad experiences I had in marriage etc. Life is funny. There is always silver lining.