I had a conversation about trust with a friend last night. It was actually an interesting conversation. I learned something about trust. For me, trust has always been around things like maintaining eachother's confidence, never lying to eachother, and on a personal note, knowing that the other person wouldn't hurt you physically.
My friend pointed out another kind of trust that I've taken for granted all these years. It's an emotional trust around how information is used. If I tell you something very personal about myself, I am trusting that you would never use that information against me when it becomes useful to you. For example, if I tell you that I am insecure about something, I am trusting that you wouldn't use that insecurity to your advantage say, in an argument or something. I've never thought of this one before, but it's true...And to be honest, I think people hurt eachother on this level more often than they should.
Try counting how many people around you have NOT done this to you at one point or another. So far, in my life, I can only think of three people. One is a dear friend from the office, and two are friends that I made more recently, within the past year, (so in honesty, this could change in time). It's funny because it happens so often we almost come to accept it as the norm, but it shouldn't be.
I'm actually not complaining, just reflecting. Given my experiences over the past 15 years or so, I'm trying to see what I need to look for in life to make sure that I'm as "safe" emotionally and physically as I need to be, and that I'm ensuring that those around me feel equally as "safe" with me as I do with them. Emotional "safety" is such a luxury these days, because it's so hard to find.
I'm going to add this form of trust to my list. I thank my friend for the valuable discussion. Hopefully, I'll live up to this standard for those around me. Only then will I be worthy of expecting it from others.
2 comments:
Three isn't a bad number. There are only two people in the world who I trust completely and implicitly (by which I mean they would gladly put my interests and safety before their own): my wife and my father. There are also very, very few people who I actively distrust (that is, who I assume will screw me given half a chance). I just assume everyone else is on a scale of indifference; they're not actively trying to hurt me, but under the right cirumstances they'd put their own interests before mine. Which is, of course, human nature and so perfectly understandable.
True. When I said there are 3 people that I trust, I didn't mean complete trust in all the areas I mentioned. I think I meant in this specific area- meaning that they won't use the things I say today against me at a later date.
As for complete 100% trust, I can honestly say that I'm not sure if there is anyone in the world who has earned that from me on all fronts. In an ideal world, we should all be able to say that our spouse is the one person in our life who has earned our complete trust, but I haven't had that luxury. Just to qualify, no, I am not bitter. In fact, I think I am hopeful. Hopeful that I will still have the opportunity to find that kind of trust. Hope is a good thing. I'm holding onto it.
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