The Engagement Party

I went to an engagement party today with the children. It's been a very long while since I've seen all these people in one room at once. I mean ALL of them. I think that the last time I saw this Desi crowd in totality was at my sister's wedding. I mean, WOW. Desi people are the same no matter where you go. They just don't change.

I think the one thing I noticed today that I didn't notice before was the division. These were once my family's close friends. Once. Almost about 4 years ago. At the time of my sisters wedding. That was also the same time as my separation.

Shortly after my sister got married, she moved to Kuwait for a year. My divorce situation intensified and I became the talk of the gossip-mongering Desi town. I hated these people. All of them. I never liked the crowd, even while growing up. Too much pressure, too much backbiting, too much of the fake friendships. I always wanted out of this community.

When I first separated, my dad couldn't handle the things that were being said about me, and he couldn't handle the fact that his friends were amongst the people talking. Just remember boys and girls, a good Desi girl NEVER leaves her husband. Abuse is common and often tolerated. I left him. They knew it. Rumors spread all over the place. My dad confronted his friends. He told them they were no longer friends. Many friendships ended, partially because of how upset my dad was, and how badly he told people off.

Today, as I sat in the room and looked around, I was very aware of the divisions. I knew which people I was to greet and which ones to stay away from. There were tables of friends that once sat with my mom and dad who no longer did today. Those were the tables I avoided. There were other tables with friends gathered around my parents. It made me sad. My parents did suffer the impact of my divorce. True, my dad could have handled people differently, but at the end of the day, my divorce has cost my parents certain friendships. Nobody ever voiced it. My parents never said it, my siblings never said it. But today, I realized it.

I saw another lady today. She was a cute older lady who I absolutely adored. I haven't seen her in years. Many years, well before the divorce. In fact, today, I realized it was well before I had the kids. I realized it when she greeted me and said "What happened? You've put on weight!" (typical Desi conversation). I was puzzled at first. I said, "No, I've lost 30 lbs" then she looked puzzled. I then realized that she last saw me BEFORE I was pregnant with my son. That was over 8 years ago. I smiled and told her "You're right, I HAVE put on weight". (I have about 20 lbs left to lose to get back to that weight). Truthfully though, I'd settle for just another 10lbs. Anyhow, if anyone else had made that comment, I would have drop kicked them. This little old lady meant me to harm. She's just a very direct personality, but I know how much she always loved me, so I didn't take it badly at all.

Anyhow, I realized tonight why I don't go to these events. Most of these people are not friends. These are the people who stress me out. There are pockets of friends like the adorable little old lady who wishes only well, but other than that, these were mostly the judgmental, fake people that I saw today. I have no patience left for this.

I think I should go 8 years before seeing these people again. As for the little old lady, I would have tea with her any day. :)

Mental note....If I should ever decide to marry again, I'm NOT having a wedding. I'm doing vows at home, and having my own party where I greet my guests at the door and invite only the ones I want there and I get to tell the rest to take a hike. And I don't have to act shy and keep my head down. Nor do I have to wear a God awful sparkly duppata (headscarf) that weighs more than a bag of cement. Oh ya, and the guest list will be less Desi and more....not Desi.

That's IF I ever decide to marry again. Big IF.