Court Date #3

Yesterday was our third court date. I had spent most of the weekend trying to forget about it. By the end of the weekend I actually did manage to forget it. On Monday a friend mentioned something about being "ready for tomorrow" and it took me a couple of seconds to remember that I did indeed have court coming up. By Monday evening, the stress had built up again, and I don't think I slept much on Monday night. That is how it goes I guess. I always work myself into a knot the day before. At least this time, I had managed not to ruin the entire weekend beforehand stressing it out.

On Tuesday morning, I was a total mess. I had taken the day off work, so I went to the gym in the morning, and then came home to shower and change before leaving. I even prayed, which is different for me, as my prayers have been almost non existent lately. I didn't pray to win a case or anything like that, I mean that would be almost too selfish an act. I prayed for peace. I prayed that the best outcome for all parties (especially the children) happen, whatever that might be. And I did get some peace. Afterwards, I felt satisfied that sometimes on the surface, something may look like the biggest disaster; but that when all is said and done, the outcome can often be better in the long term than I can imagine. I felt better. I know that overall, things are easier, and that many things that felt unthinkable- such as going through a divorce, can actually be a blessing when the dust settles.

Overall it went OK. I can't say that I got everything I wanted, and my ex did not get everything he wanted, but I can honestly say that I have a lot of respect for this judge and that she was very fair. Here is an overview:

• We go back in the end of March, mostly to set the next court date- even one of our lawyers can attend that day- we are aiming for a May/June court date
• The assessment over the next few months (which starts in Jan) will be the large deciding factor on who gets custody
• We clearly defined access times for Eid, our son's birthday, Christmas break, March break, weekends, and any other access times. This will eliminate the confusion/arguing as well as the constant back and forth with lawyers. Even pick up/drop off times and locations have been decided
  
• I did get a small slap on the wrist. I was told that I was treating a joint custodial arrangement like it was sole custody and it isn't. I explained that I was protecting my kids. The judge said she doesn't deny that they needed protection, but that I should have come to court over a year and a half ago before taking matters into my own hands and cutting his access to the kids
• Accordingly, she has granted him mid week access on Wed nights, for a period that may not exceed 4 hours. Minimizing the access reduces the changes that he will lose his temper and freak out on the kids. I think that's a fair assessment. Well, I hope it is. I mean, it does MINIMIZE the risks. It just doesn't ELIMINATE them.
  
• Any other visits (i.e. weekends)- have to be fully supervised.
• His weekend visits are allowed to go until 7pm, which is the standard for access weekends for the non primary care parent. Basically what she has done is given him back his time as a parent, so he doesn't lose time with the children, but at the same time, she has put enough checks and balances in place that he has to be guarded and the children will be safe.
• I can still travel with the children without his permission

Like I said, it isn't ideal, but I do see where she is coming from. I can't say that she wasn't fair. She found a healthy balance that both parties could live with until the assessment is complete. I guess that is why she is the judge.

If nothing else, I do have respect for her.