No seriously. I'm dead serious. I was talking to a male friend last night, and I felt like he didn't feel any emotion on a certain topic. That got me thinking...I don't think I've ever met a man who was truly comfortable crying.
In the 13 years (including the 2 year separation) that I was married to my ex, I saw him cry maybe three or four times, and that's a maybe, and one of those times was a month after I left him, the other was when we signed the divorce papers. My brother, although I vaguely remember the occasional cry growing up, the only adult time I ever saw him cry was when our grandmother passed away. My father, good God- never, I've NEVER seen him cry. My male friends, same thing.
I'm wondering what we as a society have done to socialize our men to the point where they are not comfortable crying? What is the deal? Why are they not allowed to cry? This is horribly wrong, and we need to change it.
I want my son to grow up comfortable with his emotions, comfortable that men can cry and still be men. I myself would like to meet a man who is comfortable crying, comfortable with his emotional side. I'm an emotional woman. I would hate to feel like I'm the only one in the relationship who feels anything.
Where have all the sensitive men gone? Are there any left? How did we create such a tough male gender, and why did we do it? What benefits did we expect to achieve?
Funny- people complain that men aren't sensitive enough, caring enough, emotional enough, but somewhere along the way, I think society as a whole created the situation, which means we all contributed in some way or another. Sad but true.
4 comments:
You're equating crying with sensitivity, but they're not the same thing. Crying doesn't make you sensitive, and being sensitive doesn't make you cry.
Just because some people show emotion outwardly doesn't mean they're doing it the "right" way. Speaking as a guy who hasn't cried since he was 11 (when my kitten died), I can't tell you the number of times women have been digsuted with me because I wouldn't cry along with them, as if what they were doing was enlightened and I was some sort of troglodyte. Believe me, I feel things, as strongly as anyone I know, but I choose not to make a public display of it. I choose to let myself feel things instead of trying to shed them through crying, numb them with alcohol or cloak them in Dr. Phil bullshit.
In my opinion, your assertion that it's wrong for men not to cry is no more valid than many men's assertion that women cry far too much.
See also: extroverts thinking introverts are dysfunctional. :)
Actually, I don't have an issue with men not crying, not exactly. I do, however, see your point about the importance of not equating crying with sensitivity.
My issue is that I think we have conditioned men not to cry, which means that they somehow feel that they shouldn't or can't.
I have known guys who say they will never ALLOW themselves to cry, which means they somehow feel its embarrassing or wrong...that's what I'm talking about.
It bothers me that many men who normally would cry or feel the need to, won't cry...and yes, sometimes I do wish guys would cry more (not all the time, but just more than 4 times in 13 years)...
Then again, this is coming from a girl who cries all the time... :) And from an extrovert ;)
I scare you, don't I? :)
But what makes you think men have been conditioned not to cry any more than women have been conditioned *to* cry? You say men have been conditioned, as if crying is the default reaction for any human to an emotional situation and in some Pavlovian way it's been beaten out of us, when it's just not the case.
Look...my wife cries at Tim Horton's commercials. My mother cried when she saw the Rockies for the first time. I know women who cry if they get a remainder doing long division*. Could I then surmise that women have been conditioned to cry at everything?
* I totally stole that line from the Simpsons
YES! I think women do cry too much! I'm one of them! And for the record, it SUCKS to be one. I've even cried in front of my boss...many many times. How embarrassing and unprofessional is that?
But I think men don't show their emotions enough.
No matter what you say, I don't think I will buy that it's normal for men not to cry. I still believe it's social conditioning. And yes, women cry way too much, perhaps that's social conditioning too. But some crying is good. It's an emotional outlet, and is a natural human reaction to some situations like death for example.
Hmm...let's create a mixed mutant breed that meets in some happy halfway place...deal?
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