Valentine's Day Preparations

I sat at the kitchen table tonight with my two little ones. We were writing out Valentine's day cards for their school. As we were writing I had this little flashback of Valentine's day growing up with my family. I remembered sitting at the dining table writing out my Valentine's day cards for my friends. I remembered the "methodology" I followed when I was little. My children were doing the exact same thing. They would go through the box, and pick out the Valentines that they liked best. Then they would go through the list and find the friends that they liked best and write their names on the card. The process would continue until the children they liked the least were left on the list. Those children would get the least favourite cards. I did the same thing when I was in grade school. My children were doing the exact same thing tonight. But that's not the interesting part. What is really interesting is what came out of tonight's discussions.

I learned a lot about my children, why they like the friends that they like, why they don't like the ones whose cards we did last. I recall my mother asking me the same questions when I was little.

"So why does Jason get the yellow card?" I asked.
"Because yellow is yucky and so is Jason. He's mean to me and tells me to get out of his club".
"I see. And what do you say to Jason?"
"I tell him he's the mean ugly gremlin and princesses don't want to be in their club".
Well....I guess that's a comeback in one way or another. Interesting. I didn't know my daughter had that kind of backbone. I always imagined her to be the sit-in-the-corner-and-cry-your-eyes-out type. But here she was defending herself. Not bad. Hey- at least she's not getting into fights, and also not coming crying home to mommy. I'd say that's pretty balanced.

The point is, I learned the names of their friends, their not so friendly classmates, and got to hear a few funny stories. Children don't always volunteer that info on their own. You usually hear about their most favourite friends, and the least favourite ones, but never the entire class at once. This was really fun. Now I know why my mom would sit with us and talk to us as we wrote our Valentine's Day cards. Aren't mothers brilliant?

This brought back yet another memory. Growing up in an Indo-Pak family in the 70's, my parents took a few years to catch on to all the Western traditions. While we did end up giving out Valentine's Day cards and Christmas cards, it wasn't until I was in grade 2 or 3. I guess it took a couple of years of my receiving them before my parents figured out the custom. My younger brother and sister were a bit luckier because I was the guinea pig. By the time they went through grade school, my parents knew the customs well, so they never missed a thing.

There was one year in particular where my mom bought the three of us Valentine's Day gifts. I remember the year so well because it was such a thoughtful gift, and so unusual to receive something on a Western holiday from my very Indo-Pak mother. When we opened our gifts, we found little packets of cinnamon hearts, and these adorable hand carved, hand painted animal shaped pencil sharpeners for school. There was a pencil with hearts on it, and matching erasers. I was so touched by the gift and so moved that my mother had made such an effort to integrate into "our world" that I never forgot it. I actually had asked her "why did you buy us these?" she replied "because I love you and you will always be my Valentine". My mom is not the most sentimental person in the world, but at that moment, I saw a really soft person making a genuine effort to please her children. It stayed with me forever.

So, tomorrow, I'm going to take that little learning from my mother. I'm going to buy some little trinkets for my children and give it to them for Valentine's Day. I'm going to remind them that they will forever be my Valentines. My gesture for the children may not have the same impact as my mom's efforts did for me, but the funny thing about mothers is that you can never know which of your actions will be remembered the most. I bet my mom had no idea when she bought us those gifts that I would never forget her love and affection, and that the memory would last forever.

20 years from now, I'll find out which memories my children will hold close to them. In the meantime, I'll just keep doing things to remind them that I do think of them, that they are important, and that they will always be loved. That's one of the things I realized recently. No matter where I am, or where I end up, my children will always be two of the people that I love the most in this entire world. A mother's love for her children is after all, unconditional, and the memories we build together do indeed last a lifetime.