A Restful Weekend

Mr. NYC was here for the weekend. I can honestly say that we did not do a hell of a lot. We hung out, rested, talked, ate, and just kind of gave each other company. It was nice. Yes, he of course asked/pressed for an answer to his proposal and I of course didn't have one. Scary enough, I don't know when or if I will have one. It's like I'm in a frozen state. I just want to maintain the status quo for now. He wants marriage. I wonder when along the way did I become such a guy? Anyhow, either way, we enjoyed eachother's company and that was good enough for me.

We also went to see Slumdog Millionaire. Awesome film, for those who haven't seen it yet. I really liked it, but found it depressing. I have that child blinding scene stuck in my mind. It made me cry. And I still can't shake it. I always knew stuff like that happened in those countries. Those of you who have known me for years, remember that when I went to Pakistan for my brother's wedding I debated getting a "child leash" for my then 4 year old high-energy son. The reasons were twofold- my kids don't speak urdu, so if they got lost, they wouldn't be able to find their way back or communicate, and I know that in those countries, children are often kidnapped, and have their limbs cut off so they can earn more begging. I didn't want my child to be a casualty. Seeing the movie was very disturbing for me. And it was a bit of an eye opener. We complain about so much about what we don't have, but really, we have so much. It was just a reminder I suppose.

Back to Mr. NYC- I know a few things:

• This would be a lot easier if he lived here- then I wouldn't have to give up as much.
• Mom was right- the longer I live on my own, the less likely I will be willing to share my space with another person.
• I have, somewhere along the way, become a very demanding woman. Any guy who ends up with me will have his hands full. It's often my way or nothing. I know it's wrong, but I know it's true too.
  
• I am confused about what I fundamentally want- marriage/relationship/being alone. Until I figure this out, I will not be able to move forward on any front.
• I know what my inner voice says, I just don't know if I can trust it.

I will figure it all out one day. It's the journey, not the end goal, where all my personal growth and learning will happen...