The Sad Thing About Divorce

Is that it affects the children more than we can ever know. We have no idea sometimes about how deeply it affects them, but it does.

Last night, I was playing "house" with the children. I was the baby, my son was the daddy, and my daughter was the mommy. Halfway through the game, I jokingly said to my daughter "Mommy- daddy's bothering me". Well he was. He was poking me.

My daughter's response....she stood up and turned to my son and said- get out of this house! We don't need you anymore. I want a divorce!

I was shocked. I asked her what made her think it was ok to get a divorce, just like that? Her reply was that "Mommies protect their children, and if daddies are bad, they don't belong".

I explained to her that there is a big difference between a mommy protecting a child from abuse, and a mommy kicking out a daddy just because the child was unhappy about something. I explained to her that divorce is not a good thing, and that we must avoid it as much as possible.

"Well daddy got divorced two times, and you got divorced too".

"Yes, but that was after trying for 11 years".

"Did he hit you too? Is that why it was OK for you to get a divorce?"

"Let's talk about this another time honey, Wow, look at that. It's time for bed".

I'm not ready to talk about the abuse with my children. My therapist says that I cannot and should not deny it with them because they already know. They just need me to confirm that they aren't imagining stuff.

I'm just afraid that if I do it, I will kill any chances they have for one day having a healthy bond with their dad. And I just can't live with that burden on my shoulders. So far, I have a clean heart. I did everything with integrity and I gave him plenty of chances. I won't do anything that would allow me to feel responsible for hurting the kids. I just won't.

And so I avoid certain discussions. At least for the time being.

Man these kids need therapy. :( I don't want them to grow up thinking that marriage is like a stick of chewing gum that you can spit out when it gets boring or tiresome or annoying. I want them to understand that marriage is a sacred bond that must be respected and protected.

Unless a guy hits you. Then you walk and don't look back.

OK...maybe I'M the one who still needs therapy. I don't want to be the blind leading the blind...

Sigh. It's such a long road ahead...