For Those of You Who Remembered...

...That today was supposed to be the final session with the assessor, thank you. I got a few messages from a couple of friends wishing me luck for today. I love you all. I am really lucky to have such wonderful people in my life.

As an update, the last session with the assessor was on Monday. They changed it for some reason. It went OK. He basically asked the children what they liked/did not like about each parent. For my ex, they said that they like that he takes them to the park and buys them toys. They don't like that he "hits" and "hurts". When they were asked about me, they said I am the best mom in the world. What they don't like about me is that while I don't get mad often, when I do, I yell and send them to their rooms. I can live with that. It's true, I do this, and at the end of the day, there are no perfect parents in this world. I don't know a parent in the world that doesn't yell at their child.

One more thing- my kids told the assessor about the "deal" that their dad made with them. Namely, if you agree not to tell the assessor any of the bad stuff I've done, I will buy you a toy. And they told him! That is just perfect for me. Now he knows they have been bribed. He deserves it.

So, Monday was OK, but other than that, I have been having a crappy week. I mean, my ex is an insane lunatic, so what do you expect? He's fighting with me through lawyers on every little thing. I feel so fed up now it's making me mental. I'm tired of all the legal correspondence. I honestly just want all this to be over. I feel I've suffered enough for an entire lifetime. Enough already.

I called the assessor's office today to find out the time line for the results. She says a few weeks. I reminded her that we go to court July 18. She told me that she doesn't think the results will be disclosed before then. Do you know what that means? It means the court date will be pushed out again. I hate my life. I actually got mad at her. I said "Oh come on. This is a no-brainer. The guy beats his kids, you know it, I know it. The judge knows we can't work together and has indicated it might go sole custody. It's not like we can give the abuser custody, so what is there to really think about?"

OK maybe not the best thing to say, but hey, it's not like they don't know how I feel already. Honestly, this is the stupidest bloody process ever. So assholes rule the world. Nice.

I feel so angry and ripped off. I feel like I am totally alone and like the world does not understand what I am going through.

And I feel like running away.

I feel so miserable tonight :(

When will this end?