Little girls start so young. My girlfriend from the office came over a few weekends ago, and she stayed overnight. She got the opportunity to spend lots of time with my daughter, talking about school, about her friends, about life in general. My daughter is like me...always likes to talk, always likes to spend time with people. She's very comfortable with my friend as well, so it was a nice visit overall.
One of the things she talked about was her school, and how cliquish the little girls are. For example, if she goes to school and doesn't wear something girly enough, they won't play with her. So if she wears pants, they have to be girly, which means pink, or sparkly, or flowered or something. So while she has many sparkly jeans, and flower printed jeans, that would explain why she refuses to wear her plain navy blue boot cuts from the GAP for example. No sparkles, not acceptable. She doesn't want to be left to play alone.
I find this mean. What the heck are the teachers there for? I mean, this is like SK level here. Not even grade one. Isn't it kind of young to start with this crap? I was so annoyed.
Anyhow, the next day, she wore her brand new sparkle jeans with her crystal top. Lots of bling. She came home and said it was a waste of an outfit, because Sydney wasn't at school. She asked if I could phone Sydney's mom in the morning and find out if Sydney is going to school. If she's not going to school, my daughter can wear a plain outfit. If she is going to school, then we need to dress her in something fancy.
Well, I guess we just found the ringleader. The little blond-haired blue-eyed kid with an attitude. So lemme get this straight...you wear plain jeans and little blondie has enough influence to make sure that the majority of the girls don't play with you? How do you manage that conversation with the kid's mom? Or do you? I mean, my daughter will go to a different school starting September, and probably a summer program in July, so really, its just 5 more months and she won't have to deal with blondie again.
Then again, what if there's a blondie in the next school? What if she's worse?
So I guess I have three options:
1) Help my daughter dress acceptably so she doesn't have the social hurt (OK you know that's not good enough)
2) Teach her to do what she REALLY wants and how to stand up to little blondie
3) Teach her how to become the ringleader so she doesn't have to worry about the blondies of the world.
I'm thinking option 2, but option 3 is a pretty good backup plan. Option 4 would be going to school and taking down the blond chick, but I'm guessing that wouldn't be acceptable behaviour for a mom :)
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Why are you Alone Mommy?
My daughter approached me a couple of days after hearing about her dad's upcoming wedding. Bless her soul. Her biggest concern was for me. Apparently, she just realized that her dad would be getting married, which means that I am still on my own. Odd that a 5 year old child would come to that realization, and that it would bother her so much.
She told me that she was sad because her daddy was getting married and that I was alone. I told her I'm not alone. I have my children, my friends, and my family. And she said, "but you don't have a husband". I told her that everybody doesn't need a husband. That I already had lots of people who love me and lots who I love back. My life is very busy, and very happy. But she persisted.
"Every princess needs a prince mommy."
"Honey, I'm happy even without a prince. Every princess does not NEED a prince. When we want one, then it's time to find one. Right now, I'm happy without a prince. And I have you and your brother. A prince AND a princess".
"Mommy, don't be silly, not us. You know what I mean."
"Baby, are you worried about me when you're at your dad's? I'm not all alone. I visit my friends and family. I'm never alone."
"But I want you to have a husband and be happy like my daddy."
"I am happy."
"I want you to have a husband. Isn't there anyone you want to marry?"
"No baby, but tell you what, if you ever find someone that you want me to marry, you let me know".
"I have an idea. Let's go to the mall. We can sit on a bench and watch all the men go by. When we see one with a nice face and nice smile, we can ask HIM to marry you".
DANG! My daughter just taught me how to pick up a man. What the heck is wrong with this world? What do they teach them on 'Dora the Explorer' anyways?
Um- Honey, really, I'm happy, but if I'm ever not, I'll let you know.
I proceeded to relay this story to my friend. He says "Ha. Don't worry about her. Your daughter is totally going to be able to take care of herself in this world".
That's what scares me...
She told me that she was sad because her daddy was getting married and that I was alone. I told her I'm not alone. I have my children, my friends, and my family. And she said, "but you don't have a husband". I told her that everybody doesn't need a husband. That I already had lots of people who love me and lots who I love back. My life is very busy, and very happy. But she persisted.
"Every princess needs a prince mommy."
"Honey, I'm happy even without a prince. Every princess does not NEED a prince. When we want one, then it's time to find one. Right now, I'm happy without a prince. And I have you and your brother. A prince AND a princess".
"Mommy, don't be silly, not us. You know what I mean."
"Baby, are you worried about me when you're at your dad's? I'm not all alone. I visit my friends and family. I'm never alone."
"But I want you to have a husband and be happy like my daddy."
"I am happy."
"I want you to have a husband. Isn't there anyone you want to marry?"
"No baby, but tell you what, if you ever find someone that you want me to marry, you let me know".
"I have an idea. Let's go to the mall. We can sit on a bench and watch all the men go by. When we see one with a nice face and nice smile, we can ask HIM to marry you".
DANG! My daughter just taught me how to pick up a man. What the heck is wrong with this world? What do they teach them on 'Dora the Explorer' anyways?
Um- Honey, really, I'm happy, but if I'm ever not, I'll let you know.
I proceeded to relay this story to my friend. He says "Ha. Don't worry about her. Your daughter is totally going to be able to take care of herself in this world".
That's what scares me...
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Confrontation in Front of an Audience
My ex was supposed to bring the children home at 10am. Supposed to. I called at 10am. He was still at home. I told him to hurry up and get home. I had to be at the portrait studio to get the children's portraits done by noon. I had to shower them and get them dressed first. At 10:55 am, he still wasn't here. I called him again. He was at home, and said he was on his way. I got upset. I told him he was being disrespectful, and after everything I had done for him! He hung up.
At 11:15, the children returned. He was still in his car, and about to drive away when I summoned him to come forward and chat. He got out of the car and came to my porch. I started to ask why he was late. Then I noticed his fiancee. She was there, and had come out of the car. Great. An audience. Not my first choice, but what the heck, I had to have my say. So I said hello to her, and then said "I'm sorry that you have to meet me under these circumstances, but I actually have to speak to my ex husband". She nodded and I continued. I told him that it was unacceptable for him to disrespect my personal life like this. I told him that he had no right to be rude to me and to hang up the phone, especially after everything I did for him. I let him see the children for his event. I even dressed them in their finest and had them waiting 15 minutes early so he wouldn't be late. I sacrificed my time with them without any advance notice, and this is how he thanks me? He gives me a harsh 15 minute window to pick up the children on a Sunday after his visit, yet he allows himself an hour and 15 minutes? How is that fair?
Anyhow, I did manage to stay fully composed throughout this. Then I looked at her and she said that she wanted to thank me for letting the children come yesterday. I told her that I was happy to do it, that these are my children, and that as a good mother, I care for their well being. I also told her that the children have spoken well of her so far, so I don't hold any ill will towards her in any way, and I again apologized that she had to hear all of this. She then said that she personally will make sure that he never brings them back late again, and that he respects me more moving forward. I thanked her for that, and then I turned to him and said "Unfortunately, the one who should be thanking me is the one who asked me for the favour in the first place. He also owes me an apology for hanging up, and for being late". He didn't flinch. Then I said goodbye, and they left.
Nice way to meet the soon to be stepmother, huh? On the plus side, I didn't get a bad vibe from her or anything. She seemed relatively respectful, and didn't step in or anything. I mean, she stayed out of it as much as possible. I do respect her for that.
I think I had every right to tell my ex that he was off limits, even if she was present. If I didn't, this pattern of walking all over me would just continue on and on. Not to say that it won't, but at least they both know I won't be walked over and just take it...or at least I hope they know that.
I should never even give him an inch. Give an inch, take a mile, right?
At 11:15, the children returned. He was still in his car, and about to drive away when I summoned him to come forward and chat. He got out of the car and came to my porch. I started to ask why he was late. Then I noticed his fiancee. She was there, and had come out of the car. Great. An audience. Not my first choice, but what the heck, I had to have my say. So I said hello to her, and then said "I'm sorry that you have to meet me under these circumstances, but I actually have to speak to my ex husband". She nodded and I continued. I told him that it was unacceptable for him to disrespect my personal life like this. I told him that he had no right to be rude to me and to hang up the phone, especially after everything I did for him. I let him see the children for his event. I even dressed them in their finest and had them waiting 15 minutes early so he wouldn't be late. I sacrificed my time with them without any advance notice, and this is how he thanks me? He gives me a harsh 15 minute window to pick up the children on a Sunday after his visit, yet he allows himself an hour and 15 minutes? How is that fair?
Anyhow, I did manage to stay fully composed throughout this. Then I looked at her and she said that she wanted to thank me for letting the children come yesterday. I told her that I was happy to do it, that these are my children, and that as a good mother, I care for their well being. I also told her that the children have spoken well of her so far, so I don't hold any ill will towards her in any way, and I again apologized that she had to hear all of this. She then said that she personally will make sure that he never brings them back late again, and that he respects me more moving forward. I thanked her for that, and then I turned to him and said "Unfortunately, the one who should be thanking me is the one who asked me for the favour in the first place. He also owes me an apology for hanging up, and for being late". He didn't flinch. Then I said goodbye, and they left.
Nice way to meet the soon to be stepmother, huh? On the plus side, I didn't get a bad vibe from her or anything. She seemed relatively respectful, and didn't step in or anything. I mean, she stayed out of it as much as possible. I do respect her for that.
I think I had every right to tell my ex that he was off limits, even if she was present. If I didn't, this pattern of walking all over me would just continue on and on. Not to say that it won't, but at least they both know I won't be walked over and just take it...or at least I hope they know that.
I should never even give him an inch. Give an inch, take a mile, right?
Saturday, January 27, 2007
50% Shared Custody?
Are you out of your friggin mind!!!??
Well, I know where my ex is going now. He emailed me and asked if he could have the children tonight. He wanted to take them to a family event with his extended family and his fiancee's extended family. An engagement celebration, I think.
My first knee jerk reaction was to say no. It's my time with the kids, so take a hike. But see, here is the deal. I think that would be too mean, and he would just tell the kids that I didn't let them attend his event. So I replied and said yes, but that he couldn't have an extra day with the children just like that, so when he has them on a weekend, I should get a chance to get one of those days back when I have an event to attend. He agreed. I figured it's fair because I accommodated his plans for his upcoming wedding and stuff, and I also didn't hand him extra days on a silver platter. He has to give me that day back. A sort of trade if you will. I've got myself covered, right?
So then he calls on the phone to work out logistics. Pick up/drop off etc. While we are on the phone he brings up my son's hockey. I tell him that his email was rude, and that I haven't been going because of a back injury, but that if he wants to be an idiot and send rude emails, he's welcome to do so. The hockey topic is closed as far as I'm concerned.
Anyhow, he then proceeds to tell me that he (and his lawyer) think that he should be entitled to 50% joint shared custody. Meaning, he sees the kids 50% of the time and I see them 50% of the time. It also means that he wouldn't have to pay child support. I hear him out and I tell him he's nuts. If you think you're entitled to 50% access, bring it on asshole. Remember the time when you beat the heck out of me on a weekly basis? Ya, I think that will work against you. Oh yeah, and remember the time when you tried to choke our child and I left our marriage as a result? Oh ya, and remember how you treat them like crap you negligent piece of dirt? Oh ya, and how about the fact that your kids cannot stand you?
Anyhow, here we have it. He mentioned what his lawyer said, on and on. So, he's seeing a lawyer. Well, so am I. I guess we're in the same headspace, but with total opposite goals. Bring it on. This fight was inevitable anyways. Let's just hope that whatever comes of it, we settle things once and for all.
Well, I know where my ex is going now. He emailed me and asked if he could have the children tonight. He wanted to take them to a family event with his extended family and his fiancee's extended family. An engagement celebration, I think.
My first knee jerk reaction was to say no. It's my time with the kids, so take a hike. But see, here is the deal. I think that would be too mean, and he would just tell the kids that I didn't let them attend his event. So I replied and said yes, but that he couldn't have an extra day with the children just like that, so when he has them on a weekend, I should get a chance to get one of those days back when I have an event to attend. He agreed. I figured it's fair because I accommodated his plans for his upcoming wedding and stuff, and I also didn't hand him extra days on a silver platter. He has to give me that day back. A sort of trade if you will. I've got myself covered, right?
So then he calls on the phone to work out logistics. Pick up/drop off etc. While we are on the phone he brings up my son's hockey. I tell him that his email was rude, and that I haven't been going because of a back injury, but that if he wants to be an idiot and send rude emails, he's welcome to do so. The hockey topic is closed as far as I'm concerned.
Anyhow, he then proceeds to tell me that he (and his lawyer) think that he should be entitled to 50% joint shared custody. Meaning, he sees the kids 50% of the time and I see them 50% of the time. It also means that he wouldn't have to pay child support. I hear him out and I tell him he's nuts. If you think you're entitled to 50% access, bring it on asshole. Remember the time when you beat the heck out of me on a weekly basis? Ya, I think that will work against you. Oh yeah, and remember the time when you tried to choke our child and I left our marriage as a result? Oh ya, and remember how you treat them like crap you negligent piece of dirt? Oh ya, and how about the fact that your kids cannot stand you?
Anyhow, here we have it. He mentioned what his lawyer said, on and on. So, he's seeing a lawyer. Well, so am I. I guess we're in the same headspace, but with total opposite goals. Bring it on. This fight was inevitable anyways. Let's just hope that whatever comes of it, we settle things once and for all.
Do a Little Dance...
Last night, I accidentally hit a button on my cellphone, and it somehow started to play the one song (I know, pathetic that there is only one) that I had downloaded onto the MP3 player. That was the one and only "I will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor. (I know Dan is shaking his head) :)
Anyhow, my son loves that song. I guess he's heard it one too many times (Gee, I wonder how that happened?) :)
Anyhow, he asks me "Mommy- what's the next wedding we will be going to?"
"Your father's. In March".
"I wanna dance to this song at his wedding. I love dancing to this song".
That was just WAAAAAAAY too easy :)
"Oh sure baby. Let me teach you how to dance to it".
Oh come on. Like you wouldn't have jumped at the opportunity given the same situation. But can you IMAGINE the shocked looked on people's faces if MY SON got up and danced to this at my EX's wedding? It's almost...poetic.
Anyhow, my son loves that song. I guess he's heard it one too many times (Gee, I wonder how that happened?) :)
Anyhow, he asks me "Mommy- what's the next wedding we will be going to?"
"Your father's. In March".
"I wanna dance to this song at his wedding. I love dancing to this song".
That was just WAAAAAAAY too easy :)
"Oh sure baby. Let me teach you how to dance to it".
Oh come on. Like you wouldn't have jumped at the opportunity given the same situation. But can you IMAGINE the shocked looked on people's faces if MY SON got up and danced to this at my EX's wedding? It's almost...poetic.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
EEEEWWWW
I know I'm a mother. I know I'm supposed to tolerate just about anything that comes out of a child and have virtually no issues with it. But, when you're up all night with a child, and you're sleep deprived, and your child complains of tummy ache and you spend and hour an a half rubbing their tummy, only to go downstairs to provide them with gravol, and then, to top it off, when the gravol makes them vomit 4 times, and you somehow find yourself mopping the kitchen floor at 4 am, well, you wonder what the heck you're doing.
There is nothing harder to deal with than a sick child. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It takes a lot of patience, and a lot of love to get through it.
And, I do have to say that nothing is more disgusting than child vomit. Don't get me wrong. I feel bad for him, I took care of him all night, rubbed his little tummy, talked to him till he finally fell asleep at 5am. But still...when I saw all that vomit spread across the kitchen floor (and yes, even the walls), I thought I was going to throw up myself.
Fortunately, this doesn't happen often (touch wood). In my seven years of motherhood, and through two children, I think this might be the 3rd time I've had to deal with vomit (or anything this gross). This would be the second time in my life that I actually had to clean it up. (One time, we managed to make it to the toilet).
So, when I finally went to sleep at 5am, I was exhausted. My big 5 hour vendor meeting was far from my mind. I could send a delegate to that. All I could think of at that point in time was my need for sleep...then I woke up at 7:30am to the sound of two little feet running downstairs "Don't worry....she won't make us go to school today. I threw up, so we can stay home".
Kids are too smart for their own good. But he's right. What kind of mother would I be if I let him go to school, and took the chance that he might start vomiting once he gets there? And who am I kidding? It's not like I would really be able to focus at work if I had sent my little angel off to school while he might still be sick.
Stay home was right. And what a day it's been.
I have no idea how at-home moms can be at home. I've just spent 24 hours confined to the house, and I'm going to climb the walls pretty soon. It's one thing to spend fun time with the children on a weekend. I actually love that time with them. But, it's quite another thing to be in the house all day, all three of us in our jammies, with one child who is sick. (Well, actually, I'm in sweats, but it's practically the same thing).
Back to work tomorrow. Thank God that's over. I welcome the opportunity to spend time with my children....but when they are sick, it's work, and tiring, and not all that fun.
I'm just being honest. I know that all the mothers reading this have their jaws dropping that I could dare to say it. Maybe it's the single parenting thing. I mean, if I were married, I would have a hubby to tag team with at night. I'm not married, so it's just me here, going on 2 hours sleep.
Forgive me if I'm feeling a tad moody. But hey- I am SO glad he is better.
I do have to say, the best part of the day was when I asked him what he could eat:
"How about toast? Or soup? Soup always makes a tummyache better. Can I make some chicken soup?"
"Mommy, nothing makes a sick kid feel better than a mommy's hug".
Awwwwwwwwwwww. And that is why it was all worth it. And that is why I would do it all again, anytime, despite how tough it is, or how bad vomit smells.
There is nothing harder to deal with than a sick child. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It takes a lot of patience, and a lot of love to get through it.
And, I do have to say that nothing is more disgusting than child vomit. Don't get me wrong. I feel bad for him, I took care of him all night, rubbed his little tummy, talked to him till he finally fell asleep at 5am. But still...when I saw all that vomit spread across the kitchen floor (and yes, even the walls), I thought I was going to throw up myself.
Fortunately, this doesn't happen often (touch wood). In my seven years of motherhood, and through two children, I think this might be the 3rd time I've had to deal with vomit (or anything this gross). This would be the second time in my life that I actually had to clean it up. (One time, we managed to make it to the toilet).
So, when I finally went to sleep at 5am, I was exhausted. My big 5 hour vendor meeting was far from my mind. I could send a delegate to that. All I could think of at that point in time was my need for sleep...then I woke up at 7:30am to the sound of two little feet running downstairs "Don't worry....she won't make us go to school today. I threw up, so we can stay home".
Kids are too smart for their own good. But he's right. What kind of mother would I be if I let him go to school, and took the chance that he might start vomiting once he gets there? And who am I kidding? It's not like I would really be able to focus at work if I had sent my little angel off to school while he might still be sick.
Stay home was right. And what a day it's been.
I have no idea how at-home moms can be at home. I've just spent 24 hours confined to the house, and I'm going to climb the walls pretty soon. It's one thing to spend fun time with the children on a weekend. I actually love that time with them. But, it's quite another thing to be in the house all day, all three of us in our jammies, with one child who is sick. (Well, actually, I'm in sweats, but it's practically the same thing).
Back to work tomorrow. Thank God that's over. I welcome the opportunity to spend time with my children....but when they are sick, it's work, and tiring, and not all that fun.
I'm just being honest. I know that all the mothers reading this have their jaws dropping that I could dare to say it. Maybe it's the single parenting thing. I mean, if I were married, I would have a hubby to tag team with at night. I'm not married, so it's just me here, going on 2 hours sleep.
Forgive me if I'm feeling a tad moody. But hey- I am SO glad he is better.
I do have to say, the best part of the day was when I asked him what he could eat:
"How about toast? Or soup? Soup always makes a tummyache better. Can I make some chicken soup?"
"Mommy, nothing makes a sick kid feel better than a mommy's hug".
Awwwwwwwwwwww. And that is why it was all worth it. And that is why I would do it all again, anytime, despite how tough it is, or how bad vomit smells.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
I Had to Post This...
You guys MUST read this post from the Dilbert Blog. I was laughing my butt off. He pretty much summarized most of my thoughts exactly. See, now this is why Sunni's don't believe in the whole Muttah thing (thank GOD!). And just for this alone, if I were Shiite, I'd convert. (Is it possible to 'convert' to different beliefs/sects within a religion?)
But then again, I do have issues with some of the Sunni things too....sigh. There is NO winning this one.
Anyhow, you know what I mean.
Sometimes, our interpretations of religion (any religion) can just be so weird. This is the stuff that makes me crazy....I mean I've come across so many things at times which just don't make sense, but we're supposed to believe them "just because". NO thanks.
But then again, I do have issues with some of the Sunni things too....sigh. There is NO winning this one.
Anyhow, you know what I mean.
Sometimes, our interpretations of religion (any religion) can just be so weird. This is the stuff that makes me crazy....I mean I've come across so many things at times which just don't make sense, but we're supposed to believe them "just because". NO thanks.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Please Take your Meds
This is my only request for my ex. Please take your meds you moron. The world can see how stupid you are. My God. The drama goes on and on. Today was one of those days where I felt so stupid. Stupid and humiliated to have to admit that I was ever married to this flake. Honestly, he's dumber than glue, and I am totally embarrassed to admit that I am (or was) affiliated with him in any way.
So, I guess he didn't realize that I already knew about his engagement (nor does he realize that I am so totally thrilled cuz he will be someone else's problem), but anyhow..I guess he wanted to make it REALLY clear to me, so here is what he does (tee hee)....
He randomly sends an email to the hockey coach. Not just the hockey coach, but all the parents of the hockey team (like 15 people in total), and to me, and to his fiancee. This is what the email said:
My fingers are crossed. This is the stuff that I no longer want as a part of my life.....
Oh, and for the record, I refused to take our son to hockey because of my back injury. I can't carry that big huge hockey bag, bend over to tie up skates, and help him get on the ice. I did tell him that in my email to him, and also offered to let him take our son if he felt it was important, but...well, you see where that ended up.
Oh please let them marry soon. I can almost taste the freedom...
So, I guess he didn't realize that I already knew about his engagement (nor does he realize that I am so totally thrilled cuz he will be someone else's problem), but anyhow..I guess he wanted to make it REALLY clear to me, so here is what he does (tee hee)....
He randomly sends an email to the hockey coach. Not just the hockey coach, but all the parents of the hockey team (like 15 people in total), and to me, and to his fiancee. This is what the email said:
Please forgive us for our son's absence the past month. He will soon return to hockey, God willing… however, his attendance will continue to be sporadic. The following are the reasons for his absence:
- His mother has out-right refused to take him for hockey hence forth. He can only attend on weekends when he is with me.
- I moved over the holidays, and am still trying to settle in.
- I started a new job, and was pre-occupied with that.
- I am recently engaged (a few days ago), and very soon to be wed… tentatively for this March break. We are very excited, and wedding plans are in high-pitch.
It has been a whirl wind of events this past month, and the whirl wind continues. We are all doing very well, and are very happy. Please keep us in your prayers.
:) OK, so WTF? I don't even know where to start. Um- he clearly doesn't realize that everyone on this email now officially knows that he's a mental case. He also doesn't realize that I now have in writing that he is officially off his rocker. My only disappointment is that he copied his fiancee. God forbid she figures out that he's a freak and changes her mind. Then he would be my problem again. Let's keep our fingers crossed guys. March isn't that far away. IF all goes well, he will get hitched and then distracted. And hopefully then one day I can openly start seeing people and be free.
My fingers are crossed. This is the stuff that I no longer want as a part of my life.....
Oh, and for the record, I refused to take our son to hockey because of my back injury. I can't carry that big huge hockey bag, bend over to tie up skates, and help him get on the ice. I did tell him that in my email to him, and also offered to let him take our son if he felt it was important, but...well, you see where that ended up.
Oh please let them marry soon. I can almost taste the freedom...
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Manic Engagement
This has been a mentally hectic few days. But I'm a strong gal, and I'm doing very well, if I do say so myself.
Thursday, I had to take care of some things at the office with my team. Final team conversations and such. It was a very hectic day, lots of paperwork, lots of running around, lots of meetings. On Thursday evening, I had to get back into the ongoing disputes with my ex. He's such a nuisance. So he basically wouldn't email me to confirm that I would get the children back on Sunday night. No reply. What a total complete ass. Anyhow, I ended up calling his lawyer and telling him that this was unacceptable.
It was more tense than it would have been, mostly because I was leaving for NY at 9am the next morning. I ended up going to NY to visit a friend, and while I was there, his lawyer emailed me, basically saying a bunch of junk, including that I had a 15 minute window to get the kids at noon on Sunday. Should I not arrive in those 15 minutes, he would get to keep them overnight. Now they are both asses. My flight was arriving home at 1pm Sunday, so I would end up missing the 15 minute window at noon. So, I called Mich from NY and she went at noon to get the kids. Saved by an angel.
Anyhow, I get home and I hear from the kids that their dad is getting married. I'm in disbelief. Are you serious? I mean- if this is true, I'm relieved that he may get off my back, but concerned for the kids. Isn't this the chick that he's been shacking up with for the past 3 weeks, and that he's known for all of six weeks? Weird. Stupid. He must be in another one of his bipolar manic episodes. I know those 'I'm-better-than-anyone-else' episodes all too well. I've seen his mental ups and downs for the past 14 years. And they are all ugly. This is just too freakish.
So I sign into msn today, and I can see him online. I have him blocked, so I can see him, but he can't see me. His message says 'happily engaged'. Try happily on a stupid rebound, but whatever. Some of us date people for months and won't dare get engaged, we just evaluate, evaluate, evaluate, and see it as an opportunity to enjoy life. Others get engaged after 6 weeks. I don't get it.
Then again, I was just talking to a friend, and he made a good point. If I were my ex, I would rush it too. I mean, how long before this girl realizes that he can't hold down a job, that he's a nutcase, and that he's a temperamental abusive man? That's right...it won't take long. So, if you wanna land a girl, and you're a bad catch yourself, you better get her hooked in and close the deal real fast. Desperate, but true. Now it all actually does make sense.
I am worried for the kids. He told them that they would HAVE to treat this girl the same as their mother. Well, that's just dumb. Why would you stress out the kids by commanding how they should feel about someone? If it were me, I would introduce them, let them get comfortable, ask for their opinion, and then tell them where we would like to go. I wouldn't do the "Hi, we're getting married, so you better treat her as good as you treat your mom" thing. Freak.
And besides, NOBODY can be the same as your mother. I did after all, sacrifice for them, carry them for 9 months, breastfeed each for a year (yes too much info)...so hell if anyone gets the same status as me. OK- I wouldn't have had a catty moment, had it not been for the stepping on my maternal territory thing :) I am human, right?
On another note...I should ask HIM if he wants to buy back my wedding ring. Tee hee. I'm sure it has SUCH good karma.
Anyhow, I fully intend to make this emotionally easy for the kids. I'll encourage them to go to the wedding if they want to, I'll encourage them to continue to talk openly about everything, I'll continue to be who I am. I could easily be the mean typical ex wife witch who turns the children against the new girl in his life, but that would only emotionally screw up my kids. Emotionally screwing them up is NOT an option. EVER. I prefer to think of myself as someone with at least a bit of class. Someone who can rest assured that she is a good person. And besides all that, this girl is diverting my ex's attention away from me. And that is FANTASTIC. If all goes well, planning a wedding should have him so distracted that he shouldn't have time to deal with me in any way. What a bonus that is.
So, despite his jerkiness, I'm going to take the high road, instead of the I'm-going-to-make-you-pay-for-your-assholeness road. Besides, 2007 is going to be my year. So hell if I lose myself anywhere in this process. I've actually realized that for the most part, I actually do like who I am. And that, I wouldn't trade for the world. I prayed that this would be the year where I would finally be free. It sounds like my prayers might just get answered. Cheers to my ex's new fiancee.
Thursday, I had to take care of some things at the office with my team. Final team conversations and such. It was a very hectic day, lots of paperwork, lots of running around, lots of meetings. On Thursday evening, I had to get back into the ongoing disputes with my ex. He's such a nuisance. So he basically wouldn't email me to confirm that I would get the children back on Sunday night. No reply. What a total complete ass. Anyhow, I ended up calling his lawyer and telling him that this was unacceptable.
It was more tense than it would have been, mostly because I was leaving for NY at 9am the next morning. I ended up going to NY to visit a friend, and while I was there, his lawyer emailed me, basically saying a bunch of junk, including that I had a 15 minute window to get the kids at noon on Sunday. Should I not arrive in those 15 minutes, he would get to keep them overnight. Now they are both asses. My flight was arriving home at 1pm Sunday, so I would end up missing the 15 minute window at noon. So, I called Mich from NY and she went at noon to get the kids. Saved by an angel.
Anyhow, I get home and I hear from the kids that their dad is getting married. I'm in disbelief. Are you serious? I mean- if this is true, I'm relieved that he may get off my back, but concerned for the kids. Isn't this the chick that he's been shacking up with for the past 3 weeks, and that he's known for all of six weeks? Weird. Stupid. He must be in another one of his bipolar manic episodes. I know those 'I'm-better-than-anyone-else' episodes all too well. I've seen his mental ups and downs for the past 14 years. And they are all ugly. This is just too freakish.
So I sign into msn today, and I can see him online. I have him blocked, so I can see him, but he can't see me. His message says 'happily engaged'. Try happily on a stupid rebound, but whatever. Some of us date people for months and won't dare get engaged, we just evaluate, evaluate, evaluate, and see it as an opportunity to enjoy life. Others get engaged after 6 weeks. I don't get it.
Then again, I was just talking to a friend, and he made a good point. If I were my ex, I would rush it too. I mean, how long before this girl realizes that he can't hold down a job, that he's a nutcase, and that he's a temperamental abusive man? That's right...it won't take long. So, if you wanna land a girl, and you're a bad catch yourself, you better get her hooked in and close the deal real fast. Desperate, but true. Now it all actually does make sense.
I am worried for the kids. He told them that they would HAVE to treat this girl the same as their mother. Well, that's just dumb. Why would you stress out the kids by commanding how they should feel about someone? If it were me, I would introduce them, let them get comfortable, ask for their opinion, and then tell them where we would like to go. I wouldn't do the "Hi, we're getting married, so you better treat her as good as you treat your mom" thing. Freak.
And besides, NOBODY can be the same as your mother. I did after all, sacrifice for them, carry them for 9 months, breastfeed each for a year (yes too much info)...so hell if anyone gets the same status as me. OK- I wouldn't have had a catty moment, had it not been for the stepping on my maternal territory thing :) I am human, right?
On another note...I should ask HIM if he wants to buy back my wedding ring. Tee hee. I'm sure it has SUCH good karma.
Anyhow, I fully intend to make this emotionally easy for the kids. I'll encourage them to go to the wedding if they want to, I'll encourage them to continue to talk openly about everything, I'll continue to be who I am. I could easily be the mean typical ex wife witch who turns the children against the new girl in his life, but that would only emotionally screw up my kids. Emotionally screwing them up is NOT an option. EVER. I prefer to think of myself as someone with at least a bit of class. Someone who can rest assured that she is a good person. And besides all that, this girl is diverting my ex's attention away from me. And that is FANTASTIC. If all goes well, planning a wedding should have him so distracted that he shouldn't have time to deal with me in any way. What a bonus that is.
So, despite his jerkiness, I'm going to take the high road, instead of the I'm-going-to-make-you-pay-for-your-assholeness road. Besides, 2007 is going to be my year. So hell if I lose myself anywhere in this process. I've actually realized that for the most part, I actually do like who I am. And that, I wouldn't trade for the world. I prayed that this would be the year where I would finally be free. It sounds like my prayers might just get answered. Cheers to my ex's new fiancee.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Promise Me You Won't Ever Die
This is so scary. I just witnessed the absolute FREAKIEST conversation between my son and daughter. They didn't realize that I heard them talking. My daughter and son were lying in bed at bedtime tonight. My daughter since the car accident has been totally freaked out that something bad will happen to me. She is for some reason, really afraid of death. She keeps asking me if I'm going to die, when I'm going to die, and what will happen to her if I die. I keep reassuring her that I'm fine, I'm not going to die, and that I will be here to love her for a long long time.
Anyhow, she was talking to my son and asking what would happen if I were to die.
His reply: "Be quiet. Nobody's dying."
"But what if she dies? Who will take care of us? Who will change our clothes and cook and tuck us in at night?"
"Be quiet and go to sleep. Nobody's dying".
"I made a prayer. Wanna know what it is?"
"If you hurry. I wanna sleep"
"I asked God to make dad die first. Mommy loves us, so I want him to take daddy first because he's mean and yells alot. If he lets mommy live, he can have daddy"
"You're mean. Dad buys toys for us. Lots of them. If he dies, who will buy our toys? And, who will take us to our cousins to play? Mom doesn't go there anymore"
"Mom can find the way. And she can take all the toys from dad's house. I want God to make daddy die first. I'm going to pray for that."
And then I walked in. I asked 'Hey guys, what's up?"
"Nothing. We're sleeping".
"Mommy- will you die first or will daddy?"
"Baby- that's a long long time away...is there something you want to say to me honey?"
"Daddy should die first"
"You're so mean!"
"Am not!"
"OK guys. Listen. I'm not dying any time soon. Neither is your dad. We're both going to be here for a long long time so there is nothing for you to worry about. OK? Now....time for bed. Nobody's dying so let's talk about this later, OK? Goodnight guys!"
OK- So here is the deal. She wants him gone before me, and he sold me out for a bunch of toys. What the heck am I supposed to make of all this? Wow. That is SO messed up.
On another note, my appointment today went well. I have a long road ahead, and lots to do, so let's see where I end up. :)
Anyhow, she was talking to my son and asking what would happen if I were to die.
His reply: "Be quiet. Nobody's dying."
"But what if she dies? Who will take care of us? Who will change our clothes and cook and tuck us in at night?"
"Be quiet and go to sleep. Nobody's dying".
"I made a prayer. Wanna know what it is?"
"If you hurry. I wanna sleep"
"I asked God to make dad die first. Mommy loves us, so I want him to take daddy first because he's mean and yells alot. If he lets mommy live, he can have daddy"
"You're mean. Dad buys toys for us. Lots of them. If he dies, who will buy our toys? And, who will take us to our cousins to play? Mom doesn't go there anymore"
"Mom can find the way. And she can take all the toys from dad's house. I want God to make daddy die first. I'm going to pray for that."
And then I walked in. I asked 'Hey guys, what's up?"
"Nothing. We're sleeping".
"Mommy- will you die first or will daddy?"
"Baby- that's a long long time away...is there something you want to say to me honey?"
"Daddy should die first"
"You're so mean!"
"Am not!"
"OK guys. Listen. I'm not dying any time soon. Neither is your dad. We're both going to be here for a long long time so there is nothing for you to worry about. OK? Now....time for bed. Nobody's dying so let's talk about this later, OK? Goodnight guys!"
OK- So here is the deal. She wants him gone before me, and he sold me out for a bunch of toys. What the heck am I supposed to make of all this? Wow. That is SO messed up.
On another note, my appointment today went well. I have a long road ahead, and lots to do, so let's see where I end up. :)
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Avoid the Eid Dinner, Avoid a Hassle
I decided a while back not to go to the Muslim Professional Network's Eid Dinner last night. There were two reasons for this decision. The first was that I had the children this weekend, and to be honest, I don't really like asking others to watch them on weekends for me. Weeknights when it's work related is another thing. To do it on weekends is just inconvenient for others, and dilutes my quality time with them. The second reason why I decided not to attend the dinner party is because I had a feeling that my Ex might be there. He attended the Iftar in Ramadan, and I attended that too, and it was awkward, creepy, and renewed all his stalking tendencies. For him, seeing me happy just makes him angry and miserable. Inevitably, he always takes that anger out on me. For that reason, I think it's just always better for me to avoid seeing him- why go through the discomfort and re-introduce his freakishness into my life? No thanks to that!
Anyhow, I got a full report of last night's dinner from a very close friend. He told me that yes, he was there, yes he came with the girlfriend, and yes, he left with her too. He was apparently much more relaxed and much less intense than usual. I say good for him. The quicker he moves on, the quicker he leaves me alone. I quite frankly don't care who she is, as long as she's good to my children. The day she says or does anything to hurt them is the day I turn nasty on both of them. Until them, I say let them be.
But here is the REALLY weird, and very scary thing. He's moved in with this person. So, he's apparently serious about this relationship. But, if all that's true, why was he so pissed off that I might be seeing someone? He supposedly has reason to believe I'm with someone, reason enough to call me an f--ng sl**. I mean, I know he has an insane imagination, but what the hell? One would hope that he wouldn't care what I do with my life. I mean, I don't care if he's moved on. If anything, I'm glad because it relieves some of the pressure off my life. But this, I just don't get. Does it mean that I still need to keep an eye open, that I can't really trust that I will be at peace at last? For now, I'm on guard. I'm just not sure how long I will have to be that way.
I have an important meeting tomorrow afternoon. This should answer many of my questions. It's at 4pm here in Mississauga, which means I basically will have to leave the office at 3pm. Thank God the laptop comes home with me every night, or I'd never get enough work done.
Wish me luck. Let's hope she has good news for me.
Anyhow, I got a full report of last night's dinner from a very close friend. He told me that yes, he was there, yes he came with the girlfriend, and yes, he left with her too. He was apparently much more relaxed and much less intense than usual. I say good for him. The quicker he moves on, the quicker he leaves me alone. I quite frankly don't care who she is, as long as she's good to my children. The day she says or does anything to hurt them is the day I turn nasty on both of them. Until them, I say let them be.
But here is the REALLY weird, and very scary thing. He's moved in with this person. So, he's apparently serious about this relationship. But, if all that's true, why was he so pissed off that I might be seeing someone? He supposedly has reason to believe I'm with someone, reason enough to call me an f--ng sl**. I mean, I know he has an insane imagination, but what the hell? One would hope that he wouldn't care what I do with my life. I mean, I don't care if he's moved on. If anything, I'm glad because it relieves some of the pressure off my life. But this, I just don't get. Does it mean that I still need to keep an eye open, that I can't really trust that I will be at peace at last? For now, I'm on guard. I'm just not sure how long I will have to be that way.
I have an important meeting tomorrow afternoon. This should answer many of my questions. It's at 4pm here in Mississauga, which means I basically will have to leave the office at 3pm. Thank God the laptop comes home with me every night, or I'd never get enough work done.
Wish me luck. Let's hope she has good news for me.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
So Tired, Must Get Some Sleep...
My office friend stayed over yesterday. She came to hang out with the children (who absolutely adore her! The last time she was over they were willing to adopt her as an honorary mother!). We had a nice time, went for dinner, visited my parents, and crashed. I think she had no clue how quickly two little kids can wear you out :)
Today we got up, had breakfast, bathed the kids, went to the movies (saw Happily N'ever After-the kids loved it, but truly, it's a rental), went out for lunch, did some shopping and we were both kaput. The kids on the other hand, are energizer bunnies, complete with the loud annoyance factor. I often wonder what people without children think when they are around kids for an extended period of time like that. My kids adore her, she's great with them, and I got to observe it all. My conclusion- some people without kids have waaaaay more patience with children than people who do have kids. I'm not sure why, but it seems that way to me.
I was invited to a Muslim Networking dinner tonight, and chose to sit it out. The last time I went my creepy ex was there any he stalked me the whole night. No thanks to that. So here I am, 11:30pm, safe in my bed. Good decision, if I do say so myself. Why say yes to the stalker when I can do other things (like sleep?)....exactly!
Today we got up, had breakfast, bathed the kids, went to the movies (saw Happily N'ever After-the kids loved it, but truly, it's a rental), went out for lunch, did some shopping and we were both kaput. The kids on the other hand, are energizer bunnies, complete with the loud annoyance factor. I often wonder what people without children think when they are around kids for an extended period of time like that. My kids adore her, she's great with them, and I got to observe it all. My conclusion- some people without kids have waaaaay more patience with children than people who do have kids. I'm not sure why, but it seems that way to me.
I was invited to a Muslim Networking dinner tonight, and chose to sit it out. The last time I went my creepy ex was there any he stalked me the whole night. No thanks to that. So here I am, 11:30pm, safe in my bed. Good decision, if I do say so myself. Why say yes to the stalker when I can do other things (like sleep?)....exactly!
Friday, January 12, 2007
6 Months to a Year?!
I was working from home today. Part of me thinks it's good, as I get more work done, and the other part thinks I should be in the office right now. The environment is very toxic these days, and I feel like I need to be there to morally support my team. Then again, what moral support can I provide? I can't exactly answer questions, and I have nothing solid that I can add. It's pretty much a waiting game for everyone. Besides that, I've been working from home on Fridays since 2001. I'm not sure I want to break that routine unless I have to. These things (flex hours I mean) have a funny way of coming to an end without you intending for that to happen.
I had to go to the chiropractor today for myself, and my daughter. It turns out that she will need a bit longer to heal, but fortunately she isn't in any pain, unless you actually touch the part of her ribs that were affected. Another month or so and she should be better.
As for me, I'm not as lucky. The two back to back pregnancies did a number on my back, and it had just healed 100% about a year ago. The car accident put it out worse than it was after my pregnancies. I feel so defeated. She said the pain MAY go away in 3 months, and my back will heal in 6 months on an aggressive program, one year in a medium program. If I do any less it won't heal. And this isn't some back alley chiropractor. This is one that I fully respect. She was the one who would tell me when it wasn't necessary to go, so I fully trust her when she tells me that it is necessary. But man, one year is damned depressing. This is on a full pettibon chiropractic program. (That's basically a restorative program, where you build up your back strength to the point where you should in theory not need adjustments anymore). It's the program I was on before. Had I not had the car injury, I would have been just fine. I haven't been to her in months. Sigh. Nothing we can do about that now I suppose.
As a tiny side benefit, the insurance company has agreed to foot the tab for my house cleaning. I am able to call a cleaning lady to do the house for the next few weeks. Thank God for that, can you imagine what would happen to my back if I had to bend over and clean tubs, toilets, or go around vaccuming and mopping floors? I don't think I could do it.
I'd rather clean my own house and have no back pain. Besides, I'm anal so nobody can clean it like I can anyways. :)
I had to go to the chiropractor today for myself, and my daughter. It turns out that she will need a bit longer to heal, but fortunately she isn't in any pain, unless you actually touch the part of her ribs that were affected. Another month or so and she should be better.
As for me, I'm not as lucky. The two back to back pregnancies did a number on my back, and it had just healed 100% about a year ago. The car accident put it out worse than it was after my pregnancies. I feel so defeated. She said the pain MAY go away in 3 months, and my back will heal in 6 months on an aggressive program, one year in a medium program. If I do any less it won't heal. And this isn't some back alley chiropractor. This is one that I fully respect. She was the one who would tell me when it wasn't necessary to go, so I fully trust her when she tells me that it is necessary. But man, one year is damned depressing. This is on a full pettibon chiropractic program. (That's basically a restorative program, where you build up your back strength to the point where you should in theory not need adjustments anymore). It's the program I was on before. Had I not had the car injury, I would have been just fine. I haven't been to her in months. Sigh. Nothing we can do about that now I suppose.
As a tiny side benefit, the insurance company has agreed to foot the tab for my house cleaning. I am able to call a cleaning lady to do the house for the next few weeks. Thank God for that, can you imagine what would happen to my back if I had to bend over and clean tubs, toilets, or go around vaccuming and mopping floors? I don't think I could do it.
I'd rather clean my own house and have no back pain. Besides, I'm anal so nobody can clean it like I can anyways. :)
Thursday, January 11, 2007
An evening with the children
I had to spend the past 3 nights at home with the kids in order to help my son get caught up on all his homework. My ex failed to do the homework with the children over the holidays, and failed to tell me that he had it, so the research assignment and book report due tomorrow wasn't even started. Thank God the teacher emailed me to ask me what was going on, or I wouldn't have even known the difference (my ex picked them up from school on the last day before Xmas holidays, as it was his weekend with the children).
Anyhow, we're almost done. I figure another hour and we should be good. Hey- my ex might have been flopping out of school (no, I am serious), but I am the anal, perfectionist mother. There is no way that I would allow my child to screw up his schooling.
Anyhow, a couple of funny things happened. My ex called for his regularly scheduled telephone call with the children. My son answered the phone and I could hear him talking to his dad. On the coffee table were my Oprah Magazines. I could hear him saying "Man, mom sure loves her book about the big O, it's always on the table". Kids have the darndest way of talking about the most insignificant things. But here's the funny thing- I think my ex thought I was reading up on a different big O. Haha. I could hear his reaction through the phone, "What big O? WHAT? What is your mother reading?"
"You know, those big books with the lady on the front and the big O in the top left hand corner".
"You mean Oprah? Are they magazines?"
"Yeah, those".
I just about peed my pants. Too funny. Go son, go! Then it was my daughter's turn on the phone. I proceeded to do my son's homework with him. In the background I heard her talking to her dad "My mommy says she's a princess. I told her there is no such thing as a princess without a prince. So I asked her if you could be her prince and she said no. Mommy will find another prince one day." Oh crap. Here we go. Inflame the jerk why don't you? I think he must have said something along the lines of "I don't need her for a princess. You're my princess", because I heard her say "No, I can't be your princess. I'm my brother's princess".
HA! You reap rewards for the seeds you sow. Treat em like crap, and they will be brutally honest about how they feel about you.
OK, I have to go. I just caught my kids making MAPLE BUTTER sandwiches. A guy at my office sells this cool maple butter stuff from his family's farm, and yeah, my kids are eating it for dessert. They turned down chocolate ice cream, and now I know why. That stuff is pure sugar. It's gonna be a loooooooong night. Sigh.
Never leave young children alone even for a couple of minutes. Never.
Anyhow, we're almost done. I figure another hour and we should be good. Hey- my ex might have been flopping out of school (no, I am serious), but I am the anal, perfectionist mother. There is no way that I would allow my child to screw up his schooling.
Anyhow, a couple of funny things happened. My ex called for his regularly scheduled telephone call with the children. My son answered the phone and I could hear him talking to his dad. On the coffee table were my Oprah Magazines. I could hear him saying "Man, mom sure loves her book about the big O, it's always on the table". Kids have the darndest way of talking about the most insignificant things. But here's the funny thing- I think my ex thought I was reading up on a different big O. Haha. I could hear his reaction through the phone, "What big O? WHAT? What is your mother reading?"
"You know, those big books with the lady on the front and the big O in the top left hand corner".
"You mean Oprah? Are they magazines?"
"Yeah, those".
I just about peed my pants. Too funny. Go son, go! Then it was my daughter's turn on the phone. I proceeded to do my son's homework with him. In the background I heard her talking to her dad "My mommy says she's a princess. I told her there is no such thing as a princess without a prince. So I asked her if you could be her prince and she said no. Mommy will find another prince one day." Oh crap. Here we go. Inflame the jerk why don't you? I think he must have said something along the lines of "I don't need her for a princess. You're my princess", because I heard her say "No, I can't be your princess. I'm my brother's princess".
HA! You reap rewards for the seeds you sow. Treat em like crap, and they will be brutally honest about how they feel about you.
OK, I have to go. I just caught my kids making MAPLE BUTTER sandwiches. A guy at my office sells this cool maple butter stuff from his family's farm, and yeah, my kids are eating it for dessert. They turned down chocolate ice cream, and now I know why. That stuff is pure sugar. It's gonna be a loooooooong night. Sigh.
Never leave young children alone even for a couple of minutes. Never.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
The Civic Returns
I got my car back today. No really. That's crazy isn't it? And they say it wasn't bad enough to write off. So, new front bumper, new rear bumper, new side panel, passenger door repairs, new front tires, newly repaired suspension, and re-alignment of tires. Yeah, tell me that my car is really gonna hold its value if I ever want to sell it. Exactly.
Anyhow, it looks fine. It seems to drive fine, so who knows? I just have this nagging feeling that it's just overall a weaker car.
I went to the chiropractor today. I learned that my back, neck, collarbone, and ribs will take awhile to heal. Like a year. That's with chiro visits and therapy twice a year. Oh yaay. I'm personally going to try to make it happen faster. No more heels for me. Flat shoes will be the way to go for the next while. Let's see what else I can do to help things along.
So I did speak to someone yesterday about my situation with my ex. I was told that my current implementation of the child access agreement was incorrect. How fascinating. Apparently, the fact that we have joint custody refers to major decision making only. Meaning if I wanted to convert their religion, I would need to get my ex's permission. If I wanted to change their schools, I would need his permission. He is legally entitled to attend PTA meetings with me, or call the doctor and ask about their medical well being. But that's it. I mean IT.
Apparently, he isn't allowed to go to their school. He isn't allowed to pull them out of school. He isn't allowed to have access to them, aside from his two weekends a month. He can go to their school to talk to the teacher, but he cannot go there to talk to him. GOLDEN! And to think- my stupid assed, over priced lawyer overlooked telling me this stuff during the separation. What did I pay him for?
So now, I can have much more peace. All I have to do is give the schools a copy of the court order for their files, and instruct them that he is not to come by to see the children. If he does, they are welcome to call the police. I no longer have to worry that he might go and take them out of school, that he might go and ask inappropriate questions. I no longer have to worry. I don't think he's entitled to come to after school soccer matches or to events. He isn't allowed to be in my face or harass me. This is going to make life a whole lot easier.
Remember when I said I was determined to make sure I got my life back this year? Well, buckle up and hold on. This is going to be quite the ride. And it is SO long overdue.
Anyhow, it looks fine. It seems to drive fine, so who knows? I just have this nagging feeling that it's just overall a weaker car.
I went to the chiropractor today. I learned that my back, neck, collarbone, and ribs will take awhile to heal. Like a year. That's with chiro visits and therapy twice a year. Oh yaay. I'm personally going to try to make it happen faster. No more heels for me. Flat shoes will be the way to go for the next while. Let's see what else I can do to help things along.
So I did speak to someone yesterday about my situation with my ex. I was told that my current implementation of the child access agreement was incorrect. How fascinating. Apparently, the fact that we have joint custody refers to major decision making only. Meaning if I wanted to convert their religion, I would need to get my ex's permission. If I wanted to change their schools, I would need his permission. He is legally entitled to attend PTA meetings with me, or call the doctor and ask about their medical well being. But that's it. I mean IT.
Apparently, he isn't allowed to go to their school. He isn't allowed to pull them out of school. He isn't allowed to have access to them, aside from his two weekends a month. He can go to their school to talk to the teacher, but he cannot go there to talk to him. GOLDEN! And to think- my stupid assed, over priced lawyer overlooked telling me this stuff during the separation. What did I pay him for?
So now, I can have much more peace. All I have to do is give the schools a copy of the court order for their files, and instruct them that he is not to come by to see the children. If he does, they are welcome to call the police. I no longer have to worry that he might go and take them out of school, that he might go and ask inappropriate questions. I no longer have to worry. I don't think he's entitled to come to after school soccer matches or to events. He isn't allowed to be in my face or harass me. This is going to make life a whole lot easier.
Remember when I said I was determined to make sure I got my life back this year? Well, buckle up and hold on. This is going to be quite the ride. And it is SO long overdue.
A Week in Review
It’s really funny. If I drop off the planet and stop blogging people freak out and start calling me. That’s scary if you consider the fact that I was resisting the whole blog thing in the beginning. Either way, you know things are NOT going well when I haven’t blogged in awhile. There is good news though. Despite how weird things have been in my life, I’m still feeling optimistic about 2007. This is going to be my year. There is no such thing as a perfect year, so I am fully expecting to have ups and downs, especially given who my ex is. But the point is more that so far, I’m taking it all in stride. That doesn’t mean that I’m not stressed. I mean, I can feel my ulcer kicking in, but it does mean that I’m not going spastic….YET.
So here is the deal. Things have been getting more intense with my ex. At first, he started off by just being a jerk: not giving a damn when we had the car accident, dumping the kids on me when it was his turn to take care of them (despite my bad back), not returning my phone calls or emails, sending me rude text messages about how I should be calling him so the children can talk. (I responded by saying that if he wants to talk, he can call. It’s not like I’m legally responsible for facilitating his phone calls). Anyhow, last week on Tuesday, my ex wanted to speak to the children, so I told him that he could call to speak. He rudely texts me to say that I cannot answer the phone because he doesn’t want to hear my voice. I think “don’t you dare answer the phone or I’ll hang up” were his words. I’m thinking what the hell, but I let it go. This is after all, my house, my phone, but whatever. No seriously- think about it. He is so controlling that he is telling me whether or not I can answer my own phone. What the hell?
Anyhow, he calls and I let my son answer the phone. They are talking and my ex asks my son to go to a private room. I tell him no, talk to your dad here. What the heck is so private anyways. So my ex tells him to take the phone into the bathroom and lock the door. How nasty. I am disgusted, and tell him no. Anyhow, this goes back and forth, but in the end, my son is talking, and I hear him repeating sentences. My ex is telling him verbatim what to say, and he is saying it. Things like “my mommy doesn’t let me call you, even if I ask” or “She is trying to keep us apart and I miss you very much” and “my mom doesn’t want me to visit you anymore and it makes me cry”. I freak out, grab the phone and hang it up. Then I ask my son what he’s doing. He tells me that his dad made him say those things. I ask why he would repeat things that he knows aren’t true. “Because he gets mad if I don’t. You know how he is”.
Indeed I do. I also know what it felt like to be the person who was controlled by him. This is what I was afraid of. That I would escape the marriage, but that the after-effects would haunt my children anyways. And it’s happening. There is no escape. This is my reality. And you know what? I created it. I did, after all, marry the jerk. Talk about paying for something for the rest of your life. I thought punishments were supposed to fit a crime? If that’s true, I must have done something really bad in my lifetime. I think I’ll opt to believe that it isn’t true. Anything else would just make me certifiably insane. Anyhow, I tell my son not to do this again. He could, after all, be tape recording the entire conversation with the intention of using it in court. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be admissible, but you never know. Stranger things have happened.
Anyhow, this past weekend was his weekend with the children. I had plans to visit a friend in
Anyhow, I go to
I leverage some mutual contacts and basically find out that:
- He never moved in with his parents, so he lied to me (and hearing this made me totally freak out and go spastic)
- He moved elsewhere and nobody can confirm where he is living, and he is deliberately trying to keep it from me (a breach of our child access agreements)
- He did all of this deliberately so that I would be panicked, wondering where the children are.
Anyhow, by 10pm, I’m freaking out, wondering what he’s going to do with the children. A mutual friend reassures me that the kids are fine, asleep, in bed, and that he intends to take them to school in the morning, so I feel a bit better, but not much. I debated calling the police, but decided against it because I was afraid of how the children would react to having their mom call the cops on their dad, and I’m afraid if it will enrage him further and possibly try to make him run from the country or something. In hindsight, this was really stupid on my part. I should have called the authorities. I have a feeling I will regret that decision for the rest of my life.
To be perfectly honest, I think I’m still afraid of him. I mean, in the 11 years we were married, and despite the hundred or so black eyes I’ve had over the years, I never once called the police, out of fear that his rage would just intensify. Knowing that the children were with him, that fear went up a hundred fold. I just couldn’t make the call. I know that everyone reading this will think I’m irresponsible, but trust me, I just can’t explain it. It’s just this fear that never goes away. I’m working on it, honest. It’s just taking a lot longer than I expected.
So the next morning (Monday) is my first day back at the office after almost 3 weeks off. I get in at 6am, because I didn’t sleep a wink that night, and I was up anyways. I wait until 8:30 and call the schools to see if the children were dropped off. The secretaries confirm that they were. I tell them under NO circumstances does anyone other than myself pick them up after school. Then I hang up the phone, go to the washroom, and cry. Tears of relief. And to think- I thought they would be safer once I left him.
I spend the rest of the day zoned out. I can hardly think. I just want to see my babies. I leave the office at 3:45 and rush to pick them up. I talk to them, ask where they were. Apparently, they were staying at dad’s friend’s house. A female friend. REALLY? I mean wasn’t this guy freaking out because he thought I was with another man? WHAT THE HELL? It’s not like I care, but he broke our agreement, kept my kids from me, didn’t tell me their whereabouts and had them witness his shacking up with some chick? This is unbelievable. You only see this in movies about psycho people. I mean, he just took off with the kids for a whole day! WHO DOES THAT? What the hell? How cruel, how heartless, how totally irresponsible!
Needless to say, I’m evaluating all my options, and I think I know exactly where to go from here, and what I need to do. And think- all this because he wanted to laugh and ‘get even’ with me. How totally sick. How evil. How completely unacceptable.
Let’s see who’s laughing when all is said and done. Just remember- I have vowed that 2007 is going to be MY year. Mark my words. I won’t have it any other way. If I have one goal for this year, it’s to truly have my life back. And I'll be damned if I lose sight of that. Not even for a minute. This was yet another eye opener. Now I'm totally ready to do what I need to. Let's just see how things go. After all, every action has a reaction, right?
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
The Tooth Fairy
"Mommy! Mommy! Guess what? The tooth fairy left me 20 BUCKS! She must LOVE ME! Yahoo!"
:)
You would think the child has never seen a $20 bill. Glad I could make him happy. That was one precious moment. The way I see it, if I can't do the Santa thing, at least I can do the tooth fairy, right?
Now my little guy wants me to take him to the bank to open an account so he can deposit his money from the tooth fairy, his money from Eid, and his birthday money. How totally adorable. I'm impressed that he wants the bank account. I didn't see that one coming.
Anyhow, today is mostly errands. I called Honda, and they said that the body work on my car is almost done. Then they have to work on the suspension, wheel alignment, etc. I might get the car back by Friday if I'm lucky. *Might*. To tell you the truth, I feel like I got a bit of a raw deal.
I paid for the insurance plan where they would NOT depreciate the car in their calculations if I were to total the car in the first 18 months. Meaning, if I total the car in the first 18 months, I'm entitled to a new car of equal value. Recall that I bought this car last year. It's only 11 months old. So they would have to use the full un-depreciated value when/if the car is totalled. I think if they were allowed to use the depreciated value, they would have written off the car and given me the cash to buy a new one, but because the cost of replacing the car is significantly higher than the cost of repairs given the original, undepreciated value, it was cheaper for them to fix the car. That means that I'll essentially be driving an 11 month old car that should have been totally written off after the accident. That doesn't exactly make me feel safe, but I don't think there is really much I can do.
My friend had a good idea. Go to Honda, trade in the car after it's fixed and get a new one. But then I add another year of payments to the car. Hmmm. I think I'll hold onto it for now, keep the payments low, and see what happens to me financially this year. Best case scenario, I get rid of it altogether and get a car that I REALLY like. Worst case, I hold onto it for another year.
My back is still brutal. I have a trip to the massage therapist tonight to work on the tailbone. I have a trip to the chiropractor and massage therapist this Thursday as well. And the visits go well into next week. I'll be going into the office late twice a week every week to get some of the chiro visits in. But hey, as long as the pain goes away, I'll be really happy. The time I took off didn't really feel like a vacation given all the pain, but it's ok. I'll make up for it and take vacation again early in February.
Either way, the accident was in 2006. And this is 2007, my year for healing and change. I'm still optimistic, and excited.
:)
You would think the child has never seen a $20 bill. Glad I could make him happy. That was one precious moment. The way I see it, if I can't do the Santa thing, at least I can do the tooth fairy, right?
Now my little guy wants me to take him to the bank to open an account so he can deposit his money from the tooth fairy, his money from Eid, and his birthday money. How totally adorable. I'm impressed that he wants the bank account. I didn't see that one coming.
Anyhow, today is mostly errands. I called Honda, and they said that the body work on my car is almost done. Then they have to work on the suspension, wheel alignment, etc. I might get the car back by Friday if I'm lucky. *Might*. To tell you the truth, I feel like I got a bit of a raw deal.
I paid for the insurance plan where they would NOT depreciate the car in their calculations if I were to total the car in the first 18 months. Meaning, if I total the car in the first 18 months, I'm entitled to a new car of equal value. Recall that I bought this car last year. It's only 11 months old. So they would have to use the full un-depreciated value when/if the car is totalled. I think if they were allowed to use the depreciated value, they would have written off the car and given me the cash to buy a new one, but because the cost of replacing the car is significantly higher than the cost of repairs given the original, undepreciated value, it was cheaper for them to fix the car. That means that I'll essentially be driving an 11 month old car that should have been totally written off after the accident. That doesn't exactly make me feel safe, but I don't think there is really much I can do.
My friend had a good idea. Go to Honda, trade in the car after it's fixed and get a new one. But then I add another year of payments to the car. Hmmm. I think I'll hold onto it for now, keep the payments low, and see what happens to me financially this year. Best case scenario, I get rid of it altogether and get a car that I REALLY like. Worst case, I hold onto it for another year.
My back is still brutal. I have a trip to the massage therapist tonight to work on the tailbone. I have a trip to the chiropractor and massage therapist this Thursday as well. And the visits go well into next week. I'll be going into the office late twice a week every week to get some of the chiro visits in. But hey, as long as the pain goes away, I'll be really happy. The time I took off didn't really feel like a vacation given all the pain, but it's ok. I'll make up for it and take vacation again early in February.
Either way, the accident was in 2006. And this is 2007, my year for healing and change. I'm still optimistic, and excited.
Monday, January 01, 2007
Happy New Year 2007
It's finally here. I have been waiting for 2007. It just feels like a really really clean slate. If you think about it, 2006 was alot for me, a very bad year emotionally. Honestly speaking, 2007 can only get better. At least, that's what I'm hoping for. I'm hoping that now that the divorce paperwork is done, now that I've told my ex where to go, now that I've dealt with Syd's death, now that my children are more settled, and now that I've made new friends who understand me and who don't hold me to my past, well, how much cleaner can a slate get? The job situation, well yeah that leaves a bit to be desired given the re-org and stuff, but still, I'm ready to face 2007. A car accident at the end of 2006 was just the icing on the cake, further showing that it just was not my year.
But here I am, 2007 at last. And guess what happened today? Jan 1, 2007, my little boy lost his first tooth at 11am. Cute isn't it? It's almost midnight and I just finished playing tooth fairy. I've been waiting to do this. It's like one of the honours of motherhood. Here's the funny part. I had like NO money in my wallet. I had to give him a $20 bill :) He's going to be one happy kid when he wakes up tomorrow :)
Here's to new beginnings...
But here I am, 2007 at last. And guess what happened today? Jan 1, 2007, my little boy lost his first tooth at 11am. Cute isn't it? It's almost midnight and I just finished playing tooth fairy. I've been waiting to do this. It's like one of the honours of motherhood. Here's the funny part. I had like NO money in my wallet. I had to give him a $20 bill :) He's going to be one happy kid when he wakes up tomorrow :)
Here's to new beginnings...
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