I'm getting tired these days. I can feel myself getting worn out. The difference is, this time, I still have many loving people around me who care, but for some reason, this time, I feel totally alone. Maybe it's that everyone around me is getting tired of the same old routine. Or maybe, I'm just overly sensitive (I wouldn't be surprised if this were the case).
I am such an emotional mess today that it's a good thing my son has a dentist appointment. It's a good thing I had to work from home. I wouldn't want my colleagues to see me like this.
So- I went to the police station on Saturday to get some advice. Turns out, he has to do this a couple more times before I can make an issue of it, and I have to call the police each time. I'm so serious, the laws do nothing to protect women in my situation. Nothing at all. Basically, I know I'm not safe, my friends are freaked out, but yet, I have to live like normal until he does something to me. Like, really does something. Everyone is missing the point- when that does happen, and these days I fear it will, it will be too late to help me.
His tactics are getting more and more intense every day. He keeps calling in the morning, asking if he can come over and help me dress the kids, help with the morning routine. On Eid, he called me several times, and then basically showed up, clothes in hand, asking if he could get dressed at my place, and then help me get the children ready for Eid. I mean, are you bloody serious? Did you miss the part when we got divorced? I basically told him no, get off my property, and you're not welcome in my home. He clearly cannot take a hint. Heck, he can't even understand when you spell it out to him slowly.
I know he stalks my house, I know he looks into my windows. He even knows what time I get home. Yesterday, I found out that he went to my daughter's school to ask her a few questions. He wanted to know who was at my home on Eid, who was at my parent's home, and whether or not any men sleep over at my house. He even went so far as to ask her if any men sleep in my bed at night. WHO THE HELL ASKS A 5 YEAR OLD GIRL THAT QUESTION?! I found out that he went to my son's after school program to ask him the same things.
So here I am. Waiting for something to happen, because my gut instinct tells me that something will. I'm afraid to leave the house, I feel like someone is always following me. I'm afraid to talk to any men, I'm afraid he might go nuts and pick the kids up from school and take off.
Afraid, afraid, afraid.
So why did I leave again? Oh yeah, so that my children and I could live a safe and happy life. How long has it been? Oh yeah two and a half years. When will things let up?
Try never.
Why did I even bother?
2 comments:
You bothered because you wanted to move on and get away from him. He needs to accept that. His problem.
It seems like he's stalking you to find out if you have truly moved on. Creating an imaginary boyfriend might be a good idea. One that's big and muscular, even better. Keep reiterating, that there is no chance in hell you will take him back. None.
But seriously, keep telling him that you've already talked to the police and will continue to file reports until he stops stalking you. Have your lawyer friend draw up a nice letter to put this in writing.
God will protect you and your kids. Be cautious, but after a certain point, it's out of your hands. You can't control him. So, try not to think about him.
And you friends are not tired of the same routine. They care.
Thanks for the input re: my friends.
But, to be honest, his biggest fear is that I meet someone and move on. If I "pretend" that it's happened, I truly believe that he would be worse. In fact, if I ever were to move on, I would do everything in my power to hide it from him...
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