A Different Tactic

I had a long conversation with an office friend yesterday. She basically gave me the advise that if I really was concerned for my own safety, maybe I should put down the "Independence" card, and play the "safety" card. What she means is that instead of saying that it's none of his business what I do with my life, perhaps I should just tell him the things that will make him calm down. At first, the thought of it made me sick, after all, I lived my marriage doing just that. But now, I think she may be right.

My ex called last night for his usual telephone call with the children. Afterwards, he asked to speak to me. I told him to leave me alone. He told me that he was going to therapy and that he is trying to heal. He apologized for asking for a reconciliation. I told him his apology is worthless because although he says one thing to me, he turns around and acts crazy.

He told me that he has been having a nervous breakdown. That back in August when he truly realized that I was moving on with my life, he wasn't mentally prepared for it, that it shocked him when he heard guys talking about how they met me, how they wanted to ask me out, etc. None of these people knew who my ex was at the time. (I never did go out with any of them, but I guess it's a small community and he found out that there were some people interested in getting to know me better).

Either way, he says that this experience shocked him. Throughout the divorce, he never prepared himself for the fact that I might actually move on one day, or that it might possibly start to happen so soon. I think he had expected it to take me years to heal first. But see, I've been working on the whole healing thing for 2.5 years now. I started when I first separated. That's why I'm emotionally better off than he is right now.

On any account, he pleaded that I forgive him, that I not be upset with him, and he promised not to harass me, either directly, or indirectly through friends. I told him that I wanted my space, and he promised to give it to me. Then I took my girlfriend's advice and told him that I am not seeing anyone. Now, I'm not commenting on how true or false that is, but I do feel that I shouldn't have had to give him any information at all. My girlfriend was right though...it did seem to calm him down just to hear it.

So, he wants to continue with his therapy. He wants me to come to a session with him, and I said no. I've been through my own therapy. Now it's his turn. Still, he promised to behave. I'm not going to hold my breath.

I do think my friend was right. From a safety perspective, reassuring him and telling him what he wants/needs to hear is just better for me. For now.

In the meantime, I will continue taking my security measures at home, protecting my house, protecting my space, and protecting my sanity.

Let's see how things go over the next few days.